Fic - Open, Hakkai/Gojyo, G

[louiselux]

Well, hello! I wrote something, finally. Just a quick snippet from the snippet meme of yore. toscas_kiss wanted something for this icon, and with Gojyo in it:



It's Hakkai/Gojyo, Hakkai POV.



'You don't want this,' I said, sure right to the tips of my fingers.

They were curled round the back of Gojyo's neck, plunging into warm, soft hair. He didn't want it, but I did, and too keenly for it to be anything other than disastrous. I could picture the damage we could inflict upon one another. His mouth was open and his eyes were wide and he was staring at me as if I'd hit him. I'd spoken the truth, it was clear.

Perhaps my voice had changed its timbre. Perhaps my head had dropped and my eyes had narrowed. I'm not sure. At moments like that, one could call them moments of arousal, something inside-- I don't name it-- claws for freedom. I would be lying if I said that I did not welcome it, in some small, dark part of me, and to be honest it's been useful. Very useful, yes, in saving lives and taking them.

'What the fuck do you know, anyway?' Gojyo whispered and his face tangled in a brief snarl, even as his body shoved heavy and warm against me. 'You don't know what I want,' and his voice seemed wrung with desperation. 'Sometimes,' he carried on, almost a babble, 'you just don't get it. Hakkai.'

His breath was all over my face, hot and tar-smelling from the cigarette he'd tossed away a minute ago, when we were still stood apart, both staring at what he'd asked me, just straight out and shocking. Now he crushed me close and burrowed his face into my neck, not even kissing me, just holding on tight and not at all gently. His hands moved on my back, fingers digging in then smoothing me over and as my arms curved in turn around his waist he groaned and clutched me tighter. It sounded like relief.

It shook me. Gojyo was right. I might not know. It would be wonderful not to know and to be surprised, to be empty and then filled up, even with the nameless thing still living in me. Filled up with Gojyo. I squeezed tighter and heard him gasp. An image of him moving above me flashed against my closed eyes and then there was so much heat between us I could hardly breathe. Gojyo panted into my neck. Our hips were canted tight together, talking while we were frozen above.

'You don't listen,' Gojyo said in my ear.

To him, to myself? I was blinded and he confused me. Even then, perhaps especially then, I could sense myself wanting to change, the ugly face of what I am pushing to get out, because it never did and now it was shaking me. My throat tightened with fear, but Gojyo just put his hands up to my face and kissed me, slowly and with great care, as I never imagined he could. The fear slipped away, I hardly even felt it go, and the thing inside me blossomed, as gentle as a rose unfurling.

I murmured against his mouth, something about love, and he murmured it back. There was no other choice, so I let him in, let myself out.

Comments

[scribblemoose]

Wow. Great stuff. It left my shoulders all wriggly-tense for the pair of them. ^_^

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you think it's okay. Writing Hakkai like this made me feeling like that too. I suppose because he's a tense kind of person, full stop.

[emungere.livejournal.com]

Eeee, that was wonderful. And I love them together. *happiness*

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Hakkai is Mr Supressed Angst, but he's got to be happy sometimes. Thanks so much-- I'm glad you liked it.

[hane.livejournal.com]

;_; Oh.

How lovely.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you thought so, thank you!

[lisa-bee.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's a fantastic look into his head. The monologue sucks you in until you're right there, and there's no options but the ones Hakkai sees, no right or wrong but the ones he feels.

Wow.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

He's a very perculiar person to write, just because ogf what you say-- you get the impression he utterly single-minded, until Gojyo jolts him from his tracks every now and then.

Thanks for this - it's always a pleasure to get your feedback.

[karose.livejournal.com]

*happy sigh*

Oh, lovely. A lot of the 585 fic I've seen lately just avoids the L-word or its implications, but this was so well-executed, this slice cut out of the rosy haze. And thank you for reminding me that Hakkai's anxiety can actually be a pleasant read sometimes.

*gets sketch ideas*

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for that. I'm glad it didn't come over as pure angst- I wanted it to change into something more joyful by the end, but angst sure has a way of taking over.

Bring on the happy funny rom-com, I say. I reckon the entire planet is up for some of that right now. *makes note to self*

[karose.livejournal.com]

How about rom-zom-com? The world begs for a Saiyuki/Shaun of the Dead crossover...

[hibem.livejournal.com]

:melts wordlessly:

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, thanks:)

[cicer.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was excellent. It managed to be both angsty and happy at the same time. It's a very excellent look into Hakkai's head, too. I'm partial to monologue/stream-of-consciousness writing, and this was very, very good. I'd like to see a sequel, actually.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm quite open to doing more of Hakkai like this, but I'm not totally sure where it'd go next. You know, apart from the obvious nookie. *g*

[aqua-eyes.livejournal.com]

Fantastic. Just right.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you:)

[nekonexus.livejournal.com]

*joins in with the general adoration and praise*

As much as I seem to tend toward Hakkai's pov a lot, 1st person is not one I'd attempt lightly, and I tend to shy away from other people's 1st ppov fics of him for that reason, I think. That said, this was wonderfully executed, and made me shivery and smiley and wanting more, dammit! by the end. ^_^

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Writing Hakkai scares the crap out of me, so I'm really pleased you think it worked. Thanks!

[sffan.livejournal.com]

That was lovely.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it - thank you.

[shirochan.livejournal.com]

Love.

Gojyo being there to give Hakkai a wake up call. ^_^ Nicely written.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you:)

[toscas-kiss.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. That was just. . . guh. Thank you so, so much! :-)

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

It's a pleasure! I'm really glad you liked it.

[tochira.livejournal.com]

That was unsettling, effective, and rather different. (and Gojyo still convinced me!)

:D Melikes!

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It was rather experimental for me, so I'm so glad you thought it worked.

[wildelamassu.livejournal.com]

Oh, I really like the pacing in this.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

Ooooh.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thanks:)

[wedjateye.livejournal.com]

I find first person rarely works for me as a reader, but that was so well executed that I was drawn in. I loved Hakkai's realisation that Gojyo may know better in this instance, because Hakkai is such a control freak. To see him let go and go with the Gojyo's flow was lovely. (And happy 58 does good things for me).

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

In that case I'm really very pleased that it worked for you - I am scared off writing 1st person for those very reasons, especially someone who is as strange as Hakkai. Thanks very much! Happy 58 does good things to me too.