Rafa's diary - days ten and eleven
Sep. 12th, 2009 02:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
louiseluxTitle: Rafa's Diary - days ten and eleven
Pairing: Fedalish
Warnings: worksafe
Rating: G
Notes: thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
emungere for looking it over for me!
day one day two day three day four day five day six day seven day eight day nine
Day ten – Wednesday
Andy Murray had a slump to his shoulders this morning. We saw each other at the tennis centre café, where I've eaten far too often in the past couple of weeks. The murals in there make me feel sad for some reason. Maybe because there is no escape from tennis even during a meal!
Andy's team came in all together to sort out some things, I think with the organisers. Every one of them looked glum. Yes, we all know that feeling of having lost pointlessly.
"How are you?" he asked me.
I always have a bit of trouble with his accent, so he said it again. "Oh! Yeah, I can't complain," I said. "How are you?"
He shrugged and plopped down next to me at the table. Miles and Toni began to talk too. "All right," he said, and began to pick at the edge of the table where the veneer was chipped. "That was a bit embarrassing last night."
He gave me a wary look, and after a moment it struck me that maybe he wanted me to say something maybe reassuring or comforting. We're not that far away from being kids, are we?
"Don't feel bad," I said. "Yeah, I know it's embarrassing. Remember Paris?"
"Hehe," he said.
"So look at what else you have done this year. It's simple. Nothing is so bad after all."
He nodded and gave me a shy look. "Yeah, of course. You're right."
Miles put his hand on Andy's shoulder and Andy looked up and smiled at him. They seem good friends. That's a nice thing.
It's at this point in a slam that my mind sharpens and every minute can become filled with tension and excitement. Sometimes, my mind can do the opposite and get all thick and slow.
Back in the room that night I watched Roger play Robin Soderling, who of course I don't hate at all! Haha. Toni and Carlos watched with me, and Tuts from Nike watched with us too. He's a big Roger fan, and he has a Roger t-shirt, the one with the James Bond Roger on it. It's really cool.
"He's really back in form," Toni said, at set point, then laughed as the score ticked over to 6-0. "Amazing."
All right, so watching him play tennis is a good excuse to stare. Other times I get self-conscious about him being around, and I end up jerking my eyes around everywhere but him just so I don't stare. He's magnetic. He's good to look at. He makes me blush sometimes. It's crazy. I was more confident when I was 16, kissing girls in nightclubs. Nothing matters at that age though. I'm not 16 any longer.
I'm not stupid, I know myself well. I'm attracted to men. But so what? I have my professional life to think about, let me just keep it quiet, hope no one notices too much. Toni would call it lying by omission. . I don't want to lie. But I don't want everything to be complicated by it.
Looking at that written down… I should hide this diary better now.
Day eleven - Thursday
What a crappy day!!
I HATE THE RAIN.
Pairing: Fedalish
Warnings: worksafe
Rating: G
Notes: thanks to
emungere for looking it over for me!day one day two day three day four day five day six day seven day eight day nine
Day ten – Wednesday
Andy Murray had a slump to his shoulders this morning. We saw each other at the tennis centre café, where I've eaten far too often in the past couple of weeks. The murals in there make me feel sad for some reason. Maybe because there is no escape from tennis even during a meal!
Andy's team came in all together to sort out some things, I think with the organisers. Every one of them looked glum. Yes, we all know that feeling of having lost pointlessly.
"How are you?" he asked me.
I always have a bit of trouble with his accent, so he said it again. "Oh! Yeah, I can't complain," I said. "How are you?"
He shrugged and plopped down next to me at the table. Miles and Toni began to talk too. "All right," he said, and began to pick at the edge of the table where the veneer was chipped. "That was a bit embarrassing last night."
He gave me a wary look, and after a moment it struck me that maybe he wanted me to say something maybe reassuring or comforting. We're not that far away from being kids, are we?
"Don't feel bad," I said. "Yeah, I know it's embarrassing. Remember Paris?"
"Hehe," he said.
"So look at what else you have done this year. It's simple. Nothing is so bad after all."
He nodded and gave me a shy look. "Yeah, of course. You're right."
Miles put his hand on Andy's shoulder and Andy looked up and smiled at him. They seem good friends. That's a nice thing.
It's at this point in a slam that my mind sharpens and every minute can become filled with tension and excitement. Sometimes, my mind can do the opposite and get all thick and slow.
Back in the room that night I watched Roger play Robin Soderling, who of course I don't hate at all! Haha. Toni and Carlos watched with me, and Tuts from Nike watched with us too. He's a big Roger fan, and he has a Roger t-shirt, the one with the James Bond Roger on it. It's really cool.
"He's really back in form," Toni said, at set point, then laughed as the score ticked over to 6-0. "Amazing."
All right, so watching him play tennis is a good excuse to stare. Other times I get self-conscious about him being around, and I end up jerking my eyes around everywhere but him just so I don't stare. He's magnetic. He's good to look at. He makes me blush sometimes. It's crazy. I was more confident when I was 16, kissing girls in nightclubs. Nothing matters at that age though. I'm not 16 any longer.
I'm not stupid, I know myself well. I'm attracted to men. But so what? I have my professional life to think about, let me just keep it quiet, hope no one notices too much. Toni would call it lying by omission. . I don't want to lie. But I don't want everything to be complicated by it.
Looking at that written down… I should hide this diary better now.
Day eleven - Thursday
What a crappy day!!
I HATE THE RAIN.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 02:57 am (UTC)We like to stare at him too.
And we hate the rain.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 05:19 am (UTC)Hee, your Rafa voice is as cute as ever. This is so cute. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 06:12 am (UTC)awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww rafaaaaaaaaaaaaa *cuddles him*
no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 09:18 am (UTC)\o/
i love the way you're writing this, just sort of gently and carefully. in less careful hands, this would be pure crack. your rafa comes across as wide-eyed and genuinely poignant.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 11:04 am (UTC)every day you break my heart with this, lou. i love.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 11:19 am (UTC)Buah! I love this. He's so cute when he's that honest. Also, ROGER IS ATTRACTED TO YOU TOO, doofus. :)
Love this part as I've loved them all - and really good Day 11, lol.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-12 06:23 pm (UTC)And boo for the rain!