louiselux: (Default)
[personal profile] louiselux
Title: Turn the page
Pairing: Roger/Rafa
Warnings: explicit m/m
Notes: [livejournal.com profile] emungere = beta of much awesomeness. This story was sparked off by the reports that Rafa was unhappy with the results of his photo shoot for New York magazine. I was curious about why.


Rafa's jaw is mulish, and his brows are pulled down into a sulk.

"Look at them," he's saying. "Look."

The photographer has caught something, it's true. Rafa looks older; more solid and serious. Not as pretty, more dangerous. It's possible to see what he'll look like in ten years time.

"They look good," Roger says. "Very—intense."

"I look like—maybe thinking I better than everyone."

"You look confident."

"No. Too… naked."

Roger touches the corner of one. He thinks he knows what Rafa means. It's not just about the lack of clothes. "Well—"

"You want yourself in pictures like that?" Rafa says, pulling a ridiculous angry face and jabbing at the page. "Roger?"

He's very direct. The better Roger gets to know him, the more he sees this. Sometimes his honesty is like a slap to the face. Early on, he told Roger that he doesn't want to see Roger when there's a chance they'll be found out. When Rafa does see him, Roger never stays dressed for very long. Rafa loves to strip him, to do it himself, shoving Roger's hands away.

So far, Rafa has kept two pairs of his underwear and a shirt. He won't give them back. He doesn't leave bite marks or scratches or lovebites, but he goes wild— moans and whispered, tangled-up words and groping fingers—when Roger goes down on him and takes a mouthful of come, and swallows it. It's because he's inside Roger, some part of him remaining there when Roger leaves him. He said that once, and then he clammed right up.

The hotel room is so well decorated, with plump armchairs and walls in a purple-red, a dark polished floor and a pale glass lamp that spills gold light on Rafa's skin.

Roger perches on the arm of one of the chairs. They look at each other for a long, stretched out moment. Roger can see in Rafa's eyes that he wants sex, that Roger could ask and Rafa would get all shaky and hard in ten seconds, the way he does.

"I don't want people seeing," Rafa says, more quietly, and with eyes that have grown wider and scared. Roger wants to hug him.

"Seeing?"

"Like—they can see in here." He taps his chest with his fingertips, like someone would tap a wall to check for a hollow space.

"People look at you—us—all day long," Roger says, and Rafa makes a small sound of discontent. "It's the way things are. I know it's kind of horrible."

They're not really alone. Roger has ostensibly come by for a brief chat about some ATP stuff on his way back to the airport. Rafa's two friends-- not tennis players, people he's never met before-- have gone out to find coffee and cakes. Rafa fiddles with the edge of one of the photos, like he wants to rip it in half.

"I hate them."

"But you look good in them."

Rafa takes his shirt off so fast that Roger doesn't even have time to blink; it's straight up and over his head and then dropped to the floor in a small mossy green pile. Rafa shakes his hair back like someone is actually waiting with a camera to capture this. He paces about and poses with light from the lamp all over his stomach, catching the hair trailing up and giving it a bright gold glint. His jeans sit low. Just under the waistband, the top of his underwear clings to his body. He pulls a hand down over his chest.

"You like?" he asks. "Roger?" The 'g' is all soft. He lowers his chin and looks up through his lashes. He knows how good he looks, there's no doubt.

Roger stands, because sitting feels strange, and he has to be nearer to Rafa. "Rafa—"

"For you, I can do this," Rafa says, and he reaches out and catches Roger's wrist in a crushing grip. "You want to—pin me up?"

Rafa's mouth is open and waiting. He tastes of something sweet and orangey. Roger cups the angle of his jaw and feels it move as they kiss, as Rafa opens up wide to let Roger push in with his tongue. He wants to push in with something else, and he calculates the odds of Rafa wanting that. Sometimes he does; sometimes he likes to beg for it.

He licks over Rafa's teeth, and Rafa moans against him and clings, his fingers curling tight into Roger's shirt like Rafa is some old fashioned heroine in a movie. He's leaning so heavily on Roger that Roger is actually propping him up. He's full of small surprises in this way; the things he likes and how he wants them.

Roger puts both arms around him and holds him close, glad for the warm weight of him and how he smells of freshly washed hair. His skin is smooth, his curves so taut and firm that they feel like warm stone. Rafa sighs and moans, and his curled fingers unclasp and move down between their bodies.

Rafa eases closer, drawing Roger's thigh to press between his legs. He grinds against it, hips moving in a fluid wave like a dance. He's unzipping himself as they kiss, moving, working his jeans and underwear down enough so that his cock falls out and lies straight up against Roger's shirt. It's hot and he can smell the sharp scent from it as Rafa sucks meaningfully at his tongue and watches him from right up close.

"Yeah?" he whispers, and trails his tongue against Roger's top lip, kissing up over it, over his cheek and nose, anywhere. He's put his hands on Roger's hips and is holding him tight. "Suck me? Yeah?"

Roger hasn't said no one single time. "Now?" he says. "What about them?"

Rafa's eyes are almost black, but they're wide and pleading. He makes a sound through clenched teeth, and Roger drags his own shirt from his jeans and pulls it over his head. Rafa's cock is on his bared stomach now.

"Roger. I told them to leave us alone. They went. So, maybe they guess why."

This is new, Roger thinks, closing his eyes. It's a change, Rafa not being careful.

He goes to his knees with Rafa's hands on his shoulders. Rafa's fingertips are gentle where they rest. They trail up into his hair, pushing through to the scalp. Rafa is trembling from adrenaline, and his breaths are shaky too. Roger looks up at the solid sculpted planes of his chest and arms and face.

It does hurt, doing this, and in all sorts of ways, and he wonders what Rafa sees in his eyes, that makes him touch Roger's face with such gentle fingers.

"I didn't expect this tonight," Roger says. "God, Rafa. I didn't—"

"Is okay. You still-- want?"

"Yes." He winds his fingers into Rafa's jeans, and he laughs at the exact moment Rafa bends down and kisses him.

Rafa's tongue is wet against his. He pulls away and straightens, and Roger dips his head and runs his tongue the length of Rafa's cock, just breathing and tasting. He pushes Rafa's jeans down until they pool around his ankles and he has skin and muscle quivering under his hands. He sucks hard, as well as he can do it.

"Oh," Rafa says. "Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah." He wants to fuck and thrust; Roger can feel the energy in him. Rafa's hands are clamping down tight. His breath hisses in and out, and he's barely giving Roger room to move, not letting him back off. Roger licks down along the length, right down to nuzzle at the base, cups his balls and holds them in his palm, slides his lips slowly down, as far as he can, further than is comfortable. The carpet isn't good on his knees and he's half aware of the creeping fear that someone will walk in. It doesn't stop him; nothing has stopped him yet. He feels the heat of his own breath, reflected back from Rafa's skin. Rafa's hips jerk and he lets out a rough breath.

"Inside you," Rafa whispers, and when Roger looks up, Rafa is staring down. "Please. Now."

He comes with a series of pained little groans, pumping into Roger's mouth. Roger swallows some, can't deal with the rest. He presses his sticky face to Rafa's hip and licks, stroking himself to get off. Rafa is still shaking, and is clutching at his neck and shoulder like Roger might suddenly decide to get up and leave unless Rafa keeps him there. He curls right over, hand tight on the back of Roger's neck, then they're mouth to mouth.

"Roger," Rafa says. "Roger." His hair tumbles across his face in a tangled mess. His lips are wet. "Do it harder," he says, and his lips purse as he talks, like he's kissing the air. He makes a choked up noise, watching. "Your hands…"

Roger's muscles tense so hard, but he hardly feels it over the sharp rush of orgasm. He cries into Rafa's mouth, and Rafa says things he doesn't understand, and kisses him again and again. Now Rafa is holding him up.

Ten minutes later, they are cleaned up and dressed and are lying on the bed together, face to face. Rafa's eyes are very clear and direct. He has one arm snaked under Roger's neck and one hand flat on Roger's chest.

"Still don't like them."

"I think you look gorgeous," Roger says. That makes Rafa dip his head, and he winds closer and presses his face to Roger's shoulder.

They lie quite still for a while, knee to knee on the bed, fully dressed and with the rest of the world put on hold. The only movement is their breathing and the slow strokes of his hand over Rafa's hair. It would be easy to fall asleep like this, but they don't have the luxury. He has to leave. Over by the small table, some of the pictures of Rafa have slithered to the floor.

The images make Roger uneasy too. They show something intimate and true. Maybe that's why Rafa doesn't like them. Exposure isn't welcome, especially not right now. He wonders what Rafa's friends must be thinking, then tells himself to stop.

He pulls Rafa closer and holds him for as long as he can before he has to leave.

Date: 2008-09-22 12:04 pm (UTC)
chomiji: Cartoon of chomiji in the style of the Powerpuff Girls (Yuki-lovely thoughts)
From: [personal profile] chomiji

Mmmm, what a way to start the day ... !

Date: 2008-09-28 06:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Yay! I'm very happy it got things off to a good start. :)

Date: 2008-09-22 01:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emungere.livejournal.com
*continues to love this story*

Date: 2008-09-28 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
*continues to love emu*

Date: 2008-09-22 03:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baka-gaijin.livejournal.com
Your Roger & Rafa are so good together. But there's such an undercurrent of sadness. Of them knowing that this thing between them is treading dangerous ground. ~ sigh ~

Oh, and thank you so much for the link to that article and the pics. A couple of them are really beautiful.

Date: 2008-09-28 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you! I always make them a bit sad, I know. I think it's the melancholy in my soul caused by living on a small damp island. Why can't they just be happy?

Date: 2008-09-22 03:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pretty-panther.livejournal.com
*loves*
nice piece to come home to *nods*

Date: 2008-09-28 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Awww, thanks! :)

Date: 2008-09-22 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adorerdollylux.livejournal.com
ohmygod. keyboard smashing should be inserted here, but i'm going to try and make this comment pretty to look at. oh, MY FINGERS ARE WIGGLING FOR A KEYBOARD SMASH.


first of all, i freaked out that you'd written something new. you are just. you are just. yes. you and tarte and rilla_ just kill me.


i love. your rafa. so much. he feels so dangerously real. how did you find him? what was it that showed that rafa to you, if any one thing? he's PERFECT. how did you do that?

roger was perfect as well, i can see him doing every single thing you've written, every small mannerism, every little nuance.

nevermind the fact that this is like, the hottest thing EVER. i was just randomly thinking yesterday about roger sucking rafa off. no, really! i was thinking about what i really wanted to read because it would have to be so hot, and then you go and write this. god.

"For you, I can do this," Rafa says, and he reaches out and catches Roger's wrist in a crushing grip. "You want to—pin me up?"

ohmygod, rafa. how is he so pornographic and heartbreaking at the same time? and how is that the fucking hottest combination of anything ever?


So far, Rafa has kept two pairs of his underwear and a shirt. He won't give them back. He doesn't leave bite marks or scratches or lovebites, but he goes wild— moans and whispered, tangled-up words and groping fingers—when Roger goes down on him and takes a mouthful of come, and swallows it. It's because he's inside Roger, some part of him remaining there when Roger leaves him. He said that once, and then he clammed right up.

hottest. thing. ever.

.

.

ever.

Sometimes he does; sometimes he likes to beg for it.
mmmm, just! imagine rafa actually wanting to beg for it. and what a submissive little mood he would be in for that. gahalsjdfa.

It does hurt, doing this, and in all sorts of ways, and he wonders what Rafa sees in his eyes, that makes him touch Roger's face with such gentle fingers.

"I didn't expect this tonight," Roger says. "God, Rafa. I didn't—"


jesus. i love this.


"I think you look gorgeous," Roger says. That makes Rafa dip his head, and he winds closer and presses his face to Roger's shoulder.

eee, little puppy rafa! i love hidingrafa and how he can go from being such a direct, strong thing to being so soft and small. ahh.

in short: thank you so much for writing this. thank you. this is so, oh so hot.

<3

Date: 2008-09-28 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm really so pleased and thrilled you enjoyed this so much! Thank you!

how did you find him? what was it that showed that rafa to you, if any one thing?

It's just that sometimes I think characters kind of speak to you. I don't know, I think about his voice and all the elements that make up his personality and then things seem to come from that. There's always an urge to dig down and try and reveal new things to his character when I write him. Do you get the same urge?

The thing about Rafa is that to me, he seems prepared to go to quite extreme lengths to achieve something he wants, and for me when I'm writing him this translates into his private life too. I think if he ever truly did get obsessed with someone (I doubt he feels like that about Xisca for various reasons), it would be so intense for him.

Date: 2008-09-22 04:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quiteparadise.livejournal.com
I'm going to tremble right the hell out of my skin thinking about how terribly, horribly, despicably wonderful this is. I don't know how you do it. There's this sort of flustered, uncomfortable attraction. And it's perfect. Just perfect. And then you somehow hold onto it all the way through the sex. And I am in love and awe of you.

Too sexy. Too sexy.

Date: 2008-09-29 12:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! :D

In my overheated imagination they are of course having a hot hot gay love affair and I guess I see that whole situation as uncomfortable, considering who they are, their current relationships and what they do. It's hard for me to put that to one side and it definitely comes through in how I write them.

I'm really very happy you enjoyed!

Date: 2008-09-22 05:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] frostheavens.livejournal.com
This is just brilliant and amazing and wow &hearts

Totally added to memories

Date: 2008-09-29 12:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Yay! Thank you very much.

Date: 2008-09-22 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tiggymalvern.livejournal.com
I love the moods in this, with Roger working to read Rafa all through it, past the too-obvious surface expressions and piecing the whole man together. You do a great job of making this relationship anything but superficial, even when its nature means it has to be.

Rafa doesn't like his photo shoot? Well, the rest of the world does, thanks for the link ;-)

Date: 2008-09-29 01:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
If they were really to have a gay love affair, I think it would entail so many difficulties for them. This tends to come out when I write them - there always seems to such a lot going on under the surface with them.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks!

Date: 2008-09-22 11:19 pm (UTC)
ext_36767: (i can ride a bike with no handlebars)
From: [identity profile] buckle-berry.livejournal.com
i feel incredibly stupid writing this comment, but i cried when i read this. i am seriously not in the habit of crying over fanfic.

maybe it's partly because we got into this fandom around the same time, but when i read your fic, i always feel like you're exploring things about the characters i'm only starting to think about myself. i love your rafa trying to come to terms with it all and your roger, not quite knowing the right things to say, and the way the sex is always there as an undercurrent even though there's so much else going on.

gorgeous and rich and properly emotional. right, i'm going to blow my nose now. good.

Date: 2008-09-22 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baka-gaijin.livejournal.com
...the way the sex is always there as an undercurrent even though there's so much else going on.

I have loved reading louise's fic for a couple of years now. And right here, you have nailed it as to why I enjoy them so much: the sex is always good, yes, but it's the 'so much else going on' that really makes the fic's stand out.

Date: 2008-09-23 12:09 am (UTC)
ext_36767: (how can i expect?)
From: [identity profile] buckle-berry.livejournal.com
totally! it's like, the opposite of pwp. i almost don't want to pick apart what i loved so much about this fic, why it made me feel sad and happy and turned on, but it's things like this:

Roger hasn't said no one single time.

that's such a profound statement about roger's character, and about the nature of their relationship, and about rafa by implication, and it's also just straightforwardly hot. all that in 6 words! amazing.

Date: 2008-09-23 10:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adorerdollylux.livejournal.com
yes, yes, that's it, exactly.

Date: 2008-09-29 03:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Even though this was last week, I still want to lend you my hankie... the nice one with the embroidered tennis balls on.

I get exactly the same thing from reading your fics too! And Tarte's also, so perhaps it really is something to do with getting into this fandom at the same time and discovering the same things. In fact it's one of my favourite feelings - when someone puts into words something about a character that has been hanging vaguely around in my head.

The more I consider Roger and Rafa the more complex they become as people - and my feelings about this definitely came across as I was writing this. I think about the sort of relationship they would have and how odd and strange it would be for them, considering everything about their lives.

Anyway, thanks for the lovely comment and I'm very happy indeed you enjoyed it so much.

Date: 2008-09-23 12:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohee.livejournal.com
This is wonderfully beautiful and heartbreaking at some sense and not to mention deliciously sdlkfldskg and I am not even coherent anymore so I won't really try to be.

But this piece is beautiful, so is Roger and Rafa and you, you = omgomgomg.

Thank you for sharing! ♥

Date: 2008-09-29 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! :D

Date: 2008-09-23 12:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretsolitaire.livejournal.com
*flail* I love your writing so much. As others have noted, there's so much going on beyond the (very hot) sex. This moment in particular:

It does hurt, doing this, and in all sorts of ways, and he wonders what Rafa sees in his eyes, that makes him touch Roger's face with such gentle fingers.

*catches her breath*

Date: 2008-09-29 03:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm so pleased you liked that couple of lines - I thought they were quite important to put in, to show that there's more going on between them than they really want to say.

Date: 2008-09-23 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] frogglesthefrog.livejournal.com
Amazingly hot. And such an intense little story under all the hot smexing. Loving it very much. Yum. That's all I can manage at the moment.

Date: 2008-09-29 03:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm just happy to know you liked it. :D

Date: 2008-09-23 10:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] templargirl.livejournal.com
geez, that was hot
*gosh, this pairing has made me a regular Paris Hilton LOL*

Date: 2008-09-29 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm not sure I get the Paris Hilton reference, but I'm glad! I think. :D

Date: 2008-09-24 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rixiel.livejournal.com
Oh that was so beautify!

He wants to push in with something else, and he calculates the odds of Rafa wanting that.
I love that line, Roger calculating his odds even during sex!

Date: 2008-09-24 04:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rixiel.livejournal.com
Apparently your fic dazzled me so much I couldn't spell beautiful! :D

Date: 2008-09-29 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Yay! I'm very glad. I kind of think Roger is the calculating type. Or at least he spends a lot of time thinking about the odds of things happening.

Date: 2008-09-25 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maribella008.livejournal.com
If this fic group of yours were a band named Melancholy Sexy (or SexyMelancholy), louise, you would be its Brit- and Grammy-Award-winning songwriter.

P.S. rixiel - if you type slowly and stay hydrated during and after reading, it helps. You get used to it. :D

Date: 2008-09-29 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Awww, thanks so much! Melancholy Sexy - yeah, that about sums it up. I like them complicated and angsty.

Date: 2009-02-01 02:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alznthlay.livejournal.com
*has no words*


*fangirls you*

Date: 2009-02-10 01:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Heee! Thanks.

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