Saiyuki snippet for lisa_bee

[louiselux]

Snippet for lisa_bee: Gojyo, "disoriented" and no more than 15 minutes... (let's say 20), and inspired by an idea in emungere's Cut Off

Weapon of Choice

"Show me then," Hakkai said.

He was leaning against the back door. Gojyo stood in the middle of the backyard with bare feet and no shirt, wishing they hadn't got into this. He wanted to go inside and drink beer, read the paper, even wash the dishes.

His arms bloomed tiny goosebumps and his hairs raised. When he looked down he saw that his nipples were hard too. He felt exposed under Hakkai's soft gaze.

Hakkai shifted slightly and the door frame creaked. Right. Hakkai was waiting.

"Is it hard?" Hakkai asked, sounding curious.

"No! No. It's easy."

And it was, even though he could count the times he'd done it on one hand. He just had to wish it and it was there, body-warm metal filling his palm and the slight, pleasing chink of oiled chain. The shakujou was as tall as him, taller, and looking up he moved it so the blade glinted in the sun.

He grinned, but it faded when he saw Hakkai's face. Was that shock? Shock or-- lust. Hakkai had pushed himself away from the wall, his fingers were clenched, and Gojyo took a step back without even thinking about it. His fingers tightened and he has to loosen them with an effort.

"Did you choose that," Hakkai said, "or-- or-- "

"Kind of," Gojyo said, thinking of his mother.

"Show me," said Hakkai, again.

The chain arched, glittering in the sunlight, as the blade soared and dipped like a swallow, for endless minutes, until Gojyo swayed, dizzy with it. Chains rattled in his ears along with his blood and in the middle of it all was Hakkai's upturned face, his eyes huge and wide. He was smiling, a beautiful, wide smile.

"It's very good," Gojyo heard him say, and then the blade tips thudded into the door post next to Hakkai's hand. He reached out to touch, but Gojyo blinked, stomach flipping, and it was gone.

"Sorry," Gojyo said.

His knees shook and he sat straight down with a thump, legs folding under him. He shut his eyes and heard Hakkai's footsteps, then a hand on his shoulder, trembling just like he was.

"Don't be," Hakkai said.

Comments

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, very nice :-)

"Did you choose that," Hakkai said, "or-- or-- "

"Kind of," Gojyo said, thinking of his mother.

Oh, Gojyo, Gojyo.

This is just lovely!

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I owe that exchange to emungere's cut off fic, as that's what put the idea in my head. :)

[emungere.livejournal.com]

♥!

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

♥!!1!11

[emungere.livejournal.com]

and more hearts!! i forgot about this one. mmm, tasty.

[devikun.livejournal.com]

This is so disarmingly sexy. And I've read it three times I'm still trying to work out why. *shivers*

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, thank you very much! I tried to write it like it was sex, which might explain some of it...

[aqua-eyes.livejournal.com]

♥

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thsnk you!

[new-kate.livejournal.com]

oh yes thank you.
love.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Yay! *hug*

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

oooooooooooooooooo. oooooooooooooooooooooooooo. (gah, gojyo and hakkai, seriously.)

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thank you :)

[grendelity.livejournal.com]

Oooh. For some reason, this is very entrancing. Just...smooth. Almost dreamy. And I love reading shakujou fics, for some reason. XD Maybe because all the ones I've read are good.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much indeed!

Personally, I would love more stories about Gojyo's weapon... Sorry, I try, but the innuendo just gets me every time. But seriously, I would.

[sffan.livejournal.com]

This *is* very entrancing. I'm also not entirely sure why, but the why doesn't matter, what matters is that it's a great piece of storytelling.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you very much indeed!

[trensaddiction.livejournal.com]

There's something about Gojyo, Hakkai and weapons that just goes together very nicely, particularly when you're telling it. And I really enjoy the uncertainty at the end, the way you get the feeling they just narrowly avoided going somewhere they didn't want to. Beautifully done.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

I kind of want to see them have a fight. Is that wrong and bad of me? And I think Hakkai would be fascinated by Gojyo's power, specially because his weapon has such brutal results. I mean, that must resonate with him, and isn't it interesting that Gojyo, the sweet at heart guy, has the most devasting weapon? *grimly ignores innuendo*

Also, thank you!

[lisa-bee.livejournal.com]

Wow.

Coherent feedback tomorrow when I'm awake. For now: Wow.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Even your non-coherent feedback is most welcome (although it seems very coherent to me). Thank you! *g*

[lisa-bee.livejournal.com]

It's really interesting that we hardly ever think about just what his weapon means to Gojyo. It's proof of his heritage, and it's just about the only object we ever see that came from his father, but it's also part of himself. Lots of emotional baggage, if you stop to think about it.

This fic is great because it makes you really look at the fact that he pulls something out of thin air (or out of himself) and kills with it, and question whether it was always that easy, that intuitive. (Not just learning to use the weapon, but learning to use it around other people: it's the final proof that he's not just a human guy with unfortunate hair dye, and he tries so hard to blend.)

One of my favorite lines is this, because it really brings home the curious intimacy of the scene:

He reached out to touch, but Gojyo blinked, stomach flipping, and it was gone.

And the idea that it's Hakkai pushing (in his not-overtly-pressuring-you, Hakkai way) that gets Gojyo to actually pull it up is a great touch. (I could go into the "they force each other to grow and adapt, see?" spiel, but I won't.)

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes! I love thinking about Gojyo's kappa side and how it might fit with and affect his human side. Gojyo's shakujou is absolute proof that he isn't human, yet it's heartbreaking just how hard he *does* try to blend in. Banri says as much in the Burial arc. One more reason why he fits with Hakkai - they are both outside both youkai and human society, being neither one nor the other.

I would love to hear more of your 'they force each other to grow and adapt' spiel, because this is what this story is about, really.

Great feedback, thank you so much!

[wedjateye.livejournal.com]

I love how strongly you evoke atmosphere with something so brief. The shivery feeling wasn't limited to hakkai and Gojyo.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

I am so pleased you think so - thank you! :D

[toscas-kiss.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm. Very very nice.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[bladderwrack.livejournal.com]

gulp. Goosepimples, yo. Such a lot of atmosphere in so sparse a text, all clear and bright and sharp. Not a word out of place.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

ps - I got your both your comments. *g* LJ is playing silly buggers again, but thanks.

[nekonexus.livejournal.com]

oh, wow. Yes. Lovely lovely... all the innuendo subverted and turned 'round and yes. Just like that.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

It's almost impossible to write anything about Gojyo's weapon without a tidal wave of innuendo, so I just went with it. *g*

Thanks very much indeed!

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

Rawr.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, weapons. :D

[cicer.livejournal.com]

Ack. Beautiful. Oh, Gojyo...

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Poor guy. He tries so hard to fit in and never really does. I'm glad he's got Hakkai so they can not fit in together.

Glad you liked this, thanks.

[kinsugi.livejournal.com]

The innuendo at the beginning was cute; the actual interaction among Hakkai, Gojyo, and the shakujou was amazing, sharp, and deep.

he could count the times he'd done it on one hand
The mention of his mother, Gojyo's physical reactions, and the fact that this takes place quite early, before they've really begun to know each other and before they are collected by Sanzo for the journey, all add to the impact of the moment. I loved this!

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I love this moment between them so much myself. I'm so glad that intensity comes across. I was worried that the innuendo would be too crass, but it was hard to resist and I'm pleased it's not.

Oooh, nice shakujou