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[personal profile] louiselux
Ficlet for [livejournal.com profile] daegaer, who suggested: Hakkai gets nostalgic and tries to tell Gojyo about his past love life. Hakkai/Gojyo,  G.

Stains


'Tsk. All this blood,' Hakkai said, stepping over some entrails. 'It's splashed all over my trouser leg. I'll never get it out.'

He stood with Gojyo amid piles of corpses, which were steaming in the fresh morning air. Sunlight dappled the clearing, doing its best to make the place look cheery. It wasn't working.

Gojyo looked. There was a large, dark stain on Hakkai's trousers.

'Sorry, man,' Gojyo shrugged. There was a spray of blood drying on Gojyo's face, from his jaw to his hairline. His hands were sticky with something that smelled seriously bad.

'My point is, Gojyo' said Hakkai, 'is it really necessary to disembowel everyone?'

'Hey, don't tell me how I should be slicing people up.'

'My apologies. Obviously you know best. Yet surely a simple cut to the jugular would work just as well.'

'That sprays blood everywhere.'

'But there wouldn't be that terrible smell.'

'Jesus. Yes Mom.  I'll do it how I like.'

'Or perhaps some other vital artery would work. You might want to borrow my anatomy book.'

'You brought it with you?'

'It can be useful,' Hakkai said vaguely, dabbing at his leg with a handkerchief. 'Ah, this puts me in mind of Kanan.'

He sighed, head still bent over the stain. Gojyo tensed.

'Uh. Okay.'

'She had a marvellous remedy for bloodstains. It could get anything out. Anything at all.'

'Hakkai. Well-- let's go back to Jeep.'

Hakkai didn't move.

'Don't tug at me, Gojyo,' he said. His head was still bowed, his hands clutching the handkerchief, frozen with white knuckles. 'Once she cut her foot on a bit of glass. My fault. Obviously I had failed to sweep up a breakage properly. There was blood everywhere. She was as calm as anything. I fainted, I'm ashamed to say.'

'Hakkai.'

'There really was a lot of it, but she got it out of the rug eventually.  One part cornstarch to two parts water, and a drop of ammonia.'

Gojyo put his hand on Hakkai's arm. It was rigid.

'Let's go and find an inn. Hot water sounds good right now, doesn't it? Come on, Hakkai. Please.'

'She was stronger than me, in many ways,' Hakkai said. 'More stubborn.'

'I doubt it,' Gojyo muttered.

Hakkai was looking at him now. His good eye was narrowed.

'She was the one who asked me,' he said. 'She kept asking until I said yes.'

Gojyo knew what he was talking about. He didn't say, what made you think it was okay to fuck your sister? Or what was it like? He didn't want the answers and anyway had enough personal experience to make a pretty good guess. This really wasn't the place for this.

'Oh. I didn't know,' he said, instead, because he hadn't.

'As I said, she was stronger. More determined in her disregard for convention.'

Or maybe she just didn't want to be alone, Gojyo thought. Anyone could understand that. Worth breaking the rules for a man like Hakkai.

'Hey,' he said, and slipped his hand into Hakkai's and squeezed.

Hakkai looked at him and blinked, then his face softened. His hand tightened around Gojyo's. Relief flooded Gojyo's gut and despite the buzzing flies and puddles of gore he was overcome by an almost painful need to fling his arms around Hakkai and crush him close.

'I'm sorry,' Hakkai said, looking worried. 'I didn't mean to-- '

'Doesn't matter. We can talk about it later.'

'Gojyo,' Hakkai said, sounding shocked. 'That must be very unpleasant.'

It took him a moment to realise Hakkai meant the blood drops on his face. His skin felt tight where they'd dried.

'Let me wipe this off  for you.'

Gojyo let go and stood still. Hakkai began dabbing at his face with a damp hanky, fussing, until the blood was gone.

Date: 2005-07-28 10:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sffan.livejournal.com
I really like what you did in this one. Very nice look at Hakkai.

Date: 2005-07-28 01:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you so much:)

Date: 2005-07-28 10:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] december-star.livejournal.com
Oh! Oh! Speechless.

Date: 2005-07-28 01:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you! *So* glad you liked it.

Date: 2005-07-28 11:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistressrenet.livejournal.com
Oh. Oh, that's beautiful. Hakkai's just right-- somewhere trapped between the past and the future, with Gojyo being the one to pull him back....

Date: 2005-07-29 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you. That's pretty much how I saw them here myself-- like, Hakkai's life being too much for him to cope with sometimes and Gojyo just being there for him.

Date: 2005-07-28 11:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daegaer.livejournal.com
Oh. Oh, yes. Oh, poor Hakkai.

he was overcome by an almost painful need to fling his arms around Hakkai and crush him close.

It's what they both need. Poor damaged boys.

Thank you! I love this!

Date: 2005-07-29 05:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm so glad. Thank you.

They're definitely a messed up pair, but what's so lovely about them is that they both seem to know they can rely on each other.

Date: 2005-07-28 12:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
*wibbles* The pain, the brink of sanity, Hakkai, so broken, and in such good hands now.
The way you draw the parallel here, getting Gojyo to overidentify. Wow. Yes.
Thank you

Date: 2005-07-29 05:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you so much. That's made me think about how Gojyo tends to overidentify a *lot* in the manga, particularly with kids and even once with a woman (Shunrei, I think).

So glad you liked it!

Date: 2005-07-28 01:10 pm (UTC)
thawrecka: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thawrecka
Oh, wow. That's just perfect. I don't even have the words.

Date: 2005-07-29 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you.

Date: 2005-07-28 01:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lisa-bee.livejournal.com
Oh.

So close to broken and holding together by his fingernails.

Oh.

Date: 2005-07-29 05:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I really love Hakkai, but I've no idea how he copes with his life and I suppose this is what this fic is about-- him not coping. What he really needs is Gojyo to wrap him up cuddle him.

Thank you!

Date: 2005-07-28 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nekonexus.livejournal.com
agh. *wibbles* *is speechless*

just. yeah. wow.

Date: 2005-07-29 05:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
So glad you liked this - thank you so much!

Date: 2005-07-28 05:09 pm (UTC)
scribblemoose: image of moose with pen and paper (hakkai)
From: [personal profile] scribblemoose
Oh! Wow. It was all funny and then it went to the dark, dark place and then exquisite fluff, and all in such a short fic!

Lovely. :)

Date: 2005-07-29 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm glad you mentioned the funny - no one else did so I was thinking I'd hit completely the wrong tone with that bit! Or perhaps we just share a more gory sense of humour?

I'm really pleased you like it!

Date: 2005-07-29 05:54 pm (UTC)
scribblemoose: image of moose with pen and paper (hakkai)
From: [personal profile] scribblemoose
I think the humour's very resonant of the darker bits of Saiyuki humour, which I love. There's that frame after Hakkai's decimated the big boss in the Gourd-dimension, and he's casually kicking entrails out of the way... it reminded me of that, very much so. :)

Date: 2005-07-28 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andmydog.livejournal.com
That was the right way to wake up. Awesome job!

Date: 2005-07-29 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!

Date: 2005-07-28 06:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hibem.livejournal.com
...



wow.

Date: 2005-07-29 05:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2005-07-28 08:53 pm (UTC)

Date: 2005-07-29 05:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm *very* glad you think so. Thanks!

Date: 2005-07-29 05:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shirochan.livejournal.com
oh. Lovely. Very lovely. Gojyo's way with saying things and how he's just always there for Hakkai.

and the setting. Love it. <3

Date: 2005-07-29 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2005-07-29 06:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] akisawana.livejournal.com
::thud::
This *fits* in with canon so well, and is so sweet, and dark, like those really expensive chocolates that you get once and remember the rest of your life.

Date: 2005-07-29 05:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Hey, your comment is making my mouth water... XD

I kind of think Hakkai *must* lose it sometimes. No one can be that shut off from their past. Can they?

I'm glad you liked it.

Date: 2005-08-01 01:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm talking to myself now- is the point about Hakkai that he is not shut off from his past at all, but suffers for it every day? Sometimes the suffering must get too much and we get to see the cracks, or see through the cracks to what's underneath.

Date: 2005-07-31 10:43 pm (UTC)
permetaform: (::details:: [mine])
From: [personal profile] permetaform
asjhfdjk.

::LOVES::

Date: 2005-08-03 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm really pleased - thanks:)

Date: 2005-08-01 04:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cicer.livejournal.com
*wibbles* I love this. I adore how you write Hakkai. It so perfectly in-character, yet it explores even more of his personality than we ever see. So good.

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