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louiseluxKicking off the week with fic! It's a miracle.
Pairing: hints of Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: G
Notes: For the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
temps_mort 'smell' challenge and written in 45 mins. This is set in the early days, when Hakkai and Gojyo are first living together and are trying to get to know each other.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters
To the Water
He was woken by Hakkai shaking his shoulder.
'It's nearly lunchtime,' Hakkai said, leaning over him with a smile.
'So?' he mumbled. ''M'tired,' and he rolled over.
Hakkai's fingers pinched harder on his shoulder. 'And you said you'd have lunch with me today, remember?'
'Can we make it dinner instead?' he said, trying to nuzzle back into the pillow, but sleep was drifting away however hard he tried to get it back.
'No,' Hakkai said. 'I've done baking and made sandwiches now. Anyway you promised and you wouldn't let me down, would you, Gojyo?'
Gojyo smiled into his pillow. He was still leaning over Gojyo, so close that when Gojyo turned back over to face him he could detect a faint waft of bath soap. It drifted out from the loose neck of Hakkai's shirt.
'Okay, okay. How can I pass up home baking,' he said, although it didn't sound that great when all he wanted was coffee.
Hakkai straightened up, his smile wide. 'I'll get it packed then.'
'Huh?'
'Our picnic, remember?'
Oh. Gojyo did remember now. They had a thing. Gojyo wasn't sure what to call it, but it appeared to make Hakkai happy so he went along with it. Hakkai had some idea that they should do things together, so they could get to know each other better. Gojyo wasn't sure he could see the point.
'We see each other every day,' he'd said.
'Yes, but still. We don't know much about each other, do we?'
Gojyo didn't feel able to refuse. Hakkai read a lot and Gojyo suspected he'd got this idea from some book about how to 'live your life'. He didn't see the point in such things himself, but Hakkai-- maybe he needed something to tell him how to live. He was starting from the beginning again, not like Gojyo. The thought sent a shiver through him.
They walked down to the river together, Gojyo carrying the basket and Hakkai with the spare blanket that used to be pure essence of mothball and mould but that now carried a strong whiff of detergent. It was sunny and birds sang out all around them as they walked along the wooded lane, feet falling into deep ruts left by carts in the winter mud. They talked, easily and with natural silences that Gojyo found made him very happy. Gojyo always had a lot to say to Hakkai these days, which surprised him and pleased him equally. It was times like this, when conversation rambled, that new thoughts would spark up in his brain. It helped that Hakkai appeared to be interested.
No one came to this bit of the river much, but Gojyo knew a spot where sweet-scented camomile grew in straggly clumps and where they could wade out barefoot into the shallow water and look at the fish. They nibbled at Gojyo's toes and Hakkai bent over to examine them.
'They like you. They want to eat you,' Hakkai said.
Gojyo wiggled his toes happily. He could tell Hakkai was laughing behind that serious look.
'Weird fish, I say,'
'Maybe you're a water sprite,' Hakkai said, with a smile, and then shrieked in an amusing girlish way when Gojyo splashed cold river water all over his shirt.
'Maybe I am.'
The river seemed to be in the air; the scent of water and weed hung around them, cool and soothing in the afternoon heat. Eventually Hakkai said it was time to eat and they crawled into the patterned shade and lay on the blanket to dry off. Hakkai's feet were pale and long and tiny bits of gravel clung to them. They were nice feet, Gojyo thought.
Hakkai took his shirt off and left it in the sun to dry. Gojyo noticed the slight pause as he pulled it over his head.
'It's nothing I haven't seen before,' Gojyo murmured between sips of beer. They both knew he meant Hakkai's scar. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Hakkai lowered himself down next to him.
'See,' Hakkai said after a while. 'Isn't this nice?'
He leaned up on one elbow and smiled down into Gojyo's eyes. The sun was behind him, so Gojyo couldn't see his face very well, just the corners of a smile. But he could see the fine grain of Hakkai's skin and shadow of dark hair in his armpit and his pale pink nipples. Skin and hair smelled different when the sun shone on it, he thought. More alive.
He let himself be quietly dazzled, and smiled back.
Pairing: hints of Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: G
Notes: For the
temps_mort 'smell' challenge and written in 45 mins. This is set in the early days, when Hakkai and Gojyo are first living together and are trying to get to know each other. Disclaimer: I do not own these characters
To the Water
He was woken by Hakkai shaking his shoulder.
'It's nearly lunchtime,' Hakkai said, leaning over him with a smile.
'So?' he mumbled. ''M'tired,' and he rolled over.
Hakkai's fingers pinched harder on his shoulder. 'And you said you'd have lunch with me today, remember?'
'Can we make it dinner instead?' he said, trying to nuzzle back into the pillow, but sleep was drifting away however hard he tried to get it back.
'No,' Hakkai said. 'I've done baking and made sandwiches now. Anyway you promised and you wouldn't let me down, would you, Gojyo?'
Gojyo smiled into his pillow. He was still leaning over Gojyo, so close that when Gojyo turned back over to face him he could detect a faint waft of bath soap. It drifted out from the loose neck of Hakkai's shirt.
'Okay, okay. How can I pass up home baking,' he said, although it didn't sound that great when all he wanted was coffee.
Hakkai straightened up, his smile wide. 'I'll get it packed then.'
'Huh?'
'Our picnic, remember?'
Oh. Gojyo did remember now. They had a thing. Gojyo wasn't sure what to call it, but it appeared to make Hakkai happy so he went along with it. Hakkai had some idea that they should do things together, so they could get to know each other better. Gojyo wasn't sure he could see the point.
'We see each other every day,' he'd said.
'Yes, but still. We don't know much about each other, do we?'
Gojyo didn't feel able to refuse. Hakkai read a lot and Gojyo suspected he'd got this idea from some book about how to 'live your life'. He didn't see the point in such things himself, but Hakkai-- maybe he needed something to tell him how to live. He was starting from the beginning again, not like Gojyo. The thought sent a shiver through him.
They walked down to the river together, Gojyo carrying the basket and Hakkai with the spare blanket that used to be pure essence of mothball and mould but that now carried a strong whiff of detergent. It was sunny and birds sang out all around them as they walked along the wooded lane, feet falling into deep ruts left by carts in the winter mud. They talked, easily and with natural silences that Gojyo found made him very happy. Gojyo always had a lot to say to Hakkai these days, which surprised him and pleased him equally. It was times like this, when conversation rambled, that new thoughts would spark up in his brain. It helped that Hakkai appeared to be interested.
No one came to this bit of the river much, but Gojyo knew a spot where sweet-scented camomile grew in straggly clumps and where they could wade out barefoot into the shallow water and look at the fish. They nibbled at Gojyo's toes and Hakkai bent over to examine them.
'They like you. They want to eat you,' Hakkai said.
Gojyo wiggled his toes happily. He could tell Hakkai was laughing behind that serious look.
'Weird fish, I say,'
'Maybe you're a water sprite,' Hakkai said, with a smile, and then shrieked in an amusing girlish way when Gojyo splashed cold river water all over his shirt.
'Maybe I am.'
The river seemed to be in the air; the scent of water and weed hung around them, cool and soothing in the afternoon heat. Eventually Hakkai said it was time to eat and they crawled into the patterned shade and lay on the blanket to dry off. Hakkai's feet were pale and long and tiny bits of gravel clung to them. They were nice feet, Gojyo thought.
Hakkai took his shirt off and left it in the sun to dry. Gojyo noticed the slight pause as he pulled it over his head.
'It's nothing I haven't seen before,' Gojyo murmured between sips of beer. They both knew he meant Hakkai's scar. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Hakkai lowered himself down next to him.
'See,' Hakkai said after a while. 'Isn't this nice?'
He leaned up on one elbow and smiled down into Gojyo's eyes. The sun was behind him, so Gojyo couldn't see his face very well, just the corners of a smile. But he could see the fine grain of Hakkai's skin and shadow of dark hair in his armpit and his pale pink nipples. Skin and hair smelled different when the sun shone on it, he thought. More alive.
He let himself be quietly dazzled, and smiled back.
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Date: 2005-05-23 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 02:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:02 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it.
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Date: 2005-05-23 02:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 03:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 06:39 pm (UTC)They had a thing. Indeed! Not being able to name it at all makes it many things instead of nothing. They had an arrangement? They had a commitment? They had a date? They had a relationship? They had...? Not ready to call it anything yet, but "thing" being a place holder that makes room for all of it.
I loved this idea too: Gojyo suspected he'd got this idea from some book about how to 'live your life' [...] maybe he needed something to tell him how to live. I think it's an important part of Hakkai's character and therefore of their relationship at that point that he is trying to figure out how to live all over again, from the beginning. It also reminds me a little (in a good way) of
I've always assumed that Gojyo knew he was half-kappa, so I'm curious about how you leave his "Maybe I am" so ambiguous here, as if he's not sure whether to talk about that yet. But I love how you imply the depth of their rapport by how easy Gojyo finds it to talk with Hakkai and that it even leads him to new thoughts, as well as comfortable silences -- the very subtle echo that they are already old friends, they just need to get to know each other.
If I may be so bold as to offer a bit of concrit... One line snagged me and I had to back up and reread: Hakkai took his shirt off and left it in the sun to dry, with only a slight pause as he pulled it over his head. This made for a hiccup in the otherwise easy flow of linear time through this story, because to read it literally it seems that he leaves his shirt in the sun before he pauses while taking it off -- the hiccup could be easily fixed with something like "Hakkai began to take his shirt off to leave it in the sun to dry, with only..."
Such impressive work for only 45 minutes, wow.
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Date: 2005-05-24 02:01 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for this feedback- it's wonderful, as is the concrit. I took you advice and changed that sentence around slightly. Basically I broke up the sentence into two so it's two separate things now, which seems to work better and solves the problem of timing.
About the kappa thing - it's more a case of Gojyo not saying and perhaps being more guarded about his background than he is about other things in his life. I put it in because I liked the interplay of knowing and not knowing between them at this stage in their friendship, and of secrets being told. I really want to write the story where they tell each other things no one else knows. The kappa thing in this is about that.
Nekonexus's fic really nailed the 'why Hakkai moves in with Gojyo' thing for me - because he thinks Gojyo can show him how to be alive again, even though Gojyo himself feels like he's not really living, just going through the motions. I suppose they lead each other back to life. Hakkai knows technically how to live, but he doesn't always get it right and I think this is where part of his scariness/creepiness comes from.
Really glad you liked the fic! Thank you again:)
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Date: 2005-05-26 11:23 pm (UTC)I'm glad to hear you enjoyed "Breathe." Once the idea got in my head, I couldn't *not* write it, so it's always... umm... gives me warm fuzzies, or something, to hear how other people react to it.
And I think you've got it exactly in this line:
Hakkai knows technically how to live, but he doesn't always get it right and I think this is where part of his scariness/creepiness comes from.
*nodnod* *thinks about sun, and summer, and vacation, and picnics...* mmmm.... ^_^
~Tavam
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Date: 2005-05-23 09:33 pm (UTC)Have I mentioned recently that I am so glad you picked up Saiyuki? 'cos I am.
*bwees*
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Date: 2005-05-24 02:02 pm (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2005-05-24 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 02:05 pm (UTC)They are a domestic pair, I think:)
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Date: 2005-05-24 04:59 am (UTC)*so much*
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Date: 2005-05-24 02:05 pm (UTC)