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[personal profile] louiselux
Yay, I finally managed to make some marks on a bit of paper and call it a story. This was for the [livejournal.com profile] temps_mort perfect/imperfect challenge in 45 (not counting spelling) mins.

Title: Imperfection
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: G



They'd woken up a little while ago:

'Gojyo. I can't see anything. Say something.'

'Hnn. M'here,' he'd croaked. 'Who put the lights out?'

Their fingers groped and met in the dark, twining together painfully hard. Gojyo could tell that Hakkai was very close.

'I'm hurt,' Hakkai said.

His voice was low and gasping, with a terrible hint of wetness as though there was liquid in his throat. Gojyo's heart thumped sickeningly and even though he was sprawled flat on what felt like cold stone, his head span as if he were whirling round and round. Against the dark he saw Goku and Sanzo and the weird magic Ni Jienyi had flung at them. Hakkai running to defend them, Gojyo leaping to protect him. The thick iron door of the chamber they both now lay in, bleeding.

Hakkai's voice again, closer. 'And you, Gojyo?'

'Yeah. Feels like I've got holes where I shouldn't have 'em. Are you-- how bad are you?'

'Oh. Very,' said Hakkai and he sounded lost, as if not understanding that this was how it was going to end. Or understanding all too well yet refusing to accept it.

They lay silent and unmoving for moments until Gojyo felt the tremors of Hakkai shivering. They transmitted themselves down Gojyo's arm and like a current they sparked something in the cold, damp air between them: a gap that demanded to be closed. Suddenly there was a frantic rearrangement of arms and legs and two bodies until they were pressed tight together, gasping and clinging on. Hakkai pressed his face into Gojyo's neck and panted like a trapped animal.

It didn't matter that the floor was slimed with mould or that the darkness sent sparkling patterns swimming in front of his eyes or that the soft feet of vermin scuttled in the corners, waiting. Hakkai was here and they were both still breathing. Hakkai's heart pulsed against his own, speeding up.

'Are we going to die?' Gojyo asked, as if he didn't already know.

Hakkai's voice, hot and muffled against the skin just in front of his left ear lobe. Gojyo felt terror and Hakkai burrowed closer, speaking Gojyo's own thoughts.

'Yes. I think so.'

'Shit.'

'Do you mind?'

Gojyo almost laughed. How were you supposed to answer a question like that? It was a very Hakkai sort of thing to say, as if dying was down to a badly planned day trip or some oversight on Hakkai's part: mild concern about its reflection on his role of group caretaker. It was the fucking priest's fault, not Hakkai's.

He tightened his arms around Hakkai and breathed as deep as he could before it hurt too much. The breathing made him calmer but he could still hear the blood pulsing in his ears, thudding with his heart.

'Gojyo. Gojyo,' Hakkai whispered after a while. It sounded like a mantra. 'I'm afraid.'

The words fell brokenly into the pitch darkness.

'Wherever you're going, I'm going too,' said Gojyo, because at that moment it was true and the truth was all there was worth speaking. 'I can feel it.'

Hakkai was breathing in his ear, his arms wrapped tight around Gojyo's neck and the whole length of him was stretched out against Gojyo so they were touching all the way up.

He kissed Hakkai's hair, the place where it met the damp skin at his temple. What a thing to discover on the way out, he thought, that Hakkai fitted into the curve of his arms like he'd always belonged there. He stroked the short hair at the nape of Hakkai's neck, over and over, his other hand wound round Hakkai's waist, where the blood was starting to soak through.

'I thought you wanted to die during sex,' Hakkai said, his limbs loosening and becoming heavy, 'with a beauty on your lap.'

His hands slipped a little, then scrabbled to get back to where they had been tucked against Gojyo's neck.

'This is better,' said Gojyo, and kissed him on the side of his face, even though the angle made his neck hurt and his stomach flare with hot pain. Everywhere he could reach, he touched with his lips, feeling the curves of Hakkai's face. 'I want to see you.' He wished it more than anything. 'Hakkai. Hakkai?'

'I think I always loved you.'

The words were soft and slurred against his ear; they were the sort of words that should be said in such a way, making your ear tickle. They were the sort of words you always longed to hear. Bad timing, thought Gojyo. Someone somewhere was laughing at the joke.

'You think I don't know that?'

He was slowing, his thoughts thick and blurry and his arms full of warmth.

Gojyo held on tighter, feeling stupid and brave and loved and terrified, and struggled against the dark.
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Date: 2005-01-26 03:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daegaer.livejournal.com
'I think I always loved you.'

The words were soft and slurred against his ear; they were the sort of words that should be said in such a way, making your ear tickle. They were the sort of words you always longed to hear. Bad timing, thought Gojyo. Someone somewhere was laughing at the joke.

'You think I don't know that?'


So sad. This is very lovely.

Date: 2005-01-26 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you!

I look at Saiyuki and wonder, 'can this really have a happy ending?' I sort of hope it can, but then part of me thinks not. Glad you liked this:)

Date: 2005-01-26 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistressrenet.livejournal.com
God.

Oh...oh.

Read this twice, now, letting it sink in. Lovely. So lovely together, even in the dark.

Date: 2005-01-26 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you!

I often wonder how the series will end and there's a more than little part of me that thinks they'll die. Well, either that or just get straight back in the jeep and carry on forever.

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Date: 2005-01-26 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lisa-bee.livejournal.com
I just... guh. I'm all weepy now, because this is so lovely and sad.

I'm bookmarking it for sure.


He was slowing, his thoughts thick and blurry and his arms full of warmth.

Gojyo held on tighter, feeling stupid and brave and loved and terrified, and struggled against the dark.<.i>

Just. Ouch. So good.

Date: 2005-01-26 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2005-01-26 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emungere.livejournal.com
Oh...so *good*.

*sniffle*

Date: 2005-01-26 09:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thanks! Glad you liked it.

Date: 2005-01-26 10:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tgreywords.livejournal.com
//What a thing to discover on the way out, he thought, that Hakkai fitted into the curve of his arms like he'd always belonged there.//

Favourite line. This is a thing of beauty, boss.

Date: 2005-01-27 03:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thanks so much! I'm glad you thought so.

Date: 2005-01-26 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cicer.livejournal.com
Oh God.....*crushed*

My poor babies!

Date: 2005-01-27 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Oh no, I didn't mean to crush you!

pssst - although it looks bad, I don't think they actually do die here

Date: 2005-01-26 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jamjar.livejournal.com
Oh, *ow*. In the best way, but really, *ow*.

There are some lines here that will just *linger*.

Date: 2005-01-27 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm so pleased you liked this - thank you!

Date: 2005-01-26 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] erode.livejournal.com
So very beautiful and so very sad. I just.. Oh dear.

Date: 2005-01-27 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Awww, thanks!

Date: 2005-01-27 02:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boggit.livejournal.com
Absolutely heartbreaking. In the very best of ways.

Ah, Gojyo, why do you figure things out always a step too late?? And, Hakkai, stop being so bloody collected all the time! But that's what I love about them, so...

/incoherence

Date: 2005-01-27 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Poor Gojyo-- at least he did figure it out in the end.

I'm really glad you liked this and thanks for the feedback!

Date: 2005-01-27 03:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uiggu.livejournal.com
Wow. Wow. Beautiful and sad and romantic, in a strange dark way.

Mind if I friend you? Got here via [livejournal.com profile] mistressrenet, residemt pimp amd crack dealer.

Date: 2005-01-27 03:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!

Yes- friending is absolutely fine:)

Date: 2005-01-27 04:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thefacelessevil.livejournal.com
::jaw slacks:: I found this by utter chance.. and.. ohgod loved it to death. ::quickly saves it to harddrive:: Goddamn.. wow... wow...

Date: 2005-01-27 03:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Hey, thank you!

I love your icon, btw! It makes me want to watch that cracktastic episode all over again, just to see Hakkai's enormous water pistol.

(no subject)

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Date: 2005-01-27 04:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jibii.livejournal.com
oh god.. just.. god.. that was gorgeous and heartbreaking and somanymorethingsallatonceaaa.. ;o; <3<3<3 ::utterly loves it... goes back to read it again!::

Date: 2005-01-27 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Hee! I';m so happy you thought so, really! Thank you!

Date: 2005-01-27 06:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tiggymalvern.livejournal.com
More loveliness from you. I'm coming to expect it XD. You manage to hit a note exactly and make it beautiful and somehow not sappy. So impressed.

Date: 2005-01-27 03:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Aww. *blushes* Thank you!

I'm *very* glad you though this avoided being sappy. I hoped it would but you can never be quite sure.

Date: 2005-01-27 08:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lebateleur.livejournal.com
Oh gods!!! I'm not usually one for multiple explanation points, but this sure deserves them. It's just so wonderfully in character, sparely described, and all too believable. The last half was painful (and so, so good), but this: 'Wherever you're going, I'm going too,' said Gojyo, because at that moment it was true and the truth was all there was worth speaking. 'I can feel it.' broke my heart.

::loves::

Date: 2005-01-27 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you liked it.

It's an honour and a priveledge to warrant those exclamation points, especially from you, because you've written some of the most amazing Saiyuki fic I've read.

Date: 2005-01-27 11:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angstymcgoth.livejournal.com
It's amazing that you can make this so real and heartbreaking without any sap at all! Thank you so much for writing it.

Date: 2005-01-27 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thanks for the feedback! Glad you liked it!

Date: 2005-01-27 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sleepy-gardens.livejournal.com
Ah, you got me all weepy with this one. I'm such a sucker for tragic *cracks a grin so wide it hides the stars*.

Date: 2005-01-27 10:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Aww, I like your grin!

Thank you:)

Date: 2005-01-27 08:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
That was done in just 45 minutes?
*is speechless*
Amazing. So beautiful...

Date: 2005-01-27 10:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Well I wrote it a bit under 45 minutes, but with much frantic spellchecking and editing to make it read okay.

I'm glad you liked it-- thank you!

Date: 2005-01-29 07:23 am (UTC)
permetaform: (::as.good.as.a.yes:: [mine])
From: [personal profile] permetaform
ohhhh,

fuck, ohhhhh, ::hugs you:: this is fantastic, you pull at my gut and my heart in such a lovely way, thank you

Date: 2005-01-29 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm so pleased you liked this:)

Date: 2005-01-30 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tehkiwidelight.livejournal.com
*dies with them*

Date: 2005-01-31 01:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Awww, thanks!

Date: 2005-02-02 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] songokuu.livejournal.com
*silent, tottally silent*
...I've never read a gojouxhakkai fic like this.
Omigod that is so sad, can it be continued? Does it have to end this way? Oh boy, you have sooo unblocked my writer's block! *runs away to write hakkaixgojou fic*

-gokuu

Date: 2005-02-10 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you!

I'm pretty thrilled that this unblocked you:D

Date: 2005-02-06 01:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] edonohana.livejournal.com
It looks like I forgot to comment on this. It's really well-written, and it made me cry, and I bookmarked it. Thanks for writing it!

Date: 2005-02-10 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Wow - those three things you told me make me feel very very pleased indeed. Thank you for coming back to comment - I really appreciate it!

Date: 2005-02-07 03:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com
I'm a bit late in replying; but...this is so heart-breakingly beautiful. There aren't the words to properly convey my awe. Thank you, thank you, for writing such a fic without falling into any of the usual deathfic cliches. It's just so perfectly Gojyo and Hakkai, and...and...just...thank you for sharing it.

Date: 2005-02-10 10:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
I'm so pleased that you liked this - thank you:)

I often wonder how it'll all end. Some part of me can see it happening like this - karma finally catching up with them. Another part sees them living forever (well, I suppose, being gods...), or living till old age and dying peacefully.

Date: 2005-02-15 04:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hungry-worm.livejournal.com
Oh wow. Just... wow. I'm in awe. I'm not too familiar with Saiyuuki, but this is fantastic. So heavy and bittersweet, laced with darkness. Really beautiful!
*adds to memories*
:)

Date: 2005-02-15 04:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hungry-worm.livejournal.com
oh I forgot - how could I? - sad... if I read it again, slower, I know I'll cry. Not many fics do that. You're good :D

Date: 2005-02-21 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amikatana.livejournal.com
I just randomly found this, and oh WOW. Just freakin wow. *sticks in memories*

Date: 2005-02-21 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm really pleased you enjoyed this.

Date: 2005-11-27 01:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kickingrad.livejournal.com
I know you wrote this about 42 years ago now, but I just fell over it again in my memories and realised I never wrote anything.

I think this is possibly my favourite saiyuki fic, one I'll always come back to. It's just so beautiful and powerful and painful and it makes me want to try my hardest to illustrate it.

...so yeah. :D
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