Hakkai/Gojyo snippet for Permetaform
Nov. 12th, 2004 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
louiseluxBack in the mists of October (I really didn't think it would take this long), ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
permetaform said Hakkai/Gojyo & coffee. I've been twiddling with this for a while - any feedback would be much appreciated.
Title: Sleepless
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: G
Notes: mild spoilers for vol 5
It must be the caffeine. Gojyo lay staring into the shadows long after he should have been asleep. They made good coffee at this place and he didn't want to only have it once more, at breakfast. Hakkai had warned him it would keep him up all night-- a bit much coming from someone who drank gallons of the stuff.
It was like old times, sharing a room with Hakkai. They had talked idly and till quite late, Hakkai teasing out of him more than he ever wanted to say about anything, like always.
He looked across at the faint lump in the other bed, outlined by the glimmer of light that came under the door. Sounds from the inn drifted under too: the melancholy closing-time sounds he was so familiar with. It all meant the same thing: fun's over, go home, even if home meant a crappy, empty flat. He could hear the clank of the mop bucket and the scrape of chairs on floorboards as they were put back in order. The sharp chink of glass on glass. They gave him an immediate, painful urge to be far away from this quiet room and instead to be enjoying himself somewhere noisy and hot, with someone noisy and hot. He could be doing that instead of tagging along as part of Sanzo's travelling freak show. Sudden and violent anger hit him and he sat up, throwing off the blankets, his heart pitter-pattering behind his ribs. He hadn't asked for any of this. He could just get up, walk out and disappear. It would be so easy.
'Shit,' he whispered into his hands, rubbing at his eyes. Was he seriously thinking of running away to get laid? The thrill of a pointless, mindless fuck, so bright and appealing a few seconds ago, dwindled away until it was nothing. Grow up, he thought, then laughed a little-- the words came in Sanzo's voice, even down to his exact scornful intonation. Gojyo could even conjure up the look that went with it, the one that said: you're so stupid I might just have to kill you.
Last night they'd camped. The sunsets were awesome in the desert; the sky seemed bigger out there, somehow. Even Sanzo had admitted, somewhat pissily, that the huge red and gold streamers on the horizon were very beautiful that evening. Hakkai had been sitting next to him, cross-legged on the ground, looking up. Below them the valley spread out and he could see the dirt road stretching away into the purple dusk. The prickly bushes bore yellow flowers that smelled sweet in the warm night air. Hakkai took a strand of Gojyo's hair between his fingers and held it up in front of his eyes.
'I do believe the sky matches you exactly tonight,' Hakkai said, turning his head a little to smile into Gojyo's eyes.
Then he'd stroked the lock of hair carefully back into place and Gojyo had to put his cup down to hide his shaking hands.
'I don't know why you're bothering trying to keep his ridiculous mop tidy,' Sanzo had said, giving them a long look over his spectacles, the metal frames catching a red gleam from the fire.
Hakkai had laughed rather breathily and had taken his fingers away. The flames crackled over wood and something in the fire popped, oozing resin that hissed and fizzled in the ensuing quiet.
Then Goku had jumped on his stomach, which had been a good thing, because it had given him something to think about that wasn't Hakkai.
He flopped back onto his pillows and pulled the blankets up under his chin. They were hairy and scratchy and tickled his face, just as if someone had their head tucked under his chin. The sound of Hakkai's breathing, a faint soft susurration, closed around Gojyo like a cloud, even though Hakkai was on the other side of the room.
Maybe I am as stupid as I look, he thought, feeling his hair slide over his bare shoulders. Red like apples, and maybe sunsets too. Not like blood. Not always like blood.
Gojyo stretched out his fingers, touching the cool of the bedclothes either side where his body hadn't warmed them. If he was more like a sunset and less like blood, did it mean that Hakkai needed him less? He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling stupid and lost. He remembered Hakkai telling him Gojyo was his penance.
If he was honest, it wasn't really like old times at all because back then he wouldn't be lying awake like an idiot, thinking of how his gaze had kept tripping over flashes of Hakkai's pale skin while they were undressing for bed; how these days his chest tightened up when Hakkai came too close; how he hadn't wanted him to take his fingers out of his hair and he really didn't give a shit what Sanzo thought.
He swallowed, not wanting to think these things because they'd lead him places he didn't want to go, not with Hakkai oblivious and sleeping a few feet away. It was like obsessively poking at a wound, the way he thought about how simple it would be to get up, walk over to where Hakkai was and get into bed with him. It wouldn't take very much effort at all. And then what? Gojyo felt like a man balancing on a cliff edge. If he wanted to throw himself off, it would only take one step and he'd either fly or fall crashing to the ground. Hakkai, next to him in bed, dark eyed and wanting him or Hakkai, politely surprised and distant. Maybe mildly amused.
He blinked into the darkness, his face hot. The inn was silent now, everyone must be in bed. Gojyo stared up into the rafters, even less tired than before, and listened to the rustle of Hakkai's bedclothes as he turned over in his sleep.
permetaform said Hakkai/Gojyo & coffee. I've been twiddling with this for a while - any feedback would be much appreciated.Title: Sleepless
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: G
Notes: mild spoilers for vol 5
It must be the caffeine. Gojyo lay staring into the shadows long after he should have been asleep. They made good coffee at this place and he didn't want to only have it once more, at breakfast. Hakkai had warned him it would keep him up all night-- a bit much coming from someone who drank gallons of the stuff.
It was like old times, sharing a room with Hakkai. They had talked idly and till quite late, Hakkai teasing out of him more than he ever wanted to say about anything, like always.
He looked across at the faint lump in the other bed, outlined by the glimmer of light that came under the door. Sounds from the inn drifted under too: the melancholy closing-time sounds he was so familiar with. It all meant the same thing: fun's over, go home, even if home meant a crappy, empty flat. He could hear the clank of the mop bucket and the scrape of chairs on floorboards as they were put back in order. The sharp chink of glass on glass. They gave him an immediate, painful urge to be far away from this quiet room and instead to be enjoying himself somewhere noisy and hot, with someone noisy and hot. He could be doing that instead of tagging along as part of Sanzo's travelling freak show. Sudden and violent anger hit him and he sat up, throwing off the blankets, his heart pitter-pattering behind his ribs. He hadn't asked for any of this. He could just get up, walk out and disappear. It would be so easy.
'Shit,' he whispered into his hands, rubbing at his eyes. Was he seriously thinking of running away to get laid? The thrill of a pointless, mindless fuck, so bright and appealing a few seconds ago, dwindled away until it was nothing. Grow up, he thought, then laughed a little-- the words came in Sanzo's voice, even down to his exact scornful intonation. Gojyo could even conjure up the look that went with it, the one that said: you're so stupid I might just have to kill you.
Last night they'd camped. The sunsets were awesome in the desert; the sky seemed bigger out there, somehow. Even Sanzo had admitted, somewhat pissily, that the huge red and gold streamers on the horizon were very beautiful that evening. Hakkai had been sitting next to him, cross-legged on the ground, looking up. Below them the valley spread out and he could see the dirt road stretching away into the purple dusk. The prickly bushes bore yellow flowers that smelled sweet in the warm night air. Hakkai took a strand of Gojyo's hair between his fingers and held it up in front of his eyes.
'I do believe the sky matches you exactly tonight,' Hakkai said, turning his head a little to smile into Gojyo's eyes.
Then he'd stroked the lock of hair carefully back into place and Gojyo had to put his cup down to hide his shaking hands.
'I don't know why you're bothering trying to keep his ridiculous mop tidy,' Sanzo had said, giving them a long look over his spectacles, the metal frames catching a red gleam from the fire.
Hakkai had laughed rather breathily and had taken his fingers away. The flames crackled over wood and something in the fire popped, oozing resin that hissed and fizzled in the ensuing quiet.
Then Goku had jumped on his stomach, which had been a good thing, because it had given him something to think about that wasn't Hakkai.
He flopped back onto his pillows and pulled the blankets up under his chin. They were hairy and scratchy and tickled his face, just as if someone had their head tucked under his chin. The sound of Hakkai's breathing, a faint soft susurration, closed around Gojyo like a cloud, even though Hakkai was on the other side of the room.
Maybe I am as stupid as I look, he thought, feeling his hair slide over his bare shoulders. Red like apples, and maybe sunsets too. Not like blood. Not always like blood.
Gojyo stretched out his fingers, touching the cool of the bedclothes either side where his body hadn't warmed them. If he was more like a sunset and less like blood, did it mean that Hakkai needed him less? He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling stupid and lost. He remembered Hakkai telling him Gojyo was his penance.
If he was honest, it wasn't really like old times at all because back then he wouldn't be lying awake like an idiot, thinking of how his gaze had kept tripping over flashes of Hakkai's pale skin while they were undressing for bed; how these days his chest tightened up when Hakkai came too close; how he hadn't wanted him to take his fingers out of his hair and he really didn't give a shit what Sanzo thought.
He swallowed, not wanting to think these things because they'd lead him places he didn't want to go, not with Hakkai oblivious and sleeping a few feet away. It was like obsessively poking at a wound, the way he thought about how simple it would be to get up, walk over to where Hakkai was and get into bed with him. It wouldn't take very much effort at all. And then what? Gojyo felt like a man balancing on a cliff edge. If he wanted to throw himself off, it would only take one step and he'd either fly or fall crashing to the ground. Hakkai, next to him in bed, dark eyed and wanting him or Hakkai, politely surprised and distant. Maybe mildly amused.
He blinked into the darkness, his face hot. The inn was silent now, everyone must be in bed. Gojyo stared up into the rafters, even less tired than before, and listened to the rustle of Hakkai's bedclothes as he turned over in his sleep.
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 09:40 am (UTC)I love the tension you build between the two, the way neither seems quite courageous enough to come right out and say it, to commit themselves and risk rejection. They're both too hurt by previous losses to risk another one (at least that's how I interpreted it).
Also, oddly sweet, in that slightly forlorn and lonely "lost child" way that Gojyo does so well in the hands of a good author.
But poor Gojyo... dare I hope there will be a sequel?
no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 12:57 pm (UTC)Anyway, yes I was considering writing a second part from Hakkai's point of view, set slightly later.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-12 03:08 pm (UTC)Oh, yes. Vol. 5, for me, was just killer-- he's so lost, there, so desperate for something to hold onto. So now he's finally got something and...oh. Damn.
Uh, yes. I loved this too. In case you couldn't tell! OMG I am so behind on LJ...
no subject
Date: 2004-11-13 03:10 am (UTC)I'm very very happy that you liked this!
no subject
Date: 2004-11-14 06:20 pm (UTC)Oh, I'm glad!
no subject
Date: 2004-11-13 03:05 am (UTC)This! It! ::flails:: the details of a closing inn, the details of the sunset and Hakkai's hand in his hair and how...it was like, things stopped and held it's breath and Gojyo's hyperaware of the fire because everything is sensitized and he's just...concentrating 'cause it's like a way to deal and to remember and to forget all simutaneously and them undressing for bed, his eyes skipping, the terror and panic of being in love, all these details just slay me.
God, I'm so glad you wrote this, you rock. ::GLOMPS::
no subject
Date: 2004-11-13 03:50 am (UTC)And-- I'm so glad you like it! It's all your fault anyway - you pimped this fandom so well I couldn't help but be sucked in *g*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-13 06:31 am (UTC)so. much. yes to this, like, SO MUCH.
::hugs:: and I'm estatic that my pimping worked =D, you make my heart happy in the best of ways.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 01:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-01 01:25 pm (UTC)