Good Omens It-preg!

[louiselux]

For lovelyzelda's last line meme. She was pondering on the likelihood of certain Beings getting pregnant through shaking hands. Well, who amongst us here can honestly say they haven't pondered the same question?

Fandom: Good Omens
Handshakers: Crowley/Aziraphale
Rating: scary

***

"Impossible!" Aziraphale gasped, unconsciously wiping his hand on the front of his coat as he stared at Crowley.

"Not really," Crowley said, looking grim.

"A joke then?" Aziraphale plucked the rolled parchment from him, being very careful not to brush fingers.

"Uphir doesn't think so. He's six months gone."

Aziraphale looked up, eyes wide. "Really? Who's the... the other parent?"

Crowley snorted. "Zepar. He says they only shook hands for a second, at a departmental planning meeting."

There was a pregnant silence as Aziraphale scanned Hell's new directive discouraging employee fraternisation.

Crowley shuffled and stuck his hands deep in his pockets, seeming to find the view from the shop window one of intense interest. Aziraphale tapped a finger rapidly on the table, as if thinking.

"You shook my hand last week," he said, in measured tones. "But you didn't know about this then, did you?" He sounded very reasonable.

Crowley scratched an eyebrow. "Well, you see... "

Aziraphale shot up, making Crowley jump. "You knew!"

Backing away seemed a good idea. So did speaking very quickly: "Look, it was a mistake, honestly! Just give it nine months - you'll make a wonderful mother."

"I don't think you'll live that long, dear."

Comments

[toscas-kiss.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha!

Rereads: "I don't think you'll live that long, dear."

[returns to laughing hysterically]

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks.

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee!

Aziraphale should sue him for child support!

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

...and force him to be his birth-partner, knowing perfectly well that Crowley would get all protective when he saw the... whatever it would be that angels give birth to.

[derien.livejournal.com]

whatever it would be that angels give birth to.


Probably eggs. And then it's another year before they get a little cherub from it.

This is way cute. :) Did you happen to see the Futurama with a similar premise?

[cygny.livejournal.com]

Teehee! Naughty naughty Crowley :D

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Yeah - he's bad all right, with his unprotected handshaking!

[switchknife.livejournal.com]

*snortgiggles*

Oh, dear. I bet Crowley's just trying to convince Aziraphale to have intercourse. 'Look, if we've already shaken hands...'

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Hahaha!

The question is, should we consider altering our romance tropes to take into account handshaking? First a firm handshake, then working up to kissing, oral and finally penetrative sex.

Well, maybe for GO fandom:D:D

[noirenails.livejournal.com]

*eeevil grin* I love it.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so glad you like it!

[dreya-uberwald.livejournal.com]

*has fit of insane giggling*

Utter genius (of the evil variety of course). Found this ficlet through noirenail's recs list. Just wish I hadn't read it whilst whole family were in room, as am receiving very strange looks.

There was a pregnant silence as Aziraphale scanned Hell's new directive discouraging employee fraternisation.

Am now having visions of the infernal powers-that-be handing out demonic public information pamphlets on the importance of wearing gloves - with detailed diagrams of how to put them on - if one really must insist on casual hand shaking.