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louiseluxTitle: The Curse
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Hakkai/Gojyo
Warnings: explict het and m/m, genderswap
Notes: thank you so much to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
emungere for betaing this and for new_kate for cheering me on. I can't remember when this fic started life, except someone said to me 'girl Hakkai' at some point some time ago and things developed from there. It seems to have taken many months to write and then more time for us to sit and look at each other. I very much hope you enjoy it. Any feedback and comments are warmly welcomed.
Summary: Hakkai is hit with a spell and turns into a woman. Things soon get complicated.
Gojyo knew he should've never trusted that fortune teller. They were all evil, even the ones without creepy little dolls that shot apple pips or whatever into your goddamn skin. He sat on the edge of his unmade bed, bare feet planted on the floor for support.
"How did it happen?" Goku was saying, peering right in Hakkai's face. "How? I mean, how?"
"I really don't know," Hakkai said.
He flicked his hair from his eyes and reached out for Hakuryuu, who fluttered his wings and backed away.
"You can't just wake up as a lady," Goku said
"Well, yes I can, it seems."
Goku peered at him worriedly, as if concentrating might turn Hakkai back. "What's it feel like?"
"Shut up, Goku. What happened yesterday?" Sanzo said, lighting his fourth cigarette since he'd stalked in. He rolled his eyes and slumped on Gojyo's bed. "Something must've caused this."
"Nothing that I can remember," said Hakkai, looking over at Gojyo with wide worried eyes. He had the sheets pulled up to his chest. Over his breasts. Which Gojyo wasn't even noticing.
"Um," said Gojyo.
They turned to look at him.
"I might've known," said Sanzo.
"Gojyo," Hakkai said, in his new voice. It was almost like his old one, except just a little lighter. "What happened?"
"There was this old wrinkly lady. I didn't know she was gonna steal your dick."
Hakkai pulled the sheets closer to his chest. "Gojyo!"
"Ah. Sorry. Um. Sorry."
Goku was staring, open mouthed.
"What exactly did she say, moron?" Sanzo said.
"She read my palm for free, said I was cute and that I had an exciting life ahead of me."
"It'll be exciting when I kill you."
"I didn't know she was evil! She said some crap about unexpected changes, shit like that."
Hakkai clutched at the sheet more tightly. His knuckles were white. "Well, one thing has certainly changed."
"Heh. Yeah." He bit his tongue. Really, it must be beyond freaky. "Um, I mean. Sorry."
***
Gojyo studied him as they drove. Hakkai as a girl wasn't that much different to Hakkai as a guy. His shoulders and hands were smaller and more delicate, and he was swamped in his shirt. His jaw and neck were softly curved. His trousers were rolled up and his boots were too big. He had breasts. You could hardly tell they were there under his huge shirt. Not that different.
They couldn't find the fortune-telling old bag anywhere, even though they made Gojyo ask everyone they passed on the road.
"She might be in the next town over," some guy said, when they stopped. "People like that, they move around a lot. Do you need directions, miss?"
It took him a second to work out who this loser was talking to. He wasn't looking at Gojyo anymore. Then Gojyo turned and saw that Hakkai was smiling back. Something weird happened in Gojyo's brain then. Men, he thought. No. Not men. Hakkai wouldn't. Seriously, no.
"Hey, back off, scumbag."
"I-- I beg your pardon?"
"Quit mackin' all over hi-- her. Guys like you make me sick."
The man backed off, mumbling an apology.
"Gojyo…" Hakkai paused, as if deciding how to explain how dumb Gojyo was. "Don't you think that was an overreaction?"
"It was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," Sanzo muttered.
"You're always lechin' on girls," Goku said. "It's hypocritical."
"No," Gojyo said. "Wait. Because, you know, men-- "
"Oh, I do know men, Gojyo. I know them very well. I can look after myself in that regard." Hakkai fixed him with a painfully sharp stare. "Have you got any further points to make about them?"
"No," Gojyo said, except he really did, mostly that Hakkai shouldn't even contemplate, well, anything.
***
"I need the card, please," Hakkai said, when they arrived in the next town. He looked tired and pale and had fallen ominously silent during the long drive.
"Why?" Sanzo said.
"Shopping," Hakkai said, sounding a lot more terse than usual.
Sanzo handed the card over, with an uncomfortable glance in Hakkai's direction. Gojyo waited for Hakkai to ask him to come along, but he didn't.
"See you later," he said to Hakkai's back, and Hakkai only nodded.
"He's different," said Goku. "D'you think he's okay?"
"Would you be okay if you'd just swapped your dick for a pussy?" Gojyo said. Goku stared at him. "On second thoughts, don't answer that."
He was well into his third beer, slumped at the bar, when Hakkai came back. Gojyo sat up and almost knocked over his glass, fumbling it upright at the last second.
"Hakkai. You look-- different."
"Hello, Gojyo. Is everything all right?"
"Yeah," he said. He watched Hakkai's expectant, faintly anxious, expression carefully, feeling like he was on weirdly familiar ground. "Um. Have you done something to your hair?" he said, finally. "It looks good."
Hakkai smiled at him, looking kind of grateful. "Oh, I just got it neatened up."
Okay, Gojyo knew how to do this. Women liked to be told they looked nice. Except Hakkai wasn't a woman. And yet he was. Gojyo's eyes ached from the effort of not looking at Hakkai's chest. "That sweater's nice too."
"Thanks. They were having a sale so I got two."
"Good idea. You look real-- good."
Their gazes met and Gojyo struggled with an instinct to flirt and smile and say more nice things. He shouldn't, absolutely not at all, because this was Hakkai, even if Hakkai was looking like some out-of-his-league hot chick. He had some sort of glossy lip stuff on, Gojyo noticed, and he smelled good. She. He. Fuck it. Hakkai was smiling up at him, but there was something unsure in his gaze.
"Thank you, Gojyo."
"Um. Sanzo and Goku are upstairs. Do you want a drink?"
"I'd better go up and check on them," Hakkai said.
"Oh, okay."
Something like panic settled in Gojyo's chest as he watched Hakkai walk away. Hakkai had bought himself a nice green sweater in some soft looking wool and a dark swishy skirt that clung to his hips and his thighs, and shoes with little heels that made his ankles look all slim and his legs long, and make up. And pretty hair. He was also carrying several shopping bags of women-type items from the look of the things he could see, if he craned his neck just so. Pink soap and things that looked like underwear. And— tampons.
Crap.
It explained at least some of the steely looks. He cursed that old hag, wherever she was.
***
Of course Hakkai got his own room. He needed it now, he'd said, not meeting Gojyo's eyes.
Gojyo ended up rolled up on a pancake-thin futon on the floor in Sanzo and Goku's room, trying not to wonder if it meant Hakkai didn't trust him or something. It was probably just because of the woman stuff. That must be freaky, bleeding like that for days and days. No way to stop it at all.
He rolled over on his side and stared at the wall for a long time, then got up and silently crept out of the door and along to Hakkai's room, where he paused, then knocked. There was no reply. He waited, until it was getting stupid to wait any longer, and then the door opened a crack. Hakkai peeped out. He didn't look exactly surprised to see Gojyo.
"Gojyo? What is it?
"Did I wake you up?"
"No."
Gojyo leaned in, resting his arm along the door frame. "I'm sorry, man." Hakkai gave a wry smile. "Uh. You know. Not man."
"For waking me up?" Hakkai said.
"No, you know what. For the chick thing." He paused. "I know you're on the rag an' everything."
It was light enough to just tell that Hakkai scowled. "You said it wasn't your fault."
"Well… "
"Gojyo."
"The old lady said—I asked her if I was gonna meet a beautiful woman anytime soon, and she got a funny look on her face and said yeah, and then she laughed a lot. I just thought she was nuts."
Hakkai was watching him, and now his expression was utterly unreadable. "And did you meet one?" he said.
Gojyo swallowed. "Yeah," he said.
Hakkai gazed at him for a moment longer. The boards under Gojyo's bare feet creaked, and Gojyo realised he was only wearing his underwear. He saw Hakkai's gaze travel briefly to his bare chest, then back up again. He looked faintly amused, but only faintly.
"Goodnight, Gojyo," he said, and shut the door gently but decisively in Gojyo's face.
***
Hakkai came down to the dining room in the morning, neatly dressed in his new girl clothes, hair brushed back, smiling. He downed two pink-coloured painkillers, drank a cup of coffee, ate an unaccustomed large bowl of sugary breakfast cereal and announced himself fit and ready to drive.
No one else had said a word, and Goku was looking at him in something like awe.
"You make a great lady, Hakkai," he said.
"It certainly feels different," Hakkai said, brightly. "All over."
Goku opened his mouth again, but Sanzo elbowed him hard, so that he yelped.
"Let's get out of here," Sanzo grumped. "We've still got to clear up Gojyo's mess."
"It's not my fault," Gojyo said, trailing after them, but he couldn't find any heat to put behind it. He watched Hakkai heave his now bulging bag into Jeep and kept getting his gaze stuck on Hakkai's smaller shoulders and the curve of his waist.
"So," Hakkai said, when they were under way. "We should think about how we're going to solve this little problem."
"There's a temple along this road. The innkeeper said we might get some information there on the old woman," Sanzo said.
"It sounds like the best bet, certainly," said Hakkai. "Sometimes a girl needs some priestly intervention."
"Don't say things like that," Sanzo said, and there was a slight cringing set to his shoulders.
"Please don't tell me what I can and can't say." He laughed, and it wasn't all that nice a sound.
They drove for an hour in a tense silence until a bunch of youkai tumbled into the road ahead and spread out in a sort of lame-ass V shape. They had axes and crowbars and knives. Hakkai pulled up.
"Uh. Hakkai, maybe you'd better stay back in Jeep," Gojyo said. "They look kinda dangerous."
"I beg your pardon?" Hakkai said, turning round fully in his seat.
Sanzo sighed and shook his head. Goku was watching Gojyo's face warily as if Gojyo were some kind of crazy person.
"That's still Hakkai, even with boobies," Goku said, slowly.
"Hey, looooosers," the youkai called. "We're gonna chop you into dog food. And then we're gonna EAT you."
"Naw, hey, we don't eat dog food," another one said, plaintively.
"Please keep it down," Hakkai called, in a high and penetrating voice. "We'll be with you in a moment." He turned back to Gojyo. "I'm a woman, not an invalid."
"I know that," Gojyo said. "I'm not dumb."
"The moron's got a point. Hakkai, will your qi work as effectively now?" Sanzo said. "It's probably been affected by the-- change."
Hakkai's mouth tightened up and he turned back to face the front, his shoulders set in a tense line. "I'm sure it's fine," he said.
Sanzo's mouth pinched up. "How sure?"
There was a long silence. The youkai shuffled their feet. "Actually, I do have a terrible stomach ache," Hakkai added, in a small voice. "Perhaps I shouldn't bother fighting today."
Sanzo sighed. "Gojyo, Goku, sort those idiots out," he said, as stony faced as he'd ever been.
"Right."
It was a relief to launch himself out of the car, Goku at his side just as eager, and plough through the crazies. These particular ones had blood on their jaws and teeth, and Gojyo's stomach turned before he sliced them up. Goku knocked one up right into a tree, where he dangled for a moment, then plummeted. More youkai ran out from under the trees, screaming, and yet more behind them.
"They're not stopping," Goku said, sounding puzzled. "This sucks."
Bullets whined past their ears. Sanzo was out of the car now, stalking about and shooting things, looking as mad as a priest with a stick up his ass.
"I have to find a public convenience soon," Hakkai called, from Jeep. "When you're ready."
"Can't you go in a bush?" Sanzo said, shooting someone in the head.
"No," Hakkai called. "I can't."
"Dammit," Gojyo swore, flinging his blade out wide. "Just fuck off," he said, and kicked a youkai in the stomach. "Now. We're busy, assfaces."
Sanzo's reply was inaudible, because just then something hit the side of Gojyo's head, sharp and shockingly hard. Black spots swirled into the sides of his vision like flies and he felt hands on him, pulling him down and dragging him along.
"Useless," Sanzo said.
"Get off him, scumbags," Goku said.
The hands let go, and Gojyo slumped face down in the dust. It stuck to his nose and his lips. He watched an ant running past his nose. It raised its front legs as if it was really pissed off, and Gojyo had to admire its guts. Someone stumbled over his shin, and he groaned, cold nausea washing down through his body, taking his sight with it. A white light crackled in his ears and then vanished with an echoing pop, and then Hakkai's voice. It was the last thing he heard.
He woke up lying in the back of Jeep, with his face close to Hakkai's breasts. Hakkai was smoothing his hair back from his forehead. The look of worry on his face—and the breast thing-- was almost worth the gut clenching throb of pain behind one eye.
"Wha?" he said.
"You got hit with a rock."
"Why the glum face?" he said, as the world span around him. "'S' just one more lump."
"I can't heal it," Hakkai said.
"Cos of the chick parts?" he managed to say, after the third attempt. Things were swimming.
"I don't want to risk-- anything," Hakkai said, his brows knitting together. "Sanzo is quite right. It is interfering with the flow of my qi." He took his hand away and clenched his fists in his lap. Gojyo wanted them to come back. "I suppose because technically I'm a different person."
"Don't worry," Gojyo said. "We'll get you fixed up back to normal."
Gojyo was a bit surprised at the way Hakkai's eyes suddenly went really shiny. He turned his face away for a moment, then looked back at Gojyo and let out a breath.
"You should worry about yourself," he said. "You're going to need stitches in this."
Gojyo propped himself on one elbow, fighting the nausea. Goku was dragging the bodies into a pile and Sanzo was standing smoking, not looking their way.
"That was some fight," Gojyo said.
Hakkai sat back, perched on the edge of the seat next to Gojyo's legs. The warm curve of Hakkai's thigh pressed against his.
"Do you think it was entirely natural?"
"Is any of this stuff natural?" Gojyo said, slumping back down.
"Aha. No," Hakkai said, then he bit his lower lip and lowered his lashes. "But there seemed to be an awful lot of them, targeted just at the right time to take advantage of my-- weakness."
"It's not a weakness," Gojyo said, and then darkness swam up again and he passed out.
He woke up to total darkness and for a second thought he'd gone blind. He sat up with a jerk, straining his eyes and listening. Quiet room, no sounds from a street or bar, two sets of breathing, one slow and steady, one of them faintly snoring; Sanzo and Goku. A dim strip of light showed where the door was. His mouth was as dry as a desert and he could still taste dust and grit, along with the monkey's armpit effect of sleep.
He rolled off his mattress and stood, wobbling a little, waiting for his night vision to adjust. Someone had taken his shirt off and left him in his jeans. He fumbled in the dark, found his cigarettes and a jug of water. Hakkai and Jeep weren't in here. The water tasted coppery, or maybe that was something to do with his mouth, and his head ached dully at the side, the broken skin smarting.
"Damn it," he muttered, and touched the wound, running his fingertips over rough stitches. He needed a smoke, or a beer, or something. He shuffled into the deserted hall, his feet scuffing on the dusty boards, and then stopped. Faint sounds were coming from a door down the corridor, like someone crying and not wanting to be heard. It was a woman, by the sound of it. A familiar voice.
Okay, he could go for a smoke and let Hakkai get on with whatever, or he could go and check it out. He snorted at himself, because he knew his own weaknesses like he knew the shape of his own hands. His feet were moving even before he properly thought about it.
He'd heard Hakkai cry once before, in a lower timbre, must've been a year to the day he'd first ever brought Hakkai home. A guy had to cry sometimes, Gojyo knew that now. At the time he'd hung around awkwardly for a few hours, then'd gone out to get drunk when it hadn't stopped. Women cried more, too, in his experience. So it was natural Hakkai would let it out.
He stood at the door for a full five minutes, staring at the door knob, just listening. It hurt, and he realised after a little while that he was glad about that.
"You can come in," Hakkai said, finally, his voice sounding thick and muffled.
The room was lit with a single lamp, and Hakkai was kneeling on the floor next to the bed, dressed in an old t-shirt that swamped him, his hands clenched in fists on his bare knees. There was something on the floor in front of him. It was gory and red and mangled.
"What the hell is that?" Gojyo said, coming over to stare.
"It's a rat," Hakkai said, and his effort at a light tone was painful.
"What, did you take out your bad day on it?" Gojyo said, squatting down to poke at it. Its guts seemed to be on the outside.
Hakkai hung his head. "I was trying to heal it."
The rat had tiny black bulging eyes. "And you turned it inside out instead?"
Hakkai only nodded. There was a drop of water dangling from his nose. Gojyo shifted to a more comfortable position. His head was throbbing. "So, I guess I'm lucky you didn't try it on me first?"
"Lucky, yes," Hakkai said, and covered his eyes.
There were boundaries, Gojyo thought, when your best guy friend was crying. They weren't quite the same when he was a girl, looking almost frail and sobbing into her hands, quietly, but so that her body shook.
"Hey," Gojyo said. He swallowed, dipping his head to try and see Hakkai's face. "Hey, it's okay."
Hakkai shook his head and Gojyo put a hand on his shoulder, then touched his neck and his cheek, then put both arms round him and held him. Gojyo's heart was beating fast. This might be the most confusing thing that had ever happened to him--or Hakkai-- and that was saying a lot.
Hakkai leaned against him, a light weight, hiding his face in Gojyo's neck, where Gojyo could feel wetness and gusts of hot breath.
"This is ridiculous," Hakkai said, after a moment, and then he sighed and pressed his face in deeper.
Gojyo tightened his arms. "No, it ain't," he said, and pressed his cheek against Hakkai's hair, feeling the faint edges of his youkai power in the air around them. It didn't feel any different to Gojyo, but then Gojyo wasn't very sensitive to stuff like that. "It's okay. I'll fix this."
Hakkai shuddered against him and fresh wet tears hit Gojyo's skin. They smelled good, Gojyo thought, his heart still thumping. Salty and familiar. He probably wasn't thinking right. It'd been a long time since he'd tried to comfort a weeping woman, maybe a couple of years, and before that... His mama never wanted to be comforted anyway. He ran his hands over Hakkai's shoulders, feeling the soft warm weight of Hakkai's breasts pressing against him.
It'd be so damn good to touch them.
He froze, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He shifted his thoughts to the rat, because he wasn't gonna do something tasteless and get a hard on. Maybe Hakkai picked something up, because he pulled away and scrubbed at his eyes. Gojyo cleared his throat and sat back too.
"Let's get rid of the rat," he said, and got to his feet.
"That would be sensible," Hakkai said, in dull tones.
Gojyo found some sheets of old newspaper and got the rat all wrapped up, then he took it down to the back door and dumped it outside with the other rubbish. When he got back, Hakkai was sitting on the bed. Apart from his red eyes and nose, he looked almost himself. Herself. He looked up as Gojyo entered, and his expression was unreadable.
"How you feeling?" Gojyo said, not knowing what to do with himself. He stood in the middle of the room, feeling like a spare dick at a wedding.
"I don't mean to be overdramatic," Hakkai said. "But I'm starting to feel like a completely different person."
"Aw, shit."
"Yes."
"Can I do anything to help?"
Hakkai sighed and closed his eyes. He shuffled back further onto the bed and pulled the blankets up over his legs. His head was bowed. "I don't want to be alone."
So, Hakkai asked a lot of Gojyo, sometimes. It really was not anything new. He got into bed, and they lay down, arranging pillows and blankets in a small familiar flurry of activity that Gojyo found comforting. This was still Hakkai after all. They'd shared before, although not ever for any reason other than space.
"You need to go to the bathroom?" Gojyo said, his hand on the light. Hakkai had turned away, pushing his face down into the lumpy pillow, and all that was visible was his dark hair and the sharp angle of his cheekbone.
"No, I'm fine," Hakkai said. He looked over his shoulder for a moment. "How's your head? I'm sorry, I forgot."
"Yeah well, you've got bigger problems."
He switched off the light and lay down, looking up at the shimmer of moonlight on the cracked ceiling. Hakkai felt too small next to him; it threw him, over and over. After about ten minutes of no sleep, Hakkai sighed and turned on his back too.
"What's it like?" Gojyo said, softly, in case Hakkai didn't want to answer.
"It's as if someone threw a switch in my brain and now everything is dissatisfying and irritating," Hakkai said, and Gojyo wanted to ask if that was really much different to his normal state. He kept his lip buttoned. "Also, the physical side of menstruating is messy and painful."
"I kinda guessed that."
Hakkai was silent for a moment, then turned his head. Gojyo knew because he could feel Hakkai's breath on his neck. "When I look in the mirror, I see her."
He knew who Hakkai meant; it'd crossed his mind too, looking at Hakkai's sweet girl's face. Just like Hakkai, except everything softened and refined into a woman's face.
"This sucks," Gojyo said and Hakkai made a wordless, helpless, sound of agreement, like he might lose it again.
Gojyo thought about it for a few seconds before he actually did it, but fuck it, Hakkai was his friend, guy or girl.
"Come here," he said, softly, and turned and opened his arms.
Hakkai moved into them and curled against him, slight and warm. Gojyo tightened his arms and listened to Hakkai's breathing get slow and even, and wondered how he'd ever sleep himself. He pressed his nose to Hakkai's hair and stroked his skull, and didn't even notice when he drifted off.
He woke up hours later with a bitch of a headache and to the sight of Hakkai padding back across the room towards the bed, a small wash-bag clutched in his hand. He still looked horribly pale. Gojyo closed his eyes when the bed dipped again. Hakkai curled up close to him and sighed very softly.
"I'd like a day off, frankly," he murmured.
Gojyo opened one eye and saw Hakkai, watching him across the pillow. It was hard to keep thinking of him as a guy, especially this close. He knew Hakkai was a pretty man, beautiful really. It had became more obvious now he was a girl.
"Sanzo'll whip your ass," he said, his voice croaky with sleep. "We've got to get you fixed, anyhow."
"Fixed, yes."
"Don't make it sound so bad. Do you wanna be dickless the rest of your life?"
Hakkai's smile, even the rueful one, was always better than seeing his downturned mouth. "You always put things into perspective," he said.
"Yeah, it's gotta be hard. Your head's all messed up with hormones," Gojyo said. "Ain't it?"
"It's not just hormones," Hakkai said, his brows coming together. "This is an extremely trying time."
"Well, yeah, but..."
Hakkai sighed and turned over, pulling the covers up around his ears so that he was mostly hidden. "Oh, never mind. Go back to sleep."
He didn't think he would, but he did, until Goku shook him awake. The light was bright, like it was midday, which was weird.
"Sanzo says you'd better get your ass downstairs. You better not've done anything perverted to Hakkai," Goku said. He paused. "You didn't, did you?"
"No, I did not do anything perverted!"
Goku subsided and sat on the bed and chewed a hangnail. He watched him get dressed. "It's weird. He looks different, and that's scary, but he hasn't actually changed that much. He still made me wash my hair this morning, and he made sure Sanzo had the right coffee and stuff. I thought he'd be more-- " Goku stopped.
"More what?"
"I don't know." He'd got that look on his face when he was having a thought, like he was all surprised that the world could even be that way. It was probably because of growing up in a cave. "I don't know any girls."
"You mean Sanzo didn't have secret hot chick monks at the monastery?"
"Dumb ass. I mean, he's not like how I thought a girl would be. What do you think?"
Gojyo washed his face at the small sink and got his shaving kit out. "Hakkai's been brought up nice. He's not—He's not gonna be like any girl I ever knew. And he's been a guy all his life."
"Hmm, yeah."
Goku waited while Gojyo dried off and put his socks and boots on, watching with a deep and pondering expression.
"Where the crap are we anyway?" Gojyo said, clomping down the narrow wooden stairs.
They were hardly the width of his shoulders. The sweet smell of incense wafted up. At the bottom they spilled out into a neat white-walled corridor with big windows that showed a sunny garden. Birds twittered enthusiastically in the neatly clipped bushes, and, in the distance, brown-robed monks could be seen digging about with rakes and hoes.
"It's that monastery. Hakkai made us come here when you were bleedin' everywhere, said you had to get proper medical attention."
"Oh." Damn, a lack of beer and smokes just when he needed them most.
Goku led him through a small maze of corridors until they came to a wide open room filled with sunlight. It had long tables and benches and it looked like the refectory at the temple at Chang An, where Sanzo had fed them sometimes. Hakkai and Sanzo sat at one of them, both staring out of the window and silently sipping tea. No one else was about.
"Yo," he said, sitting down.
Hakkai smiled. "You're looking better, Gojyo."
"Hey, so are you."
Hakkai looked rosy and bright eyed. He nodded at the tea. "It's calming, a special mix they make at the temple. For women's times. Would you like to try some?"
He pushed the pot at Gojyo. "Hell, no," Gojyo said. "Coffee's fine. Hey, Sanzo, are you drinking that shit?"
"No," Sanzo said, which was a total lie, because Gojyo could see it in his cup.
A monk came in with a tray of food. It was actually lunchtime – they'd let him sleep late.
"It's an honour to serve such an illustrious member of our holy community," the monk said, bowing deeply to them all. Sanzo looked away, seemingly bored. Maybe the tea was working on him too.
"Soup, Miss, ah-- ?"
"Cho," Hakkai said.
"It's shrimp and cabbage, Miss Cho."
"Ooh, that sounds lovely," Hakkai said, looking up into his face with a smile. The monk looked temporarily dazzled.
"I hope you enjoy it," he mumbled.
The monk served the rest of them, perfectly polite and smiling. Gojyo had an urge to punch him.
"My name's Chao, if you need anything," he said.
"Cigarettes," Sanzo said, not looking over his shoulder.
"I'm sure Master can spare some," Chao said, after a short pause.
"Huh, looks like they're not so pure round here," Gojyo said, as Chao walked away.
"He was nice," said Hakkai. "Wasn't he?"
No one said anything, apart from Goku, who agreed. The food was good; savoury and hot. They ate in silence. Hakkai spooned soup methodically and slowly.
"Where's Jeep?" Gojyo said, finally.
"Asleep on my bed," Goku said.
"Did you take him up some food this morning?" Hakkai said. "And water?"
"I checked, he's fine," Goku said.
"Is he ill?" said Gojyo.
"Er." Goku went pink. "Not ill. We're guessing he's freaked out by Hakkai's, um, change."
"He just needs some time to get used to it," Hakkai said, sharply. He sighed and put his spoon down, staring into his bowl. He was wearing the nice sweater again. "So do I."
Gojyo looked over at Sanzo for a clue; he couldn't help it. "So, what's the plan?" he said. "We gotta have one, right?"
"We're seeing the head priest here later tonight. He's on his way back as we speak," Sanzo said. He nodded, puffing on his cigarette. He sounded almost comforting, his tone odd and awkward. "The monks are sure he'll have some idea of where to find this old crone."
"It might be as simple as an imbalance in energies," Hakkai said. "I could try and fix it myself."
"Yeah, and you could explode yourself up like the rat," Gojyo said.
"What rat?" Sanzo said, narrowing his eyes.
Hakkai opened his mouth to explain, but then Chao came running in, his colour high and flushed. He was bearing a long, gleaming sword.
"Youkai," he cried. "At the gates, Master Sanzo."
"I might've known," Sanzo said, hanging his head.
"Yay, a fight," Goku said, leaping up. "I really need one."
"Miss Cho, let me protect you with my life," Chao said very earnestly, dropping to one knee.
"Oh, great," Gojyo said. "That's totally overkill. We protect h--her—with our lives every day, it's nothing special."
"Um," Goku said, tapping Chao's shoulder. "Hakkai's not really a—Aughh." He blinked wide shocked eyes at Hakkai and rubbed at his shin.
"That would be lovely," Hakkai said, clutching at his tea cup. "I'm sure you—men can manage without me for once."
"Uh…Yeah," Gojyo said. "If you let anything happen to Miss Cho I'll slice your face off, okay?"
Chao stared. "You have my word," he said, and Hakkai nodded approvingly.
There were youkai at the gates, about fifty of them, all sporting bad fashion choices and, not long after, sliced up bodies, bullet holes and bruises. The temple monks fell back, looking pale and ill, eyes wide and looking at the three of them, especially Sanzo, in a new, far more terrified, light. So what was new?
"You know how Hakkai's a lady now?" Goku said, as they trekked off to the bathhouse to wash off the gore.
"Oh, is he? I hadn't noticed," Gojyo said.
"Don't be a moron," Sanzo muttered.
"Well," Goku went on. "Does that mean he could, you know, get pregnant?"
"If he does I'll shoot him," Sanzo said, stripping off his robe. A young boy came and took away their bloody clothing, staring in awe at the scars on their bodies. He left soap and towels and robes. They washed off under the taps and sat in the wooden bath, steaming. Gojyo stretched out his legs and wondered how Hakkai was getting on with Chao.
Male or female, Hakkai wasn't the sort of person who'd let anyone molest them, not unless Hakkai wanted something like that. To Gojyo's knowledge, he'd never shown the slightest sign of interest in sex with anyone, man or woman. Gojyo'd considered it sometimes, when drunk. He sighed and leaned back, letting hot water soak over his shoulders.
"So, he could have a baby?" Goku said. "In theory."
Sanzo had draped a flannel over his face and behind it he moaned. "Please don't."
"But he could, right?"
"Yeah," Gojyo said, because it was clear the monkey wasn't going to let it go. "He could. She could, I mean."
"She, hehe," Goku said. "That's so weird. Anyway, why are you so sure?"
"She's got the painters in," Gojyo said.
"Uh, what?"
"Surfing the crimson tide. You know, the curse. Time of the month."
"…What?"
"Menstruating," Sanzo said. "I'm fairly certain Hakkai gave you that particular biology lesson."
"Oh," said Goku and his eyes went big and round. "Oh. Poor Hakkai."
"Yeah, so don't go makin' him mad or nothin'," Gojyo said.
"Or we'll all have to pay," Sanzo said, from behind his wash cloth.
"Women are so strange," Goku said, almost reverently.
"Yeah," Gojyo said.
Sanzo just stayed quiet, because how the hell would he know? Gojyo smiled and didn't make any comment; Sanzo was near enough to lash out.
"So anyway, the spell, whatever, seems to include a set of fully working and primed lady parts," Gojyo said, flicking water at Goku's face with his toe.
"Hmm," Sanzo, said, dragging the cloth off his face. He'd gone bright pink and his hair was sticking to his face. "Seems a bit convenient, doesn't it?"
"That he's on the blob straight away?"
"Yes," Sanzo said, sitting up and reaching over the edge of the bath for his cigarettes. "Little bit too convenient if you ask me. In theory, it would need 28 days for Hakkai's new body to begin menstruating."
"Huh, you know that," Gojyo said, blinking.
"Don't sound so surprised! Idiot. You mentioned the curse. For once, I think you've said something fairly intelligent. By accident, obviously."
"What? Hey!"
"The spell's a curse," Sanzo said. "It's not a true physical transformation. It's not benign."
"It's not?" Gojyo said.
"No. It's someone's idea of revenge, and on men, at a guess."
"But why would anyone curse Hakkai?" Goku said. "He's not a bad person."
"I don't know," Sanzo said.
"That's some random revenge," Gojyo said. "So, what do we do?"
"Let's wait for the temple master to turn up. He might have some clues."
"Can't you just fix it?" Goku said.
Sanzo gazed down into the water. "Perhaps if I had both sutras, yes."
They dried off and dressed and were shown to a shady spot in the garden with wooden benches and small bubbling pools of clear water, where a young monk with a reedy, half-broken voice suggested that they might like to meditate. Goku asked for a plate of spring rolls to help him.
"When's your master back?" Sanzo said.
"I'm very sorry," the monk said, bowing so low his nose almost scraped the floor. "He sent news that he'll be delayed."
"How long for?"
"Another night."
"Damn it," Sanzo said.
In the distance, Hakkai could be seen walking along the winding garden pathways with that bastard Chao. Chao was picking things from plants and gesticulating, the moron, and Hakkai was smiling at him.
"What are they doing?" Gojyo said.
"Master Chao is very knowledgeable when it comes to herbs and plant lore," the monk said, obviously in the throes of a mancrush. "Miss Cho has a quick mind and appears to be learning much from him."
"Just fetch the food. And beer too," Sanzo snapped.
"She does look happy," Goku said, thoughtfully, gazing at them. "What if Hakkai likes being a woman?"
"Don't be an idiot," Sanzo said, but they sat and watched her and avoided each other's eyes.
When Hakkai approached them, with an armful of deep red, sweet-scented flowers, they gazed up silently.
"I picked us some flowers," she said. "Also some herbs, as I plan to improve the tisane to ease menstrual cramps."
"The big cheese's delayed another day," Gojyo said. "So we'll have to hang around."
Sanzo opened his mouth, but somehow nothing came out and he shut it again. Gojyo couldn't blame him. Hakkai had a slight sunburn on her nose and a purple flower tucked behind her ear. She smiled down at them.
"Oh, that's a shame. Still, it's very pleasant here. It won't hurt to remain for another day. Or two. Perhaps we should stay the week. I've been thinking we need a holiday."
"Uh."
"I'll see you later. Chao is going to show me the waterfalls. They have an interesting geological formation."
"I'll just bet they do," Gojyo muttered.
"I'm sorry?"
It was hard to act like a dick when Hakkai looked so happy. He sighed. "Hey, have a good time."
"Thank you, Gojyo." She gazed down at Gojyo with a beautiful bright smile.
"Dammit," Sanzo muttered, as she walked away. "This is getting bad."
"I think it's nice," Goku said. "It's like he's really a woman."
"Shut up, Monkey."
They played mahjong that night, on a long table that held a vase of the red flowers. Hakkai sat next to him and from time to time their knees bumped under the table. Maybe it was by accident. He couldn't count the number of times he and Hakkai must've accidentally knocked or bumped each other, but it hadn't made him feel the way he did now. It was a like a physical tug, a mute reaction that he didn't know what to do with. He could feel the warmth of Hakkai's body radiating against him. He wondered blindly if Hakkai could sense it too. Instead of wondering too hard, which was pointless anyhow. he took Hakkai's cup.
"More wine?" he said.
"Ooh, yes please," Hakkai said, looking ridiculously pleased as Gojyo poured it out. "That's very kind of you, Gojyo."
He watched Hakkai drink the wine in one long swallow, and then Hakkai begin to play some ridiculous clapping game with Goku over the board for who should be East. They were both laughing and even Sanzo looked slightly less stone cold. It was kind of rare to see Hakkai looking so relaxed, even after trips to the specially cordoned off bathroom. Someone, Chao probably, the kiss-ass, had drawn a sign with red letters that warned 'Beware. Ladies present!'
At midnight, Hakkai went up to her room. Gojyo watched her go; he'd still be sharing with Sanzo and Goku. It was a small temple, few spare rooms, nothing to write home about. Not that he had anyone to write home to about anything.
They trooped upstairs and settled down. Gojyo lay on his pancake mattress and tried to sleep.
Goku began to snore softly, which was weirdly comforting. He knew Sanzo was awake though, and didn't look his way as he slipped out of his blankets and stepped across the polished boards to the door. They didn't squeak at all, apart from one, loudly, as he stepped across the threshold. He heard Sanzo's faint exasperated sigh and the rustle of blankets.
No one was about in the corridor. The monks were all probably in bed, or praying, or whatever they did at night. Hakkai's door was closed. Gojyo put his ear to it. There was a glimmer of light from under the door, but no sound that he could hear. He waited, heart thumping, then spoke. "You okay?"
He didn't think Hakkai was going to answer, but then the door swung open and Hakkai stood there.
It was a shock every time, like he'd never get used to it. Hakkai still wore his—her—glasses, and was clutching a book. She was dressed in a long, pale cotton shirt that Gojyo had never seen before. It must be from the monks. The front showed a slice of creamy skin and the faintest swell—He dragged his eyes back up and found she was watching him with a wide eyed and steady gaze.
"I wanted to check you were okay. You know, after last night." Hakkai might not want to talk about it, Gojyo thought. She was holding a book. Hakkai liked to read before bed. He liked to read. No, she liked to read.
"Come in," Hakkai said, and her voice was soft.
Gojyo followed her in, watching her bare feet and ankles as she moved to fold back the covers. She got in gracefully, leaving her book and glasses on the side and looked at him with an expression that Gojyo thought might be fear. His heart lurched. Did Hakkai think he'd come here for sex?
"I didn't mean—" He cleared his throat. "I wasn't—"
"Please," Hakkai said, and lay back, tugging the covers up to her chin in a way that made Gojyo's heart contract. "It's all right."
He took his shirt off, kept his jeans on. There was a mirror propped up against the wall near the window, big enough to see most of himself in. Hakkai saw him looking.
"I asked Chao for it," Hakkai said. "I wanted to see."
That must be kind of mind blowing. He tried to imagine it and then steered his thoughts carefully away. The sheets were cool and clean, and Hakkai was warm next to him, hair feather-soft where it tickled his neck. He put his arm round her shoulders and heard her soft sigh. The tension drained from her shoulders a little.
"You know I got the thinnest mattress in the world, right?" Gojyo said, after a minute of silence.
Hakkai curled close and slid her arm over his chest, and Gojyo's breathing got a bit harder. She rested her head on his shoulder. "It's better that you're here," she said, in a low, slow voice.
It sounded almost like Hakkai, if he closed his eyes. That was freaky. Hakkai in his arms, clinging close. He swallowed and stroked his fingers through Hakkai's hair. That'd feel the same too. Hakkai's breasts pushed against his side, a soft and warm pressure.
"Yeah?" His voice was too low, almost rough. "You sure about that?"
"Yes, Gojyo," Hakkai said, and then fell silent.
He slept like crap, half in and half out of sleep, with Hakkai's legs tangling with his and her hand curled on his chest. How long since he'd spent the night with a woman? It'd been more than a year.
Exhaustion hit him just as light began to filter through the curtains. Hakkai made a soft sound and rolled over, wriggling down into the bed. Gojyo moved to curl around her, face pressed to her skin, and finally slept.
His mom was with him, stroking his cheek too gently. He braced himself for the slap and wanted to ask what she was doing here at the monastery.
"I killed you," he said.
"No," she said. "I can never be dead."
The slap never came, which wasn't like her, and his heart flooded with love that was like a physical pain.
"Thank you," he said, and pressed his cheek into her hand, so gentle, like she'd never hurt him.
"What for?" she said, only she sounded like Hakkai, softly amused.
Gojyo opened his eyes and saw a woman's face over his, hair messy from sleep, lips soft and parted. Green eyes, one of them not real, three glints of silver on her ear.
"Hakkai," he said. "It's you."
"Hmm, were you dreaming?" Hakkai said. "You were talking."
"Yeah, I guess I was."
"Did you sleep all right?"
"No, like shit. How about you?"
She propped her head on one hand and watched him from close up. It was impossible to ignore the hard, lithe curves of her body and the swell of her breasts through the cotton. His morning wood was pushing up tight and hard through his jeans, and it wasn't just excited about taking a piss.
"I didn't dream," she said. "It was good."
He turned to look at her. "Yeah?"
"Yes," she said. "Gojyo… Give me your hand."
He held his right hand out and she took it, then laid it over the curve of her breast and held it there. Gojyo cupped it automatically, squeezing a little. Her fingernails dug into the back of his hand.
"Oh," she whispered. "Oh, yes,"
"Holy crap. Hakkai… I'm sorry. Fuck." He pulled back but she held his hand there, effortlessly strong.
"Don't be sorry. I saw you looking. I thought you'd like it. I thought I'd like it."
Maybe the girl hormones were to blame, Gojyo thought wildly. He couldn't look away from his own hand. The swell of Hakkai's breast was full and high, filling his palm. He took in a tight shuddery breath as Hakkai pulled open her shirt, tugging the thin layer of cotton from between her breast and his hand.
"Hakkai," he said. He was losing his cool big time, he knew it, staring wide eyed at creamy skin and dark pink nipples, hands shaking like it was his first time. His cock was so hard it hurt where the rough seam of his jeans rubbed over it.
Hakkai made a needy sound and pushed into his hand. "Touch the nipple," she said.
Her voice was low and distracted, exactly like Hakkai when he was concentrating or reading or something. His dick jerked and he rubbed the pad of his thumb over the stiffening tip of her nipple, then squeezed it very lightly between his thumb and forefinger.
"That's good," she said, quick and urgent. Her lips were wet, and her hair was falling into her darkening eyes. She pushed her hips against Gojyo's thigh, rubbing. He could feel the heat of her. "It's good."
Gojyo collapsed back on the pillow. All his muscles felt weak, but his heart was pounding, blood pumping and ready to go. He carefully took his hand away, and Hakkai pulled back too, breathing hard.
"You feel great," he said.
"So do you."
Hakkai almost fell out of bed, she got out so quickly. She grabbed her wash bag and clothes and towel, and left.
He waited, checking she wasn't going to come back in because she forgot something. After that, it took him about five seconds to get his cock out and spit in his palm. He jerked off as fast as he could make it, thinking about her, scent, touch and sound, and he came so hard that his body arched off the bed.
He found her again at breakfast, concentrating on apparently staring out her cup of tea. Jeep sat on the floor a little way from her, eating a plate of disgusting looking leftover fish parts and peering at her from time to time as if he still couldn't quite believe it.
"What happened with the rat?" Sanzo said, looking between them.
"Oh," Hakkai said. "Yes, sorry. It, ah. Well." She fiddled with her glasses. "My qi disemboweled it."
"Wow," said Goku. "That's new."
"Did you mean to do it?" Sanzo said.
"No! I wanted to heal it. I knew my energies were imbalanced, but not to this extent."
"So you can only kill things, not heal them?" Goku said.
"I hope not," said Hakkai, and hung her head.
"Shit," Sanzo said, and lit a cigarette. "Where the hell's that damn priest?"
"Maybe we should try another search party for the crone?" Hakkai suggested.
"No. That might waste even more time than waiting around on our asses." Sanzo flicked his ash near the ashtray and looked at Hakkai with slitted, thoughtful eyes. "Anyhow, thought you said you wanted a holiday?"
"I was simply thinking we should fix this—problem as fast we can." She didn't meet Gojyo's eyes.
"Yeah, right," said Gojyo.
Sanzo sighed. "Let's give it till this damned priest turns up. If nothing's changed by then, we go after her."
Chao came in then and bowed to them all. "I hope you are all well. Miss Cho. You look radiant as the sun."
"Tch," Sanzo said.
"I'm going to the library with Chao," Hakkai said, rising quickly. "Bye. Goku, please make sure Jeep gets enough water and food."
"Okay," Goku said, and then Hakkai was hurrying away.
It was a hot day, but the good kind with a fresh wind that made the treetops roar and shake their branches like impatient horses shaking their manes. Gojyo left Sanzo and Goku under a tree, bickering over a bowl of peaches that one of the monks had bought. He wandered off through the gardens. He'd never been one for outdoorsy nature stuff, not since he was a kid. He'd outgrown all that crap.
Maybe he hadn't, so much. He was struck by a gnarled and ancient grove of cherry trees he came across, green leaved now and sprouting tiny berries. He stood rooted in the grass like a tree himself, staring at them for a long time.
Part two
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Hakkai/Gojyo
Warnings: explict het and m/m, genderswap
Notes: thank you so much to
emungere for betaing this and for new_kate for cheering me on. I can't remember when this fic started life, except someone said to me 'girl Hakkai' at some point some time ago and things developed from there. It seems to have taken many months to write and then more time for us to sit and look at each other. I very much hope you enjoy it. Any feedback and comments are warmly welcomed.Summary: Hakkai is hit with a spell and turns into a woman. Things soon get complicated.
Gojyo knew he should've never trusted that fortune teller. They were all evil, even the ones without creepy little dolls that shot apple pips or whatever into your goddamn skin. He sat on the edge of his unmade bed, bare feet planted on the floor for support.
"How did it happen?" Goku was saying, peering right in Hakkai's face. "How? I mean, how?"
"I really don't know," Hakkai said.
He flicked his hair from his eyes and reached out for Hakuryuu, who fluttered his wings and backed away.
"You can't just wake up as a lady," Goku said
"Well, yes I can, it seems."
Goku peered at him worriedly, as if concentrating might turn Hakkai back. "What's it feel like?"
"Shut up, Goku. What happened yesterday?" Sanzo said, lighting his fourth cigarette since he'd stalked in. He rolled his eyes and slumped on Gojyo's bed. "Something must've caused this."
"Nothing that I can remember," said Hakkai, looking over at Gojyo with wide worried eyes. He had the sheets pulled up to his chest. Over his breasts. Which Gojyo wasn't even noticing.
"Um," said Gojyo.
They turned to look at him.
"I might've known," said Sanzo.
"Gojyo," Hakkai said, in his new voice. It was almost like his old one, except just a little lighter. "What happened?"
"There was this old wrinkly lady. I didn't know she was gonna steal your dick."
Hakkai pulled the sheets closer to his chest. "Gojyo!"
"Ah. Sorry. Um. Sorry."
Goku was staring, open mouthed.
"What exactly did she say, moron?" Sanzo said.
"She read my palm for free, said I was cute and that I had an exciting life ahead of me."
"It'll be exciting when I kill you."
"I didn't know she was evil! She said some crap about unexpected changes, shit like that."
Hakkai clutched at the sheet more tightly. His knuckles were white. "Well, one thing has certainly changed."
"Heh. Yeah." He bit his tongue. Really, it must be beyond freaky. "Um, I mean. Sorry."
***
Gojyo studied him as they drove. Hakkai as a girl wasn't that much different to Hakkai as a guy. His shoulders and hands were smaller and more delicate, and he was swamped in his shirt. His jaw and neck were softly curved. His trousers were rolled up and his boots were too big. He had breasts. You could hardly tell they were there under his huge shirt. Not that different.
They couldn't find the fortune-telling old bag anywhere, even though they made Gojyo ask everyone they passed on the road.
"She might be in the next town over," some guy said, when they stopped. "People like that, they move around a lot. Do you need directions, miss?"
It took him a second to work out who this loser was talking to. He wasn't looking at Gojyo anymore. Then Gojyo turned and saw that Hakkai was smiling back. Something weird happened in Gojyo's brain then. Men, he thought. No. Not men. Hakkai wouldn't. Seriously, no.
"Hey, back off, scumbag."
"I-- I beg your pardon?"
"Quit mackin' all over hi-- her. Guys like you make me sick."
The man backed off, mumbling an apology.
"Gojyo…" Hakkai paused, as if deciding how to explain how dumb Gojyo was. "Don't you think that was an overreaction?"
"It was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," Sanzo muttered.
"You're always lechin' on girls," Goku said. "It's hypocritical."
"No," Gojyo said. "Wait. Because, you know, men-- "
"Oh, I do know men, Gojyo. I know them very well. I can look after myself in that regard." Hakkai fixed him with a painfully sharp stare. "Have you got any further points to make about them?"
"No," Gojyo said, except he really did, mostly that Hakkai shouldn't even contemplate, well, anything.
***
"I need the card, please," Hakkai said, when they arrived in the next town. He looked tired and pale and had fallen ominously silent during the long drive.
"Why?" Sanzo said.
"Shopping," Hakkai said, sounding a lot more terse than usual.
Sanzo handed the card over, with an uncomfortable glance in Hakkai's direction. Gojyo waited for Hakkai to ask him to come along, but he didn't.
"See you later," he said to Hakkai's back, and Hakkai only nodded.
"He's different," said Goku. "D'you think he's okay?"
"Would you be okay if you'd just swapped your dick for a pussy?" Gojyo said. Goku stared at him. "On second thoughts, don't answer that."
He was well into his third beer, slumped at the bar, when Hakkai came back. Gojyo sat up and almost knocked over his glass, fumbling it upright at the last second.
"Hakkai. You look-- different."
"Hello, Gojyo. Is everything all right?"
"Yeah," he said. He watched Hakkai's expectant, faintly anxious, expression carefully, feeling like he was on weirdly familiar ground. "Um. Have you done something to your hair?" he said, finally. "It looks good."
Hakkai smiled at him, looking kind of grateful. "Oh, I just got it neatened up."
Okay, Gojyo knew how to do this. Women liked to be told they looked nice. Except Hakkai wasn't a woman. And yet he was. Gojyo's eyes ached from the effort of not looking at Hakkai's chest. "That sweater's nice too."
"Thanks. They were having a sale so I got two."
"Good idea. You look real-- good."
Their gazes met and Gojyo struggled with an instinct to flirt and smile and say more nice things. He shouldn't, absolutely not at all, because this was Hakkai, even if Hakkai was looking like some out-of-his-league hot chick. He had some sort of glossy lip stuff on, Gojyo noticed, and he smelled good. She. He. Fuck it. Hakkai was smiling up at him, but there was something unsure in his gaze.
"Thank you, Gojyo."
"Um. Sanzo and Goku are upstairs. Do you want a drink?"
"I'd better go up and check on them," Hakkai said.
"Oh, okay."
Something like panic settled in Gojyo's chest as he watched Hakkai walk away. Hakkai had bought himself a nice green sweater in some soft looking wool and a dark swishy skirt that clung to his hips and his thighs, and shoes with little heels that made his ankles look all slim and his legs long, and make up. And pretty hair. He was also carrying several shopping bags of women-type items from the look of the things he could see, if he craned his neck just so. Pink soap and things that looked like underwear. And— tampons.
Crap.
It explained at least some of the steely looks. He cursed that old hag, wherever she was.
***
Of course Hakkai got his own room. He needed it now, he'd said, not meeting Gojyo's eyes.
Gojyo ended up rolled up on a pancake-thin futon on the floor in Sanzo and Goku's room, trying not to wonder if it meant Hakkai didn't trust him or something. It was probably just because of the woman stuff. That must be freaky, bleeding like that for days and days. No way to stop it at all.
He rolled over on his side and stared at the wall for a long time, then got up and silently crept out of the door and along to Hakkai's room, where he paused, then knocked. There was no reply. He waited, until it was getting stupid to wait any longer, and then the door opened a crack. Hakkai peeped out. He didn't look exactly surprised to see Gojyo.
"Gojyo? What is it?
"Did I wake you up?"
"No."
Gojyo leaned in, resting his arm along the door frame. "I'm sorry, man." Hakkai gave a wry smile. "Uh. You know. Not man."
"For waking me up?" Hakkai said.
"No, you know what. For the chick thing." He paused. "I know you're on the rag an' everything."
It was light enough to just tell that Hakkai scowled. "You said it wasn't your fault."
"Well… "
"Gojyo."
"The old lady said—I asked her if I was gonna meet a beautiful woman anytime soon, and she got a funny look on her face and said yeah, and then she laughed a lot. I just thought she was nuts."
Hakkai was watching him, and now his expression was utterly unreadable. "And did you meet one?" he said.
Gojyo swallowed. "Yeah," he said.
Hakkai gazed at him for a moment longer. The boards under Gojyo's bare feet creaked, and Gojyo realised he was only wearing his underwear. He saw Hakkai's gaze travel briefly to his bare chest, then back up again. He looked faintly amused, but only faintly.
"Goodnight, Gojyo," he said, and shut the door gently but decisively in Gojyo's face.
***
Hakkai came down to the dining room in the morning, neatly dressed in his new girl clothes, hair brushed back, smiling. He downed two pink-coloured painkillers, drank a cup of coffee, ate an unaccustomed large bowl of sugary breakfast cereal and announced himself fit and ready to drive.
No one else had said a word, and Goku was looking at him in something like awe.
"You make a great lady, Hakkai," he said.
"It certainly feels different," Hakkai said, brightly. "All over."
Goku opened his mouth again, but Sanzo elbowed him hard, so that he yelped.
"Let's get out of here," Sanzo grumped. "We've still got to clear up Gojyo's mess."
"It's not my fault," Gojyo said, trailing after them, but he couldn't find any heat to put behind it. He watched Hakkai heave his now bulging bag into Jeep and kept getting his gaze stuck on Hakkai's smaller shoulders and the curve of his waist.
"So," Hakkai said, when they were under way. "We should think about how we're going to solve this little problem."
"There's a temple along this road. The innkeeper said we might get some information there on the old woman," Sanzo said.
"It sounds like the best bet, certainly," said Hakkai. "Sometimes a girl needs some priestly intervention."
"Don't say things like that," Sanzo said, and there was a slight cringing set to his shoulders.
"Please don't tell me what I can and can't say." He laughed, and it wasn't all that nice a sound.
They drove for an hour in a tense silence until a bunch of youkai tumbled into the road ahead and spread out in a sort of lame-ass V shape. They had axes and crowbars and knives. Hakkai pulled up.
"Uh. Hakkai, maybe you'd better stay back in Jeep," Gojyo said. "They look kinda dangerous."
"I beg your pardon?" Hakkai said, turning round fully in his seat.
Sanzo sighed and shook his head. Goku was watching Gojyo's face warily as if Gojyo were some kind of crazy person.
"That's still Hakkai, even with boobies," Goku said, slowly.
"Hey, looooosers," the youkai called. "We're gonna chop you into dog food. And then we're gonna EAT you."
"Naw, hey, we don't eat dog food," another one said, plaintively.
"Please keep it down," Hakkai called, in a high and penetrating voice. "We'll be with you in a moment." He turned back to Gojyo. "I'm a woman, not an invalid."
"I know that," Gojyo said. "I'm not dumb."
"The moron's got a point. Hakkai, will your qi work as effectively now?" Sanzo said. "It's probably been affected by the-- change."
Hakkai's mouth tightened up and he turned back to face the front, his shoulders set in a tense line. "I'm sure it's fine," he said.
Sanzo's mouth pinched up. "How sure?"
There was a long silence. The youkai shuffled their feet. "Actually, I do have a terrible stomach ache," Hakkai added, in a small voice. "Perhaps I shouldn't bother fighting today."
Sanzo sighed. "Gojyo, Goku, sort those idiots out," he said, as stony faced as he'd ever been.
"Right."
It was a relief to launch himself out of the car, Goku at his side just as eager, and plough through the crazies. These particular ones had blood on their jaws and teeth, and Gojyo's stomach turned before he sliced them up. Goku knocked one up right into a tree, where he dangled for a moment, then plummeted. More youkai ran out from under the trees, screaming, and yet more behind them.
"They're not stopping," Goku said, sounding puzzled. "This sucks."
Bullets whined past their ears. Sanzo was out of the car now, stalking about and shooting things, looking as mad as a priest with a stick up his ass.
"I have to find a public convenience soon," Hakkai called, from Jeep. "When you're ready."
"Can't you go in a bush?" Sanzo said, shooting someone in the head.
"No," Hakkai called. "I can't."
"Dammit," Gojyo swore, flinging his blade out wide. "Just fuck off," he said, and kicked a youkai in the stomach. "Now. We're busy, assfaces."
Sanzo's reply was inaudible, because just then something hit the side of Gojyo's head, sharp and shockingly hard. Black spots swirled into the sides of his vision like flies and he felt hands on him, pulling him down and dragging him along.
"Useless," Sanzo said.
"Get off him, scumbags," Goku said.
The hands let go, and Gojyo slumped face down in the dust. It stuck to his nose and his lips. He watched an ant running past his nose. It raised its front legs as if it was really pissed off, and Gojyo had to admire its guts. Someone stumbled over his shin, and he groaned, cold nausea washing down through his body, taking his sight with it. A white light crackled in his ears and then vanished with an echoing pop, and then Hakkai's voice. It was the last thing he heard.
He woke up lying in the back of Jeep, with his face close to Hakkai's breasts. Hakkai was smoothing his hair back from his forehead. The look of worry on his face—and the breast thing-- was almost worth the gut clenching throb of pain behind one eye.
"Wha?" he said.
"You got hit with a rock."
"Why the glum face?" he said, as the world span around him. "'S' just one more lump."
"I can't heal it," Hakkai said.
"Cos of the chick parts?" he managed to say, after the third attempt. Things were swimming.
"I don't want to risk-- anything," Hakkai said, his brows knitting together. "Sanzo is quite right. It is interfering with the flow of my qi." He took his hand away and clenched his fists in his lap. Gojyo wanted them to come back. "I suppose because technically I'm a different person."
"Don't worry," Gojyo said. "We'll get you fixed up back to normal."
Gojyo was a bit surprised at the way Hakkai's eyes suddenly went really shiny. He turned his face away for a moment, then looked back at Gojyo and let out a breath.
"You should worry about yourself," he said. "You're going to need stitches in this."
Gojyo propped himself on one elbow, fighting the nausea. Goku was dragging the bodies into a pile and Sanzo was standing smoking, not looking their way.
"That was some fight," Gojyo said.
Hakkai sat back, perched on the edge of the seat next to Gojyo's legs. The warm curve of Hakkai's thigh pressed against his.
"Do you think it was entirely natural?"
"Is any of this stuff natural?" Gojyo said, slumping back down.
"Aha. No," Hakkai said, then he bit his lower lip and lowered his lashes. "But there seemed to be an awful lot of them, targeted just at the right time to take advantage of my-- weakness."
"It's not a weakness," Gojyo said, and then darkness swam up again and he passed out.
He woke up to total darkness and for a second thought he'd gone blind. He sat up with a jerk, straining his eyes and listening. Quiet room, no sounds from a street or bar, two sets of breathing, one slow and steady, one of them faintly snoring; Sanzo and Goku. A dim strip of light showed where the door was. His mouth was as dry as a desert and he could still taste dust and grit, along with the monkey's armpit effect of sleep.
He rolled off his mattress and stood, wobbling a little, waiting for his night vision to adjust. Someone had taken his shirt off and left him in his jeans. He fumbled in the dark, found his cigarettes and a jug of water. Hakkai and Jeep weren't in here. The water tasted coppery, or maybe that was something to do with his mouth, and his head ached dully at the side, the broken skin smarting.
"Damn it," he muttered, and touched the wound, running his fingertips over rough stitches. He needed a smoke, or a beer, or something. He shuffled into the deserted hall, his feet scuffing on the dusty boards, and then stopped. Faint sounds were coming from a door down the corridor, like someone crying and not wanting to be heard. It was a woman, by the sound of it. A familiar voice.
Okay, he could go for a smoke and let Hakkai get on with whatever, or he could go and check it out. He snorted at himself, because he knew his own weaknesses like he knew the shape of his own hands. His feet were moving even before he properly thought about it.
He'd heard Hakkai cry once before, in a lower timbre, must've been a year to the day he'd first ever brought Hakkai home. A guy had to cry sometimes, Gojyo knew that now. At the time he'd hung around awkwardly for a few hours, then'd gone out to get drunk when it hadn't stopped. Women cried more, too, in his experience. So it was natural Hakkai would let it out.
He stood at the door for a full five minutes, staring at the door knob, just listening. It hurt, and he realised after a little while that he was glad about that.
"You can come in," Hakkai said, finally, his voice sounding thick and muffled.
The room was lit with a single lamp, and Hakkai was kneeling on the floor next to the bed, dressed in an old t-shirt that swamped him, his hands clenched in fists on his bare knees. There was something on the floor in front of him. It was gory and red and mangled.
"What the hell is that?" Gojyo said, coming over to stare.
"It's a rat," Hakkai said, and his effort at a light tone was painful.
"What, did you take out your bad day on it?" Gojyo said, squatting down to poke at it. Its guts seemed to be on the outside.
Hakkai hung his head. "I was trying to heal it."
The rat had tiny black bulging eyes. "And you turned it inside out instead?"
Hakkai only nodded. There was a drop of water dangling from his nose. Gojyo shifted to a more comfortable position. His head was throbbing. "So, I guess I'm lucky you didn't try it on me first?"
"Lucky, yes," Hakkai said, and covered his eyes.
There were boundaries, Gojyo thought, when your best guy friend was crying. They weren't quite the same when he was a girl, looking almost frail and sobbing into her hands, quietly, but so that her body shook.
"Hey," Gojyo said. He swallowed, dipping his head to try and see Hakkai's face. "Hey, it's okay."
Hakkai shook his head and Gojyo put a hand on his shoulder, then touched his neck and his cheek, then put both arms round him and held him. Gojyo's heart was beating fast. This might be the most confusing thing that had ever happened to him--or Hakkai-- and that was saying a lot.
Hakkai leaned against him, a light weight, hiding his face in Gojyo's neck, where Gojyo could feel wetness and gusts of hot breath.
"This is ridiculous," Hakkai said, after a moment, and then he sighed and pressed his face in deeper.
Gojyo tightened his arms. "No, it ain't," he said, and pressed his cheek against Hakkai's hair, feeling the faint edges of his youkai power in the air around them. It didn't feel any different to Gojyo, but then Gojyo wasn't very sensitive to stuff like that. "It's okay. I'll fix this."
Hakkai shuddered against him and fresh wet tears hit Gojyo's skin. They smelled good, Gojyo thought, his heart still thumping. Salty and familiar. He probably wasn't thinking right. It'd been a long time since he'd tried to comfort a weeping woman, maybe a couple of years, and before that... His mama never wanted to be comforted anyway. He ran his hands over Hakkai's shoulders, feeling the soft warm weight of Hakkai's breasts pressing against him.
It'd be so damn good to touch them.
He froze, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He shifted his thoughts to the rat, because he wasn't gonna do something tasteless and get a hard on. Maybe Hakkai picked something up, because he pulled away and scrubbed at his eyes. Gojyo cleared his throat and sat back too.
"Let's get rid of the rat," he said, and got to his feet.
"That would be sensible," Hakkai said, in dull tones.
Gojyo found some sheets of old newspaper and got the rat all wrapped up, then he took it down to the back door and dumped it outside with the other rubbish. When he got back, Hakkai was sitting on the bed. Apart from his red eyes and nose, he looked almost himself. Herself. He looked up as Gojyo entered, and his expression was unreadable.
"How you feeling?" Gojyo said, not knowing what to do with himself. He stood in the middle of the room, feeling like a spare dick at a wedding.
"I don't mean to be overdramatic," Hakkai said. "But I'm starting to feel like a completely different person."
"Aw, shit."
"Yes."
"Can I do anything to help?"
Hakkai sighed and closed his eyes. He shuffled back further onto the bed and pulled the blankets up over his legs. His head was bowed. "I don't want to be alone."
So, Hakkai asked a lot of Gojyo, sometimes. It really was not anything new. He got into bed, and they lay down, arranging pillows and blankets in a small familiar flurry of activity that Gojyo found comforting. This was still Hakkai after all. They'd shared before, although not ever for any reason other than space.
"You need to go to the bathroom?" Gojyo said, his hand on the light. Hakkai had turned away, pushing his face down into the lumpy pillow, and all that was visible was his dark hair and the sharp angle of his cheekbone.
"No, I'm fine," Hakkai said. He looked over his shoulder for a moment. "How's your head? I'm sorry, I forgot."
"Yeah well, you've got bigger problems."
He switched off the light and lay down, looking up at the shimmer of moonlight on the cracked ceiling. Hakkai felt too small next to him; it threw him, over and over. After about ten minutes of no sleep, Hakkai sighed and turned on his back too.
"What's it like?" Gojyo said, softly, in case Hakkai didn't want to answer.
"It's as if someone threw a switch in my brain and now everything is dissatisfying and irritating," Hakkai said, and Gojyo wanted to ask if that was really much different to his normal state. He kept his lip buttoned. "Also, the physical side of menstruating is messy and painful."
"I kinda guessed that."
Hakkai was silent for a moment, then turned his head. Gojyo knew because he could feel Hakkai's breath on his neck. "When I look in the mirror, I see her."
He knew who Hakkai meant; it'd crossed his mind too, looking at Hakkai's sweet girl's face. Just like Hakkai, except everything softened and refined into a woman's face.
"This sucks," Gojyo said and Hakkai made a wordless, helpless, sound of agreement, like he might lose it again.
Gojyo thought about it for a few seconds before he actually did it, but fuck it, Hakkai was his friend, guy or girl.
"Come here," he said, softly, and turned and opened his arms.
Hakkai moved into them and curled against him, slight and warm. Gojyo tightened his arms and listened to Hakkai's breathing get slow and even, and wondered how he'd ever sleep himself. He pressed his nose to Hakkai's hair and stroked his skull, and didn't even notice when he drifted off.
He woke up hours later with a bitch of a headache and to the sight of Hakkai padding back across the room towards the bed, a small wash-bag clutched in his hand. He still looked horribly pale. Gojyo closed his eyes when the bed dipped again. Hakkai curled up close to him and sighed very softly.
"I'd like a day off, frankly," he murmured.
Gojyo opened one eye and saw Hakkai, watching him across the pillow. It was hard to keep thinking of him as a guy, especially this close. He knew Hakkai was a pretty man, beautiful really. It had became more obvious now he was a girl.
"Sanzo'll whip your ass," he said, his voice croaky with sleep. "We've got to get you fixed, anyhow."
"Fixed, yes."
"Don't make it sound so bad. Do you wanna be dickless the rest of your life?"
Hakkai's smile, even the rueful one, was always better than seeing his downturned mouth. "You always put things into perspective," he said.
"Yeah, it's gotta be hard. Your head's all messed up with hormones," Gojyo said. "Ain't it?"
"It's not just hormones," Hakkai said, his brows coming together. "This is an extremely trying time."
"Well, yeah, but..."
Hakkai sighed and turned over, pulling the covers up around his ears so that he was mostly hidden. "Oh, never mind. Go back to sleep."
He didn't think he would, but he did, until Goku shook him awake. The light was bright, like it was midday, which was weird.
"Sanzo says you'd better get your ass downstairs. You better not've done anything perverted to Hakkai," Goku said. He paused. "You didn't, did you?"
"No, I did not do anything perverted!"
Goku subsided and sat on the bed and chewed a hangnail. He watched him get dressed. "It's weird. He looks different, and that's scary, but he hasn't actually changed that much. He still made me wash my hair this morning, and he made sure Sanzo had the right coffee and stuff. I thought he'd be more-- " Goku stopped.
"More what?"
"I don't know." He'd got that look on his face when he was having a thought, like he was all surprised that the world could even be that way. It was probably because of growing up in a cave. "I don't know any girls."
"You mean Sanzo didn't have secret hot chick monks at the monastery?"
"Dumb ass. I mean, he's not like how I thought a girl would be. What do you think?"
Gojyo washed his face at the small sink and got his shaving kit out. "Hakkai's been brought up nice. He's not—He's not gonna be like any girl I ever knew. And he's been a guy all his life."
"Hmm, yeah."
Goku waited while Gojyo dried off and put his socks and boots on, watching with a deep and pondering expression.
"Where the crap are we anyway?" Gojyo said, clomping down the narrow wooden stairs.
They were hardly the width of his shoulders. The sweet smell of incense wafted up. At the bottom they spilled out into a neat white-walled corridor with big windows that showed a sunny garden. Birds twittered enthusiastically in the neatly clipped bushes, and, in the distance, brown-robed monks could be seen digging about with rakes and hoes.
"It's that monastery. Hakkai made us come here when you were bleedin' everywhere, said you had to get proper medical attention."
"Oh." Damn, a lack of beer and smokes just when he needed them most.
Goku led him through a small maze of corridors until they came to a wide open room filled with sunlight. It had long tables and benches and it looked like the refectory at the temple at Chang An, where Sanzo had fed them sometimes. Hakkai and Sanzo sat at one of them, both staring out of the window and silently sipping tea. No one else was about.
"Yo," he said, sitting down.
Hakkai smiled. "You're looking better, Gojyo."
"Hey, so are you."
Hakkai looked rosy and bright eyed. He nodded at the tea. "It's calming, a special mix they make at the temple. For women's times. Would you like to try some?"
He pushed the pot at Gojyo. "Hell, no," Gojyo said. "Coffee's fine. Hey, Sanzo, are you drinking that shit?"
"No," Sanzo said, which was a total lie, because Gojyo could see it in his cup.
A monk came in with a tray of food. It was actually lunchtime – they'd let him sleep late.
"It's an honour to serve such an illustrious member of our holy community," the monk said, bowing deeply to them all. Sanzo looked away, seemingly bored. Maybe the tea was working on him too.
"Soup, Miss, ah-- ?"
"Cho," Hakkai said.
"It's shrimp and cabbage, Miss Cho."
"Ooh, that sounds lovely," Hakkai said, looking up into his face with a smile. The monk looked temporarily dazzled.
"I hope you enjoy it," he mumbled.
The monk served the rest of them, perfectly polite and smiling. Gojyo had an urge to punch him.
"My name's Chao, if you need anything," he said.
"Cigarettes," Sanzo said, not looking over his shoulder.
"I'm sure Master can spare some," Chao said, after a short pause.
"Huh, looks like they're not so pure round here," Gojyo said, as Chao walked away.
"He was nice," said Hakkai. "Wasn't he?"
No one said anything, apart from Goku, who agreed. The food was good; savoury and hot. They ate in silence. Hakkai spooned soup methodically and slowly.
"Where's Jeep?" Gojyo said, finally.
"Asleep on my bed," Goku said.
"Did you take him up some food this morning?" Hakkai said. "And water?"
"I checked, he's fine," Goku said.
"Is he ill?" said Gojyo.
"Er." Goku went pink. "Not ill. We're guessing he's freaked out by Hakkai's, um, change."
"He just needs some time to get used to it," Hakkai said, sharply. He sighed and put his spoon down, staring into his bowl. He was wearing the nice sweater again. "So do I."
Gojyo looked over at Sanzo for a clue; he couldn't help it. "So, what's the plan?" he said. "We gotta have one, right?"
"We're seeing the head priest here later tonight. He's on his way back as we speak," Sanzo said. He nodded, puffing on his cigarette. He sounded almost comforting, his tone odd and awkward. "The monks are sure he'll have some idea of where to find this old crone."
"It might be as simple as an imbalance in energies," Hakkai said. "I could try and fix it myself."
"Yeah, and you could explode yourself up like the rat," Gojyo said.
"What rat?" Sanzo said, narrowing his eyes.
Hakkai opened his mouth to explain, but then Chao came running in, his colour high and flushed. He was bearing a long, gleaming sword.
"Youkai," he cried. "At the gates, Master Sanzo."
"I might've known," Sanzo said, hanging his head.
"Yay, a fight," Goku said, leaping up. "I really need one."
"Miss Cho, let me protect you with my life," Chao said very earnestly, dropping to one knee.
"Oh, great," Gojyo said. "That's totally overkill. We protect h--her—with our lives every day, it's nothing special."
"Um," Goku said, tapping Chao's shoulder. "Hakkai's not really a—Aughh." He blinked wide shocked eyes at Hakkai and rubbed at his shin.
"That would be lovely," Hakkai said, clutching at his tea cup. "I'm sure you—men can manage without me for once."
"Uh…Yeah," Gojyo said. "If you let anything happen to Miss Cho I'll slice your face off, okay?"
Chao stared. "You have my word," he said, and Hakkai nodded approvingly.
There were youkai at the gates, about fifty of them, all sporting bad fashion choices and, not long after, sliced up bodies, bullet holes and bruises. The temple monks fell back, looking pale and ill, eyes wide and looking at the three of them, especially Sanzo, in a new, far more terrified, light. So what was new?
"You know how Hakkai's a lady now?" Goku said, as they trekked off to the bathhouse to wash off the gore.
"Oh, is he? I hadn't noticed," Gojyo said.
"Don't be a moron," Sanzo muttered.
"Well," Goku went on. "Does that mean he could, you know, get pregnant?"
"If he does I'll shoot him," Sanzo said, stripping off his robe. A young boy came and took away their bloody clothing, staring in awe at the scars on their bodies. He left soap and towels and robes. They washed off under the taps and sat in the wooden bath, steaming. Gojyo stretched out his legs and wondered how Hakkai was getting on with Chao.
Male or female, Hakkai wasn't the sort of person who'd let anyone molest them, not unless Hakkai wanted something like that. To Gojyo's knowledge, he'd never shown the slightest sign of interest in sex with anyone, man or woman. Gojyo'd considered it sometimes, when drunk. He sighed and leaned back, letting hot water soak over his shoulders.
"So, he could have a baby?" Goku said. "In theory."
Sanzo had draped a flannel over his face and behind it he moaned. "Please don't."
"But he could, right?"
"Yeah," Gojyo said, because it was clear the monkey wasn't going to let it go. "He could. She could, I mean."
"She, hehe," Goku said. "That's so weird. Anyway, why are you so sure?"
"She's got the painters in," Gojyo said.
"Uh, what?"
"Surfing the crimson tide. You know, the curse. Time of the month."
"…What?"
"Menstruating," Sanzo said. "I'm fairly certain Hakkai gave you that particular biology lesson."
"Oh," said Goku and his eyes went big and round. "Oh. Poor Hakkai."
"Yeah, so don't go makin' him mad or nothin'," Gojyo said.
"Or we'll all have to pay," Sanzo said, from behind his wash cloth.
"Women are so strange," Goku said, almost reverently.
"Yeah," Gojyo said.
Sanzo just stayed quiet, because how the hell would he know? Gojyo smiled and didn't make any comment; Sanzo was near enough to lash out.
"So anyway, the spell, whatever, seems to include a set of fully working and primed lady parts," Gojyo said, flicking water at Goku's face with his toe.
"Hmm," Sanzo, said, dragging the cloth off his face. He'd gone bright pink and his hair was sticking to his face. "Seems a bit convenient, doesn't it?"
"That he's on the blob straight away?"
"Yes," Sanzo said, sitting up and reaching over the edge of the bath for his cigarettes. "Little bit too convenient if you ask me. In theory, it would need 28 days for Hakkai's new body to begin menstruating."
"Huh, you know that," Gojyo said, blinking.
"Don't sound so surprised! Idiot. You mentioned the curse. For once, I think you've said something fairly intelligent. By accident, obviously."
"What? Hey!"
"The spell's a curse," Sanzo said. "It's not a true physical transformation. It's not benign."
"It's not?" Gojyo said.
"No. It's someone's idea of revenge, and on men, at a guess."
"But why would anyone curse Hakkai?" Goku said. "He's not a bad person."
"I don't know," Sanzo said.
"That's some random revenge," Gojyo said. "So, what do we do?"
"Let's wait for the temple master to turn up. He might have some clues."
"Can't you just fix it?" Goku said.
Sanzo gazed down into the water. "Perhaps if I had both sutras, yes."
They dried off and dressed and were shown to a shady spot in the garden with wooden benches and small bubbling pools of clear water, where a young monk with a reedy, half-broken voice suggested that they might like to meditate. Goku asked for a plate of spring rolls to help him.
"When's your master back?" Sanzo said.
"I'm very sorry," the monk said, bowing so low his nose almost scraped the floor. "He sent news that he'll be delayed."
"How long for?"
"Another night."
"Damn it," Sanzo said.
In the distance, Hakkai could be seen walking along the winding garden pathways with that bastard Chao. Chao was picking things from plants and gesticulating, the moron, and Hakkai was smiling at him.
"What are they doing?" Gojyo said.
"Master Chao is very knowledgeable when it comes to herbs and plant lore," the monk said, obviously in the throes of a mancrush. "Miss Cho has a quick mind and appears to be learning much from him."
"Just fetch the food. And beer too," Sanzo snapped.
"She does look happy," Goku said, thoughtfully, gazing at them. "What if Hakkai likes being a woman?"
"Don't be an idiot," Sanzo said, but they sat and watched her and avoided each other's eyes.
When Hakkai approached them, with an armful of deep red, sweet-scented flowers, they gazed up silently.
"I picked us some flowers," she said. "Also some herbs, as I plan to improve the tisane to ease menstrual cramps."
"The big cheese's delayed another day," Gojyo said. "So we'll have to hang around."
Sanzo opened his mouth, but somehow nothing came out and he shut it again. Gojyo couldn't blame him. Hakkai had a slight sunburn on her nose and a purple flower tucked behind her ear. She smiled down at them.
"Oh, that's a shame. Still, it's very pleasant here. It won't hurt to remain for another day. Or two. Perhaps we should stay the week. I've been thinking we need a holiday."
"Uh."
"I'll see you later. Chao is going to show me the waterfalls. They have an interesting geological formation."
"I'll just bet they do," Gojyo muttered.
"I'm sorry?"
It was hard to act like a dick when Hakkai looked so happy. He sighed. "Hey, have a good time."
"Thank you, Gojyo." She gazed down at Gojyo with a beautiful bright smile.
"Dammit," Sanzo muttered, as she walked away. "This is getting bad."
"I think it's nice," Goku said. "It's like he's really a woman."
"Shut up, Monkey."
They played mahjong that night, on a long table that held a vase of the red flowers. Hakkai sat next to him and from time to time their knees bumped under the table. Maybe it was by accident. He couldn't count the number of times he and Hakkai must've accidentally knocked or bumped each other, but it hadn't made him feel the way he did now. It was a like a physical tug, a mute reaction that he didn't know what to do with. He could feel the warmth of Hakkai's body radiating against him. He wondered blindly if Hakkai could sense it too. Instead of wondering too hard, which was pointless anyhow. he took Hakkai's cup.
"More wine?" he said.
"Ooh, yes please," Hakkai said, looking ridiculously pleased as Gojyo poured it out. "That's very kind of you, Gojyo."
He watched Hakkai drink the wine in one long swallow, and then Hakkai begin to play some ridiculous clapping game with Goku over the board for who should be East. They were both laughing and even Sanzo looked slightly less stone cold. It was kind of rare to see Hakkai looking so relaxed, even after trips to the specially cordoned off bathroom. Someone, Chao probably, the kiss-ass, had drawn a sign with red letters that warned 'Beware. Ladies present!'
At midnight, Hakkai went up to her room. Gojyo watched her go; he'd still be sharing with Sanzo and Goku. It was a small temple, few spare rooms, nothing to write home about. Not that he had anyone to write home to about anything.
They trooped upstairs and settled down. Gojyo lay on his pancake mattress and tried to sleep.
Goku began to snore softly, which was weirdly comforting. He knew Sanzo was awake though, and didn't look his way as he slipped out of his blankets and stepped across the polished boards to the door. They didn't squeak at all, apart from one, loudly, as he stepped across the threshold. He heard Sanzo's faint exasperated sigh and the rustle of blankets.
No one was about in the corridor. The monks were all probably in bed, or praying, or whatever they did at night. Hakkai's door was closed. Gojyo put his ear to it. There was a glimmer of light from under the door, but no sound that he could hear. He waited, heart thumping, then spoke. "You okay?"
He didn't think Hakkai was going to answer, but then the door swung open and Hakkai stood there.
It was a shock every time, like he'd never get used to it. Hakkai still wore his—her—glasses, and was clutching a book. She was dressed in a long, pale cotton shirt that Gojyo had never seen before. It must be from the monks. The front showed a slice of creamy skin and the faintest swell—He dragged his eyes back up and found she was watching him with a wide eyed and steady gaze.
"I wanted to check you were okay. You know, after last night." Hakkai might not want to talk about it, Gojyo thought. She was holding a book. Hakkai liked to read before bed. He liked to read. No, she liked to read.
"Come in," Hakkai said, and her voice was soft.
Gojyo followed her in, watching her bare feet and ankles as she moved to fold back the covers. She got in gracefully, leaving her book and glasses on the side and looked at him with an expression that Gojyo thought might be fear. His heart lurched. Did Hakkai think he'd come here for sex?
"I didn't mean—" He cleared his throat. "I wasn't—"
"Please," Hakkai said, and lay back, tugging the covers up to her chin in a way that made Gojyo's heart contract. "It's all right."
He took his shirt off, kept his jeans on. There was a mirror propped up against the wall near the window, big enough to see most of himself in. Hakkai saw him looking.
"I asked Chao for it," Hakkai said. "I wanted to see."
That must be kind of mind blowing. He tried to imagine it and then steered his thoughts carefully away. The sheets were cool and clean, and Hakkai was warm next to him, hair feather-soft where it tickled his neck. He put his arm round her shoulders and heard her soft sigh. The tension drained from her shoulders a little.
"You know I got the thinnest mattress in the world, right?" Gojyo said, after a minute of silence.
Hakkai curled close and slid her arm over his chest, and Gojyo's breathing got a bit harder. She rested her head on his shoulder. "It's better that you're here," she said, in a low, slow voice.
It sounded almost like Hakkai, if he closed his eyes. That was freaky. Hakkai in his arms, clinging close. He swallowed and stroked his fingers through Hakkai's hair. That'd feel the same too. Hakkai's breasts pushed against his side, a soft and warm pressure.
"Yeah?" His voice was too low, almost rough. "You sure about that?"
"Yes, Gojyo," Hakkai said, and then fell silent.
He slept like crap, half in and half out of sleep, with Hakkai's legs tangling with his and her hand curled on his chest. How long since he'd spent the night with a woman? It'd been more than a year.
Exhaustion hit him just as light began to filter through the curtains. Hakkai made a soft sound and rolled over, wriggling down into the bed. Gojyo moved to curl around her, face pressed to her skin, and finally slept.
His mom was with him, stroking his cheek too gently. He braced himself for the slap and wanted to ask what she was doing here at the monastery.
"I killed you," he said.
"No," she said. "I can never be dead."
The slap never came, which wasn't like her, and his heart flooded with love that was like a physical pain.
"Thank you," he said, and pressed his cheek into her hand, so gentle, like she'd never hurt him.
"What for?" she said, only she sounded like Hakkai, softly amused.
Gojyo opened his eyes and saw a woman's face over his, hair messy from sleep, lips soft and parted. Green eyes, one of them not real, three glints of silver on her ear.
"Hakkai," he said. "It's you."
"Hmm, were you dreaming?" Hakkai said. "You were talking."
"Yeah, I guess I was."
"Did you sleep all right?"
"No, like shit. How about you?"
She propped her head on one hand and watched him from close up. It was impossible to ignore the hard, lithe curves of her body and the swell of her breasts through the cotton. His morning wood was pushing up tight and hard through his jeans, and it wasn't just excited about taking a piss.
"I didn't dream," she said. "It was good."
He turned to look at her. "Yeah?"
"Yes," she said. "Gojyo… Give me your hand."
He held his right hand out and she took it, then laid it over the curve of her breast and held it there. Gojyo cupped it automatically, squeezing a little. Her fingernails dug into the back of his hand.
"Oh," she whispered. "Oh, yes,"
"Holy crap. Hakkai… I'm sorry. Fuck." He pulled back but she held his hand there, effortlessly strong.
"Don't be sorry. I saw you looking. I thought you'd like it. I thought I'd like it."
Maybe the girl hormones were to blame, Gojyo thought wildly. He couldn't look away from his own hand. The swell of Hakkai's breast was full and high, filling his palm. He took in a tight shuddery breath as Hakkai pulled open her shirt, tugging the thin layer of cotton from between her breast and his hand.
"Hakkai," he said. He was losing his cool big time, he knew it, staring wide eyed at creamy skin and dark pink nipples, hands shaking like it was his first time. His cock was so hard it hurt where the rough seam of his jeans rubbed over it.
Hakkai made a needy sound and pushed into his hand. "Touch the nipple," she said.
Her voice was low and distracted, exactly like Hakkai when he was concentrating or reading or something. His dick jerked and he rubbed the pad of his thumb over the stiffening tip of her nipple, then squeezed it very lightly between his thumb and forefinger.
"That's good," she said, quick and urgent. Her lips were wet, and her hair was falling into her darkening eyes. She pushed her hips against Gojyo's thigh, rubbing. He could feel the heat of her. "It's good."
Gojyo collapsed back on the pillow. All his muscles felt weak, but his heart was pounding, blood pumping and ready to go. He carefully took his hand away, and Hakkai pulled back too, breathing hard.
"You feel great," he said.
"So do you."
Hakkai almost fell out of bed, she got out so quickly. She grabbed her wash bag and clothes and towel, and left.
He waited, checking she wasn't going to come back in because she forgot something. After that, it took him about five seconds to get his cock out and spit in his palm. He jerked off as fast as he could make it, thinking about her, scent, touch and sound, and he came so hard that his body arched off the bed.
He found her again at breakfast, concentrating on apparently staring out her cup of tea. Jeep sat on the floor a little way from her, eating a plate of disgusting looking leftover fish parts and peering at her from time to time as if he still couldn't quite believe it.
"What happened with the rat?" Sanzo said, looking between them.
"Oh," Hakkai said. "Yes, sorry. It, ah. Well." She fiddled with her glasses. "My qi disemboweled it."
"Wow," said Goku. "That's new."
"Did you mean to do it?" Sanzo said.
"No! I wanted to heal it. I knew my energies were imbalanced, but not to this extent."
"So you can only kill things, not heal them?" Goku said.
"I hope not," said Hakkai, and hung her head.
"Shit," Sanzo said, and lit a cigarette. "Where the hell's that damn priest?"
"Maybe we should try another search party for the crone?" Hakkai suggested.
"No. That might waste even more time than waiting around on our asses." Sanzo flicked his ash near the ashtray and looked at Hakkai with slitted, thoughtful eyes. "Anyhow, thought you said you wanted a holiday?"
"I was simply thinking we should fix this—problem as fast we can." She didn't meet Gojyo's eyes.
"Yeah, right," said Gojyo.
Sanzo sighed. "Let's give it till this damned priest turns up. If nothing's changed by then, we go after her."
Chao came in then and bowed to them all. "I hope you are all well. Miss Cho. You look radiant as the sun."
"Tch," Sanzo said.
"I'm going to the library with Chao," Hakkai said, rising quickly. "Bye. Goku, please make sure Jeep gets enough water and food."
"Okay," Goku said, and then Hakkai was hurrying away.
It was a hot day, but the good kind with a fresh wind that made the treetops roar and shake their branches like impatient horses shaking their manes. Gojyo left Sanzo and Goku under a tree, bickering over a bowl of peaches that one of the monks had bought. He wandered off through the gardens. He'd never been one for outdoorsy nature stuff, not since he was a kid. He'd outgrown all that crap.
Maybe he hadn't, so much. He was struck by a gnarled and ancient grove of cherry trees he came across, green leaved now and sprouting tiny berries. He stood rooted in the grass like a tree himself, staring at them for a long time.
Part two
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-10-01 01:39 pm (UTC)i like that goku was amazingly himself
since sanzo seemed to be affected.
i think sanzo has it right.
a form of revenge?
i didnt see the part 2 right away!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-01 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-02 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-06 02:48 am (UTC)"You make a great lady, Hakkai," he said.
That, and Sanzo lying about drinking the tea, absolutely cracked me up. This is all kinds of entertaining. :)