Love

[louiselux]

I sometimes wonder about love and how it's portrayed in popular culture and in slash.  We've mostly been fed the story that perfect love exists, and that it lasts for ever and never grows stale or becomes boring or dies a sad death. Love, falling-in-love type love, isn't like that, basically because it appears to rely on a steady stream of the right hormones. But it's an idea you can lose yourself in willingly- that it will last forever, possibly because it's so uncomplicated and removes the need for any doubt about yourself or your significant (or not) other. I wonder if this is reflected in the popularity of first time stories-- they reflect the first thrill of being in love, when it feels like it will last forever and nothing will ever change. We don't (or I don't) want to think of my golden, perfect pairing going out for 3.7 years then splitting up because the sex got dull.  Being in love that intensely stops you worrying about the future- it's immediate and intense and now. I don't mean to say that love can't last, because it clearly can, but it changes and becomes something that you have to chivvy along and kick in the pants and keep alive, sometimes with an effort of will. Often you know it's worth it, but sometimes you don't.

Veering slightly, but only a bit, I've just read vol 1 of the new Eroica translation and it's very slashy indeed. The banter is surprisingly fresh and funny. Klaus  is noticeably sweeter in this first one and Dorian is rather more fiery and willful. Of course, they are in love,  it's just that no one's bothered to tell Klaus yet.

Comments

[luthien.livejournal.com]

Re the thing about the nature of love, you might find the transcript of this segment from a science program (http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/s1210487.htm) interesting. I like the idea of the three different types of love, and especially the bit about 'falling in love' being chemically very similar to going crazy.

[back-in-black.livejournal.com]

Speaking of love and craziness, I know that if you are bipolar, falling in love can sometimes trigger a manic episode, it's happened to me before.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Oooh, yes, just as I'd always expected. Falling in Love = temporary madness. I never knew that about people newly in love's seratonin levels being similar to people with OCD, but it makes sense.

It strikes me that a similar thing happens when you get into a new fandom - I'm thinking of the similar levels of obsession I get, which reminds me of the first part of falling in love.

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

but it changes and becomes something that you have to chivvy along and kick in the pants and keep alive, sometimes with an effort of will. Often you know it's worth it, but sometimes you don't.

I think you've written the most clear and succinct definition of true love that I've ever read. And you can see, exactly, why so many marriages fail, too. People get to the "chivvy along and kick in the pants" part of the proceedings (I think that hits anywhere from six weeks to six years, depending on the people involved), and they go "WTF? Excuse me? This is HARD WORK!" If you aren't invested for the long haul, then you're out of there.

It's one of the reasons why I love first time stories (all hormones, no waiting!), but I also like well-written established relationship stories, especially where they are having trouble getting things right and have to work at it.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

"WTF? Excuse me? This is HARD WORK!"

Yes, exactly! That always used to happen to me - I'm a classic serial monogamist, I suppose. But it occured to me, having fallen in love for the first time seven years ago, that if I couldn't make that relationship work (and we are still together), then I was never going to make anything work. I'd (we'd) just throw in the towel when things began to drag a bit. I don't really want to live my life like that.

[jamjar.livejournal.com]

You know, it's funny you say that, but I was thinking about a Smallville story I read- can't remember the name, or the author, or the exact words, just this one bit, where Clark is telling lex something that Martha said; that what you don't know going in, is that in marriage, you don't just have bad days, but sometimes bad years.

Which sounds terrible, but... well, there are times- sometimes months, where it's not just the this good easy, natural thing, and you do need to work at it, when it doesn't, right then, make you happy.

When you don't know if it's worth staying and it's an act of faith that you stay, because you believe that it will get better again, and that it's worth it.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly.

It doesn't sound terible - it just sounds true.

I love that quote. It reminds me of a line from a Stephen King novel, Pet Cemetary, I think (unlikeyl, huh?) where one of the chracters talks about his marriage, saying it had been one of the *good* years. The idea was new to me then that there might be months and years where things don't work, but you carry on anyway.

[archangelbeth]

(Blame Daegaer, and that wonderful Good Omens/Potterverse fic you did. I'm looking hopefully for sequels and reading anything that catches my eye.)

I feel very... odd, I guess. I liked the Falling In Love part, but once I got up here (long-distance relationship of about 2500 miles)... I dunno. I'm content with the comfortable, snuggly, stuff. I mean, I get grumpy at him at times, and probably vice versa, but... Live without him? Bwah? Ew, ew, ew. I had enough of a hassle finding him in the first place! *glom*

Besides, we do roleplaying games. If I need a dose of "falling in love," there's always that angle. O;> (Or else we can go off into World of Warcrack or Evercrack and kill things together. Child's boredom level permitting.)

But I may be weird.