So that's where I've been going wrong

Spotted in this entertaining article about a Mills & Boon writing course: advice on how to write a romance novel:

'Take a single red rose, place in a vase on your desk. Smell it. Light aromatic candles. Anoint your body with your favourite oil. Put on a silk negligee and rub your hands up and down your body. Pour a glass of chilled white wine. Close your eyes and imagine Tom Selleck is making love to you. Start writing.'

Fan version: Take over the computer, so no one else can use it for hours. Smell yourself. Wish you had aromatic candles. Anoint your body with some lukewarm coffee. Put on a pair of baggy old tracksuit bottoms and rub your hands up and down your keyboard. Pore over livejournal until it's clear no one's updating. Close your eyes and imagine Severus Snape is making love to Tom Selleck only joking whoever you damn well please. Start writing.'