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Sep. 6th, 2002 09:59 amOne thing I'd love to be able to do is to play the saw. It makes a haunting delicate sound, and best thing is it doesn't have many complicated parts. A bit like playing a song-whistle, but with a purer sound.
Anyway. There are new parents in the world as of yesterday afternoon. They have a baby. We laid her on her baby sheepskin, and watched her stretching and yawning and frowning, doing a passable imitation of Mussolini. We all sat there, our brains reverberating with the miracle of birth. "She was inside you yesterday!" That was said often, and in tones of awe.
P has crossed the divide now she is a mother, leaving me on the far bank, wondering if I'm missing something important. It felt nice holding a baby, but it didn't create a surge of maternal need. As more of my friends and family have children, I'm starting to feel like motherhood is a bit like the masons: that mothers share some secret knowledege that gives them a bond, and that I am excluded. This gives me an unpleasant pressurised feeling, like time is running out. Is this what is meant by a biological clock? Is my body demanding a baby? Or do I just not want to feel left out?
There's no big decision to make here, right now. I am content to leave things in the lap of the gods. But I know this is an issue that will run and run, as it were.
Anyway. There are new parents in the world as of yesterday afternoon. They have a baby. We laid her on her baby sheepskin, and watched her stretching and yawning and frowning, doing a passable imitation of Mussolini. We all sat there, our brains reverberating with the miracle of birth. "She was inside you yesterday!" That was said often, and in tones of awe.
P has crossed the divide now she is a mother, leaving me on the far bank, wondering if I'm missing something important. It felt nice holding a baby, but it didn't create a surge of maternal need. As more of my friends and family have children, I'm starting to feel like motherhood is a bit like the masons: that mothers share some secret knowledege that gives them a bond, and that I am excluded. This gives me an unpleasant pressurised feeling, like time is running out. Is this what is meant by a biological clock? Is my body demanding a baby? Or do I just not want to feel left out?
There's no big decision to make here, right now. I am content to leave things in the lap of the gods. But I know this is an issue that will run and run, as it were.
