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louiseluxTitle: The Trouble with Cats
Fandoms: Good Omens/Harry Potter
Rating: G
Notes: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zeelee_penguin, who wanted to see a conversation between Aziraphale and Minerva McGonagall.
Aziraphale wasn't fond of cats. There was a ginger tom that liked to get in and urinate on his back stairs. He scolded it on principle, but in truth he forgot to notice the smell a lot of the time.
The tabby sitting in the middle of the bookshop floor had pretty brown and gold markings. It had trotted in off the street behind a customer, long since sent away with something from the bargain box. Aziraphale put his cup of tea down and wiggled his fingers at it, pursing his lips at the same time to make kissing sounds, although he wasn't quite sure why people thought this ever worked. It didn't work now. The cat turned its expressionless yellow eyes on him as if to tell him he was ridiculous. Message delivered, it turned its head and went back to pretending he didn't exist.
It was staring at the shelves and seemed content enough. Aziraphale kept half an eye on it as he returned to his novel. As long as it didn't wee on the books or start clawing their spines he was happy to let it sit there. It was pleasant after all to have an animal in the shop, a living creature. The best thing was it wouldn't want to buy anything.
After a few minutes he found that he was watching it over the top of his book rather than paying attention to the words. It was an odd creature. It wasn't sniffing things, licking itself, chewing spiders or any of the other hobbies cats pursued when left to themselves. Now that he paid attention, there was certainly something strange about it. It sat in front of the section that had a little sticker with 'Occult' written on it in biro, and as Aziraphale watched he realised that its eyes were unmistakeably flicking over the titles, one by one. It was reading them.
He froze, wondering if it was a demon, or perhaps some new kind of test from Up There. Carefully, not wanting to get too close, he walked over and squatted down nearby.
'Hello there, kitty. What do you want, then?' he said.
It looked up at him as though it understood. He saw that it had black markings around its eyes: they looked like a pair of spectacles. It didn't feel like a demon but all the same he could tell it wasn't quite a normal cat. He put a finger out to stroke its ear, falling back with a shriek as it sank its teeth into the soft pad of his forefinger.
'Bloody hell!' He landed on his backside with a thump and flung a hand out to stop himself toppling further. 'That was uncalled for. I'm bleeding.' He put his wounded finger to his mouth and sucked at it.
'If you will poke your fingers into places where they aren't wanted, then what do expect?'
Aziraphale's head snapped up. 'Oh. Oh dear.'
A frail-looking woman dressed in black stared down at him, her brows drawn sharply together.
'But. You're not a cat?' said Aziraphale.
The woman's expression softened very slightly.
'No. Here, let me help you.' She stuck out a hand and pulled him up with a surprisingly strong grip. 'Maybe I did bite a bit too hard.'
She wasn't a demon, there was no doubt about it now. Her humanity poured off her in a wave. She was treating him to tight lipped smile. It was plain she didn't do that very often.
'I didn't mean to frighten you, laddie. My name's Minerva.'
It was the first time anyone had ever called Aziraphale 'laddie'. After the shock had faded, he found it not unpleasant to be thought of as young.
'Look at me,' she commanded, taking his chin between fingers that were dry and warm.
She pointed a stick in his face. He noticed that her clothes were even more terribly old-fashioned than his, even. In the recesses of his memory, something stirred. It woke fully when she said 'Obliviate,' in precise tones.
Aziraphale shivered with delight as the spell trickled harmlessly over him.
'Aha! You're one of those!'
Minerva stared at him. 'I was going to say the same about you,' she muttered, tapping the end of her wand experimentally, obviously wondering what had gone wrong with her spell. She frowned at it, then pierced him with a stern look. 'Do you remember a cat?' she asked.
'Of course.'
'Damn.' She paused. 'What do you mean? I'm one of what?'
'You're a magical person, dear lady.'
Aziraphale was excited. He'd never met a truly magical person, although he'd had the memo along with everyone else. Heavenly Missive No. 7,334,331,678,8976 section 5.56, re: Godless Mutant Species. The gossip was that they were a top secret, hush-hush experiment that had gone wrong and had long since been exterminated. Aziraphale had never been able to find out more.
'Who are you?' said Minerva, taking a step back.
'Now, don't be scared, my dear! I'm not going to hurt you.'
Minerva took another step backwards.
They could sit down and have tea, and Aziraphale would find out all about these magical types, he was sure. Crowley would be so jealous! He giggled with the anticipation of seeing his expression. Then a thought struck him and his face fell. 'You're not here to actually buy a book, are you?' The question demanded the answer 'no'. He shifted nervously.
'I might be.'
'Actually, we're shut.'
Minerva looked around. 'The sign says you're open. And you've got just the thing I'm looking for. I know. I saw it.'
'Oh dear. I mean, good.'
'I can pay you the exact price. More if you require it.' She pulled out a faded cloth purse, from which she took some ten pound notes. 'I think these are the right ones.' She peered at them, plainly not sure.
She sounded tired, almost at the end of her strength. There was a note of exhaustion in her voice that Aziraphale was certain she would rather die than admit to. He saw now that her skin was very white and that her eyes were red rimmed. The corners of her mouth turned down naturally, but her lips were thin and they were bitten with worry. Something was very wrong in her world.
'All right,' he said gently. 'Here, I'll do it.' He took the money from her. 'You want this book. It means a lot to you.'
'Yes, it does,' she sighed, her brittle energy stilling at the touch of his hand on hers.
'There, there.'
He touched his fingers to her temple, brushing stands of hair back behind her ear. He didn't see it as intruding, more checking that he was sending one of his precious books to a good home. Perhaps he wouldn't keep her for tea after all. She was exhausted. Better to find things out this way. The witch's eyes closed and she smiled softly.
'That's right,' he whispered, closing his eyes and seeing.
There was a long white room lined on both sides with beds, all of them full. At the end lay a silent still figure, pale, with scruffy dark hair: a young man. He was important, for a reason Minerva wasn't clear about. There was something badly wrong with him. Aziraphale could tell that even using this second hand method. Traces of the thing that had cast the spell lingered around the boy like layers of smog, stifling him. He pushed deeper into her mind and saw something in there that made his stomach lurch. It was the thing that had done this. Something shadowed and bloody. Scaly. Snake-like.
He pulled his hand back with a jerk, his heart pounding from shock and from a surge of anger that made him shake. He waved his fingers in Minerva's face. He didn't know what was going on here, but if Crowley had been messing around with these people without telling him, there'd be trouble. And what Crowley was doing was nasty. It wasn't at all like him to torture children.
'You won't remember this,' Aziraphale said briskly.
He was determined to sort this out as soon as possible. He was going with her, wherever it was. Pigwarts? He touched her hand. Hogwarts. Minerva's eyes were open now but she wasn't awake. 'I'm a wizard, and I'm going to be the new-- ,' he delved into her mind one more time, ' --Divination teacher. Well, at least that's my subject,' he muttered to himself. 'My name's Ezra Fell,' he continued, 'and I'm a renowned Seer. I'm coming with you today. Right, that should do it.'
He got the book, wrapped it, went to pack a bag with his things, switched off the electricity and cancelled the milk. Minerva waited, oblivious, with her eyes shut and a small smile. Well, it wasn't like she didn't need the rest, Aziraphale thought, a bit guiltily. Finally he was ready. He held out the book and snapped his fingers.
'Excuse me,' Minerva said, shaking her head and looking round, 'I must've drifted off. That's really not like me at all. Ah, excellent. You have the book.'
'You'll find exactly the spell you need in there,' Aziraphale said, making it true.
'So, Professor Fell, are you ready?' She gave a nod of approval at his neatly packed bag, then stared round at the shop and shook her head. Aziraphale suddenly wished he'd bothered to dust more than once a decade. 'We'd better be off. The Hogwarts Express waits for no man!'
'Quite right, dear lady. After you.'
Fandoms: Good Omens/Harry Potter
Rating: G
Notes: For
zeelee_penguin, who wanted to see a conversation between Aziraphale and Minerva McGonagall. Aziraphale wasn't fond of cats. There was a ginger tom that liked to get in and urinate on his back stairs. He scolded it on principle, but in truth he forgot to notice the smell a lot of the time.
The tabby sitting in the middle of the bookshop floor had pretty brown and gold markings. It had trotted in off the street behind a customer, long since sent away with something from the bargain box. Aziraphale put his cup of tea down and wiggled his fingers at it, pursing his lips at the same time to make kissing sounds, although he wasn't quite sure why people thought this ever worked. It didn't work now. The cat turned its expressionless yellow eyes on him as if to tell him he was ridiculous. Message delivered, it turned its head and went back to pretending he didn't exist.
It was staring at the shelves and seemed content enough. Aziraphale kept half an eye on it as he returned to his novel. As long as it didn't wee on the books or start clawing their spines he was happy to let it sit there. It was pleasant after all to have an animal in the shop, a living creature. The best thing was it wouldn't want to buy anything.
After a few minutes he found that he was watching it over the top of his book rather than paying attention to the words. It was an odd creature. It wasn't sniffing things, licking itself, chewing spiders or any of the other hobbies cats pursued when left to themselves. Now that he paid attention, there was certainly something strange about it. It sat in front of the section that had a little sticker with 'Occult' written on it in biro, and as Aziraphale watched he realised that its eyes were unmistakeably flicking over the titles, one by one. It was reading them.
He froze, wondering if it was a demon, or perhaps some new kind of test from Up There. Carefully, not wanting to get too close, he walked over and squatted down nearby.
'Hello there, kitty. What do you want, then?' he said.
It looked up at him as though it understood. He saw that it had black markings around its eyes: they looked like a pair of spectacles. It didn't feel like a demon but all the same he could tell it wasn't quite a normal cat. He put a finger out to stroke its ear, falling back with a shriek as it sank its teeth into the soft pad of his forefinger.
'Bloody hell!' He landed on his backside with a thump and flung a hand out to stop himself toppling further. 'That was uncalled for. I'm bleeding.' He put his wounded finger to his mouth and sucked at it.
'If you will poke your fingers into places where they aren't wanted, then what do expect?'
Aziraphale's head snapped up. 'Oh. Oh dear.'
A frail-looking woman dressed in black stared down at him, her brows drawn sharply together.
'But. You're not a cat?' said Aziraphale.
The woman's expression softened very slightly.
'No. Here, let me help you.' She stuck out a hand and pulled him up with a surprisingly strong grip. 'Maybe I did bite a bit too hard.'
She wasn't a demon, there was no doubt about it now. Her humanity poured off her in a wave. She was treating him to tight lipped smile. It was plain she didn't do that very often.
'I didn't mean to frighten you, laddie. My name's Minerva.'
It was the first time anyone had ever called Aziraphale 'laddie'. After the shock had faded, he found it not unpleasant to be thought of as young.
'Look at me,' she commanded, taking his chin between fingers that were dry and warm.
She pointed a stick in his face. He noticed that her clothes were even more terribly old-fashioned than his, even. In the recesses of his memory, something stirred. It woke fully when she said 'Obliviate,' in precise tones.
Aziraphale shivered with delight as the spell trickled harmlessly over him.
'Aha! You're one of those!'
Minerva stared at him. 'I was going to say the same about you,' she muttered, tapping the end of her wand experimentally, obviously wondering what had gone wrong with her spell. She frowned at it, then pierced him with a stern look. 'Do you remember a cat?' she asked.
'Of course.'
'Damn.' She paused. 'What do you mean? I'm one of what?'
'You're a magical person, dear lady.'
Aziraphale was excited. He'd never met a truly magical person, although he'd had the memo along with everyone else. Heavenly Missive No. 7,334,331,678,8976 section 5.56, re: Godless Mutant Species. The gossip was that they were a top secret, hush-hush experiment that had gone wrong and had long since been exterminated. Aziraphale had never been able to find out more.
'Who are you?' said Minerva, taking a step back.
'Now, don't be scared, my dear! I'm not going to hurt you.'
Minerva took another step backwards.
They could sit down and have tea, and Aziraphale would find out all about these magical types, he was sure. Crowley would be so jealous! He giggled with the anticipation of seeing his expression. Then a thought struck him and his face fell. 'You're not here to actually buy a book, are you?' The question demanded the answer 'no'. He shifted nervously.
'I might be.'
'Actually, we're shut.'
Minerva looked around. 'The sign says you're open. And you've got just the thing I'm looking for. I know. I saw it.'
'Oh dear. I mean, good.'
'I can pay you the exact price. More if you require it.' She pulled out a faded cloth purse, from which she took some ten pound notes. 'I think these are the right ones.' She peered at them, plainly not sure.
She sounded tired, almost at the end of her strength. There was a note of exhaustion in her voice that Aziraphale was certain she would rather die than admit to. He saw now that her skin was very white and that her eyes were red rimmed. The corners of her mouth turned down naturally, but her lips were thin and they were bitten with worry. Something was very wrong in her world.
'All right,' he said gently. 'Here, I'll do it.' He took the money from her. 'You want this book. It means a lot to you.'
'Yes, it does,' she sighed, her brittle energy stilling at the touch of his hand on hers.
'There, there.'
He touched his fingers to her temple, brushing stands of hair back behind her ear. He didn't see it as intruding, more checking that he was sending one of his precious books to a good home. Perhaps he wouldn't keep her for tea after all. She was exhausted. Better to find things out this way. The witch's eyes closed and she smiled softly.
'That's right,' he whispered, closing his eyes and seeing.
There was a long white room lined on both sides with beds, all of them full. At the end lay a silent still figure, pale, with scruffy dark hair: a young man. He was important, for a reason Minerva wasn't clear about. There was something badly wrong with him. Aziraphale could tell that even using this second hand method. Traces of the thing that had cast the spell lingered around the boy like layers of smog, stifling him. He pushed deeper into her mind and saw something in there that made his stomach lurch. It was the thing that had done this. Something shadowed and bloody. Scaly. Snake-like.
He pulled his hand back with a jerk, his heart pounding from shock and from a surge of anger that made him shake. He waved his fingers in Minerva's face. He didn't know what was going on here, but if Crowley had been messing around with these people without telling him, there'd be trouble. And what Crowley was doing was nasty. It wasn't at all like him to torture children.
'You won't remember this,' Aziraphale said briskly.
He was determined to sort this out as soon as possible. He was going with her, wherever it was. Pigwarts? He touched her hand. Hogwarts. Minerva's eyes were open now but she wasn't awake. 'I'm a wizard, and I'm going to be the new-- ,' he delved into her mind one more time, ' --Divination teacher. Well, at least that's my subject,' he muttered to himself. 'My name's Ezra Fell,' he continued, 'and I'm a renowned Seer. I'm coming with you today. Right, that should do it.'
He got the book, wrapped it, went to pack a bag with his things, switched off the electricity and cancelled the milk. Minerva waited, oblivious, with her eyes shut and a small smile. Well, it wasn't like she didn't need the rest, Aziraphale thought, a bit guiltily. Finally he was ready. He held out the book and snapped his fingers.
'Excuse me,' Minerva said, shaking her head and looking round, 'I must've drifted off. That's really not like me at all. Ah, excellent. You have the book.'
'You'll find exactly the spell you need in there,' Aziraphale said, making it true.
'So, Professor Fell, are you ready?' She gave a nod of approval at his neatly packed bag, then stared round at the shop and shook her head. Aziraphale suddenly wished he'd bothered to dust more than once a decade. 'We'd better be off. The Hogwarts Express waits for no man!'
'Quite right, dear lady. After you.'
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 08:18 am (UTC)Lovely :-)
Any chance of more...? aw, go on....
Pretty please?
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Date: 2004-11-02 01:01 pm (UTC)This was written as the first part of a longer thing, except the rest got stuck somewhere and then the
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Date: 2004-11-02 08:19 am (UTC)I loved cat-Minevera and her attitude. (And Aziraphale's powers beat her magic any day!)
A - who is away from her LJ
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Date: 2004-11-02 12:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 06:12 pm (UTC)whimneed.no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 08:32 am (UTC)I hate to make 'moremoremore' type comments, but this really is a story that cries out for more!
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Date: 2004-11-02 12:57 pm (UTC)It is written to be the first part of something a bit longer, but I wanted to post this today to get under the fan the vote deadline. I would like to continue it though.
I think Crowley would think Voldemort a bit too hands-on, and would probably try and disown him, or at the very least ignore him.
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Date: 2004-11-02 09:02 am (UTC):snerk: That explains *that*.
I love that Aziraphale just steps into the thick of things -- he'd certainly be an interesting Divination Professor.
Crowley is not likely to be behind Voldemort -- he'd find the man's methods appalling *and* crass, and the man himself too insane by half. Crowley enjoys spreading low-grade unhappiness with a multiplier effect, as well; that's a totally different mechanism from the way Voldemort operates (who'd be a darling of Hastur and Ligur, come to think). I can see our favorite demon being behind some of the more appalling bits of the Ministry, but not outright loopiness like the DEs.
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Date: 2004-11-02 12:54 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked this! Thanks.
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Date: 2004-11-02 10:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 12:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 11:21 am (UTC)At first I thought it was going to be a showdown of powers and snark, then there was Aziraphale's giddiness at encountering a 'magical person', and then it becomes serious and stuff.
Heh, Minerva has no idea who the older one is... It's funny how she addresses him as a laddie, but he's the one who gets to act all paternally ;-)
Am I wrong to assume it was intentionally set up as a first chapter to a longer fic? ;->
[shallow] He he, "Pigwarts"!
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Date: 2004-11-02 12:41 pm (UTC)I'm dead chuffed you liked it!
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Date: 2004-11-02 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-03 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 02:09 pm (UTC)I love the way you're blending those two worlds - always a challenge with a crossover - and the lovely mix of snark (those two could teach Snark Duelling at Hogwarts) and story. I read it at work today (bad me!) while watching over my shoulder, and as soon as I got home I sat down to write you this feedback because yay! more now please!
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Date: 2004-11-03 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-03 07:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-01 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-03 04:34 am (UTC)I think they need a nother chapter, just so Crowley can prove he's not a Voldemort supporter. (Oh, the embarrassment!)
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Date: 2004-11-09 10:26 am (UTC)Lovely and plausible.
(And...Pigwarts!)
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Date: 2004-11-09 10:29 am (UTC)I hope there's more! :)
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Date: 2004-11-09 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-10 02:36 am (UTC)Very glad he's not the Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, though ;-). I'm sure he'd be very good at it, heaps of experience and all that, but still. *g*
Brava!
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Date: 2004-11-10 05:02 am (UTC)Brilliant XD
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Date: 2005-09-24 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 03:54 am (UTC)