Crowley/Lwaxana Troi
Jun. 2nd, 2004 09:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
louiseluxVia the Brain Hurting Fanfic Pairer, then inspired by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
daegaer, enigel and yonmei, I wrote Crowley/Lwaxana Troi. It almost veered madly off into Aziraphale/Mr Homn (anyone? I think it would be sweet!)
'Mother, I sense great pain.'
'Deanna, not now. We're at a party,' said the dark haired woman with the noticeably good bone structure. 'Well, if you can call it that. I've seen fewer scowls at a Klingon wedding.'
'No, really, I do.'
'Actually, that'll be my toes,' gasped Aziraphale, deciding that he'd better say something.
'Oh! Mr Homn, please get off that man's foot.' The woman with the bone structure waved a manicured hand at the tall, brooding person looming at her elbow, who was also currently looming on Aziraphale.
'That would be very nice,' Aziraphale groaned.
The tall man stared at him moodily, then shuffled back.
'I hope you're not too hurt,' the younger woman asked. 'Your shoe's damaged, I'm afraid. Mr Homn is rather-- dense.'
'Oh, these old things,' Aziraphale waved his hands deprecatingly. 'I needed to get a new pair anyway.'
The older woman looked down at his scuffed boot for a long moment, then raked her gaze up over his body with what Aziraphale thought was an unnecessarily critical gaze.
'Yes,' she said eventually, 'with a bright smile, 'you really do.'
'Mother!'
With a small twitch the creases miraculously disappeared from his second best burgundy body suit. 'Well, if that's-- '
'Oh, relax.' She waved her elegant hand. 'I'm Lwaxana Troi, this is my daughter Deanna. Please, talk to her.'
Deanna groaned audibly.
'She needs a man,' Lwaxana said in his ear, then paused, her eyes fixing on something over Aziraphale's left shoulder. As he watched her smile widen, he had the odd feeling that he knew what it was, or who, rather.
'Hello,' said Crowley.
' --but before you go, introduce me to your friend,' she purred.
*
A week later there was another reception.
'...she did what with her metaconciousness?'
Crowley smiled. 'I'll tell you later. Here she comes.'
Lwaxana was cutting a swathe through the crowd, trailing green silk and perfume.
'I really don’t know what you see in her,' Aziraphale sniffed. 'Did you know what she said to me? That I shouldn't keep everything bottled up all the time. The cheek of it, coming from her. I don't think she could keep much under wraps if her life depended on it, and I'm not just talking about her emotions either. Did you see what she was wearing at the Captain's sherry party last night. It wouldn’t have covered a midget. I asked her if she was hot. She said she'd never had any complaints. I don't know what she meant.' Aziraphale gave a baffled frown.
'Don’t worry, I do.' Crowley studied him for a moment, then took him by the elbow. 'Aziraphale, you know, one might start to get the impression that you're jealous,' he said.
'I am not,' Aziraphale snapped, shaking off Crowley's arm.
Then Lwaxana was there. 'I won’t mind, you know,' she said with a wink and coquettish look between the two. 'I think it's perfectly charming.'
'Hmm?' Crowley said, not concentrating. Lwaxana's shoulders gleamed magnificently in the light of the moons.
'When we're married. I won't mind.'
'Er. What?'
'I'm not the jealous type. Betazoids just aren't. You can still have sex with your friend.'
'What?'
'Well goodness, have you gone deaf? Anthony, darling. You can still sleep with him after we're married,' she said slowly and carefully, as if to a child. She turned and threw a brilliant smile at Aziraphale, who was spilling his drink. 'I know I certainly shall,' she added.
Green utteberry juice squirted violently out of Aziraphale's nostrils.
'Was it something I said?' she asked.
daegaer, enigel and yonmei, I wrote Crowley/Lwaxana Troi. It almost veered madly off into Aziraphale/Mr Homn (anyone? I think it would be sweet!)'Mother, I sense great pain.'
'Deanna, not now. We're at a party,' said the dark haired woman with the noticeably good bone structure. 'Well, if you can call it that. I've seen fewer scowls at a Klingon wedding.'
'No, really, I do.'
'Actually, that'll be my toes,' gasped Aziraphale, deciding that he'd better say something.
'Oh! Mr Homn, please get off that man's foot.' The woman with the bone structure waved a manicured hand at the tall, brooding person looming at her elbow, who was also currently looming on Aziraphale.
'That would be very nice,' Aziraphale groaned.
The tall man stared at him moodily, then shuffled back.
'I hope you're not too hurt,' the younger woman asked. 'Your shoe's damaged, I'm afraid. Mr Homn is rather-- dense.'
'Oh, these old things,' Aziraphale waved his hands deprecatingly. 'I needed to get a new pair anyway.'
The older woman looked down at his scuffed boot for a long moment, then raked her gaze up over his body with what Aziraphale thought was an unnecessarily critical gaze.
'Yes,' she said eventually, 'with a bright smile, 'you really do.'
'Mother!'
With a small twitch the creases miraculously disappeared from his second best burgundy body suit. 'Well, if that's-- '
'Oh, relax.' She waved her elegant hand. 'I'm Lwaxana Troi, this is my daughter Deanna. Please, talk to her.'
Deanna groaned audibly.
'She needs a man,' Lwaxana said in his ear, then paused, her eyes fixing on something over Aziraphale's left shoulder. As he watched her smile widen, he had the odd feeling that he knew what it was, or who, rather.
'Hello,' said Crowley.
' --but before you go, introduce me to your friend,' she purred.
*
A week later there was another reception.
'...she did what with her metaconciousness?'
Crowley smiled. 'I'll tell you later. Here she comes.'
Lwaxana was cutting a swathe through the crowd, trailing green silk and perfume.
'I really don’t know what you see in her,' Aziraphale sniffed. 'Did you know what she said to me? That I shouldn't keep everything bottled up all the time. The cheek of it, coming from her. I don't think she could keep much under wraps if her life depended on it, and I'm not just talking about her emotions either. Did you see what she was wearing at the Captain's sherry party last night. It wouldn’t have covered a midget. I asked her if she was hot. She said she'd never had any complaints. I don't know what she meant.' Aziraphale gave a baffled frown.
'Don’t worry, I do.' Crowley studied him for a moment, then took him by the elbow. 'Aziraphale, you know, one might start to get the impression that you're jealous,' he said.
'I am not,' Aziraphale snapped, shaking off Crowley's arm.
Then Lwaxana was there. 'I won’t mind, you know,' she said with a wink and coquettish look between the two. 'I think it's perfectly charming.'
'Hmm?' Crowley said, not concentrating. Lwaxana's shoulders gleamed magnificently in the light of the moons.
'When we're married. I won't mind.'
'Er. What?'
'I'm not the jealous type. Betazoids just aren't. You can still have sex with your friend.'
'What?'
'Well goodness, have you gone deaf? Anthony, darling. You can still sleep with him after we're married,' she said slowly and carefully, as if to a child. She turned and threw a brilliant smile at Aziraphale, who was spilling his drink. 'I know I certainly shall,' she added.
Green utteberry juice squirted violently out of Aziraphale's nostrils.
'Was it something I said?' she asked.
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Date: 2004-06-02 01:45 pm (UTC)And ohmygod, "You can still have sex with your friend." Perfect. It's amazing how in character they all were.
I'm going to be giggling for ages, now...
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Date: 2004-06-02 01:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-02 01:56 pm (UTC)*runs in circles flailing*
*looks again*
AHAHA! I am *so* glad I have postponed sleeping.
the opening line is a classic, and of course I adore the twist on the ending. I am humbled to have been the tiniest of inspirations in this great endeavour.
'I won't mind, you know,' she said with a wink and coquettish look between the two. 'I think it's perfectly charming.'
and needless to say, I have made peace with Lwaxana.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-02 04:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-02 04:59 pm (UTC)...
It's fantastic.
"'Well goodness, have you gone deaf? Anthony, darling. You can still sleep with him after we're married,'"
I would try to leave something more useful and amusing in my comment but I have to go and relearn the art of respiration.
Incidentally I originally wandered over here because I was rereading your yuletide fic and thought I'd say hi :) (which will just have to save for another comment now, because as mentioned - no longer breathing)
*friends*
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Date: 2004-06-02 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-03 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-05 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-05 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-05 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-05 01:10 am (UTC)Lwaxana is *very* open minded, although Aziraphale doesn't know whether he's glad about that or not...
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Date: 2004-06-05 01:13 am (UTC)I think it's a source for good in the world! Er.
I think Lwaxana could show Crowley a thing or too, and keep him in the style he's accustomed to:-)
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Date: 2004-06-05 01:16 am (UTC)I hope you've started breathing again:-) It would be a terrible thing to die by Crowley/Lwaxana.
I'm glad you liked it!
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'Oh, relax.' She waved her elegant hand. 'I'm Lwaxana Troi, this is my daughter Deanna. Please, talk to her.'
Deanna groaned audibly.
'She needs a man,' Lwaxana said in his ear, then paused, her eyes fixing on something over Aziraphale's left shoulder.
SO in character. honestly, she'd say that, we all know she would!
this is just brilliant and disturbing in equal measures. all hail the truly, truly evil fic pairer thingie!
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Date: 2004-06-05 02:53 pm (UTC)"I asked her if she was hot. She said she'd never had any complaints. I don't know what she meant."
That my be my favorite line ever. *g* Lovely fic!
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Date: 2004-06-05 04:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-05 04:39 pm (UTC)'...You can still have sex with your friend.'
And, as with everyone else, this line killed me.
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Date: 2004-06-06 02:32 pm (UTC)'...You can still have sex with your friend.'
Well, Lwaxana can't lie, can she? *g* She knows the truth!
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Date: 2004-06-06 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-06 02:35 pm (UTC)Hee! I'm glad you liked it. I must give credit where it's due though - that line is from a joke my SO likes to make, from time to time. Of course, I just nod and agree!
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Date: 2004-06-06 02:36 pm (UTC)Absolutely! It's a thing of great wonder. Have you tried it yet? I think you should.
Thanks so much for the comments!
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Date: 2004-06-07 06:57 pm (UTC)See, maybe it's just me, but I got the impression he was more upset about the 'M' word than the implication he and Aziraphale are so doing it between scenes.
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Date: 2004-06-08 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-08 03:51 pm (UTC)'Well goodness, have you gone deaf? Anthony, darling. You can still sleep with him after we're married,' she said slowly and carefully, as if to a child. She turned and threw a brilliant smile at Aziraphale, who was spilling his drink. 'I know I certainly shall,' she added.
Ahaha! Crowley/Lwaxana/Aziraphale! That'd bring about the apocalypse, all right.
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Date: 2004-06-11 03:11 am (UTC)Aeeii! The happy threesome! *bleaches brain*
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Date: 2004-06-12 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-26 08:02 am (UTC)Hee! Thanks you!
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Date: 2004-09-08 03:28 pm (UTC)Ahahaha. This was totally random. And very funny
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Date: 2004-09-24 08:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 10:29 pm (UTC)Not the jealous type. This will keep me giggling for hours, it really will.
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Date: 2005-07-01 10:04 am (UTC)