Saturday

[louiselux]

I sat in Coffee Republic this morning with a pot of tea and an iced cinnamon bun and wrote some of the end of Cupidity. It was good. There were lots of people shunting buggies about and also a small party who I worked out were mother, father, son and son's pregnant girlfriend. When she rushed off to fetch the cocoa shaker, insisting that they all must have cocoa on their hot chocolate, the family swapped looks and laughed but it wasn't unfriendly. It was a nice morning. Finishing this story is making me half sad and half relieved. It's been hard, but it hasn't felt bad or impossible at any point. I think that is because emungere is kind of awesome.

After the writing I went into Marks and Spencers and found black jeans that fit me! I came home and washed the kitchen floor and hoovered downstairs too. I did two loads of laundry. I'm planning to cook a nut roast in a while. Fear me!

Not sure where all the energy and the shopping-fu has come from all of a sudden, but I am happy about it. Also, I has a bagel with marmite.

***

I found this quote recently somewhere. It made me think about writing a story, when you pick the wrong way to go. You always know you have, I think, deep down.

Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, but my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it then. Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere. My benefactor's question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't,the path is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

Carlos Castaneda