Fic - Sakura, Hakkai/Gojyo implied

[louiselux]

Title: Sakura
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: implied Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: implied m/m, worksafe
Notes: This came from the suspicion that Kanan might pop back up at some point in the manga. It also came from a very inspiring conversation with nekonexus about the same thing. Many thanks to daegaer for beta and emungere for encouraging comments.
Summary: Kanan's baby survived.


Sakura



They came back with a child.

Red-haired and red-eyed, her body bore a scar as if she'd been stabbed.

'We found them in Hyakugan Maoh's castle,' Yaone had said. Pale tracks of tears washed through the soot on her face. The child had floated in the tank, lonely and curled like an embryo. 'Then Ni did this.'

'Them?' Hakkai had whispered.

Gojyo's hair had wanted to stand on end.

'Her mother died.'

Hakkai had let out a groan, then slowly crumpled, clutching at his stomach as if the wound was fresh. He threw up on the floor at Gojyo's feet.

*

They turned for home. The cherry trees blossomed and waved pink and white flounces over them as they passed. Sitting behind him, Gojyo watched the petals land on Hakkai's dark hair, fluttering in the wind.

'Sakura,' Gojyo said. 'Let's call her that,' and he kissed her soft, rosy cheek and held her close. She hid her face in his neck. Hakkai only nodded. He hadn't touched her yet.

'What are we gonna do with her?' Goku said at dinner a few days later. 'Doesn't she need a mother?'

'I don't see why,' Sanzo said. 'I did perfectly well without one.'

*

'We can't look after her,' Gojyo said to Hakkai. 'She needs a mother.'

'Really?' Hakkai said. 'I wouldn't know.'

He still hadn't gone near her, only watched as Gojyo tried to make her eat or as Goku bounced her on his knee, trying to coax a smile with seemingly infinite patience.

'I don't know what to do,' Gojyo confessed to Sanzo one night, as they smoked in the courtyard. 'What do I do?'

Sanzo shrugged and blew smoke into the cool air. 'Don't ask me. Feeding them a lot seems to work.'

'I meant with Hakkai.'

'Hn. That's your problem.'

*

Sakura began to eat properly. She smiled and laughed and said 'Ojyo!'

After that Gojyo privately abandoned any thought of giving her away.

'What a beautiful daughter,' women would say to him, when they stopped in towns. 'Look at her gorgeous hair. She's exactly like you!'

Hakkai would find some excuse to walk away. Sometimes Gojyo had to explain that her mother was dead. That won him soft looks, gentle arms and kisses and promises for later. It earned him Hakkai's rigid back and his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

He began to wish they could avoid towns altogether.

*

She clung to Goku, even sometimes scrambled up on Sanzo's lap, making him jump in shock and lean back as if she carried a contagious disease.

She had Hakkai's eyes, dark red instead of green, the same nose, a different mouth. Gojyo wondered which bits were from Kanan and which were from-- her father. Hakkai watched her coldly, and she never went to him.

'She belongs to you,' he said one day, thinking that being blunt might work where patience hadn't. 'She's your family.'

Sakura gazed up silently.

'She's nothing to do with me,' Hakkai said, and bowed his head.

*

They got near home. Sanzo was going back to the temple. Goku said he would too, but sometimes it was plain to see he was distracted, not with them at all.

Hakkai didn't talk about the future; recently he didn't say much about anything. He smiled, cleaned and cooked as before, but still wouldn't touch Kanan's child. Gojyo tried not to feel abandoned, struggled to convince himself that it wasn't anger he felt every time Hakkai avoided his eyes.

'So, what are you going to do?' Sanzo asked one day.

'Take care of her,' he said. 'What else is there?'

*

Their house was cold and damp after being empty for so long. He put Sakura to bed, stroking her hair till she slept. Later, because Hakkai was missing, he looked in and saw a black shadow looming over her bed.

Before he knew it he was there, yanking Hakkai away.

'What're you doing?' he said fiercely.

'Nothing. I just wanted to see,' Hakkai said.

He put himself between them. Hakkai put his hand to his mouth, face crumpling.

'You thought I was going to hurt her.'

'No, Hakkai-- '

'You did,' Hakkai said, backing away. 'But I'd never-- she's Kanan's.'

*

He found Hakkai sitting with his head in his hands.

'Don't leave,' Gojyo said, closing the door.

'How can I stay?' Hakkai mumbled. 'She's his, too. Her hair. It reminds me…'

Gojyo wanted to be sick, then. Instead he knelt. His problem, Sanzo had said.

'Like me. Is that what you see too, when you look at me?'

Hakkai gaped.

'No,' he whispered. His fingers were cold and trembling as he slid them along Gojyo's jaw, into his hair. Gojyo closed his eyes. 'Never. I didn't mean that.'

Gojyo put his arms round his neck. Hakkai sobbed, long and quietly.

*

Sakura played with the wooden toys Gojyo bought home from the market. Hakkai fetched books from the library, picture books showing Hansel and Gretel and wicked stepmothers. She loved to read.

'She's just like her mother,' Hakkai said.

Sakura sat curled up on Gojyo's lap. Hakkai touched her hair and she looked up, steady and unafraid.

'C'mere,' Gojyo said. 'You read better than me.'

'No, really,' Hakkai protested, but Gojyo pulled him down and hefted her onto his knees.

Hakkai froze, but slowly his arm came round her. He bent his head and kissed her hair.

'Hello, Sakura,' he said.